The Greatest Fanfic Ever

[SOLDIER #819]

By EBG as a whole. I don't know or really care what the topic is. We can even make it go lemon if we're sly enough to get around the Men in Black. Self-insertion into fics is encouraged. Two or three sentences per post should suffice. Just keep the ball rolling. I'll be very, very sad if you all don't.

~~

Cloud slowly opens his eyes. They were heavy, and his head pounded with a dull ache. As he had many times before, he checked his ankles. They were still shackled to the floor. How many days had passed since he had been dropped into this dank dungeon? He wasn't quite sure how he got there, but at this point it didn't matter. He had to get out. He hadn't had anything to eat in just as long, and would before long suffer from dehydration or starvation.

His eyes trace an arc to the right wall of the dimly lit room. There sat an apple on the ground, still as red, plump, and juicy as it had been when he first arrived. No, it seemed even more delicious in before. But he resisted taking even a bite. He knew nothing good would come of it.

A sultry voice echoes from the shadows at the opposite corner of the room. "Still being as stubborn as a horse, I see."

Cloud grimaces. He had heard that voice so many times now. It made him sick. Yet, despite the visible disgust painted onto his weary face, the form slowly moves forward into the light. Clop, clop, clop.

It didn't seem human.

"You had best pony up and eat it soon. You won't be able to last much longer..." continues the voice with a sugar sweet giggle. "Don't be afraid, it's quite delicious. I, Twilight Sparkle, guarantee it."

Cloud glares hatefully into the beast's violet eyes. The purple mare stares back.

[Dodie16]

"Haha, yes! Those Mako-infused eyes burn with such fierce intensity! Glare all you want though, your fate is in MY hooves now!" Twilight Sparkle cackled.

Suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, Yuna, in her gunner dressphere, appeared as if by magic! She removed her twin pistols from out of their holsters in a brilliant spectacle of marvelous skill and set her sights on the magical unicorn.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU DEVILISH MARE! Leave that spikey-haired emo alone!"

Cloud coughed as he tried to object to being called "emo", but his parched throat wouldn't allow it. He just groaned in annoyance.

Twilight Sparkle gasped, "Y-y-yunie? How did you get here?!?"

"Hey, you sound familiar...", Yuna said as she lowered her pistols. She quickly approached Twilight Sparkle and noticed that she was not as she seemed. Yuna grabbed at the mare, and gasped when she saw that the head had been ripped clean off! She was shocked again to discover that there was another head in it's place... A very familiar one at that!

"RIKKU!"

(geddit? 'cus Rikku and Twilight Sparkle share teh same English VA. Lolol, I'm so clever)

[SOLDIER #819]

"What are you doing here?!" Rikku reiterates while still on all fours. She crawls forward hesitantly, still clad in her horse outfit.

On some level, this pleases Cloud. He is reminded of his days on the Chocobo Ranch, where he would spend his days frivolously in the warm sun, feeding Chocobos, cleaning up their crap, and generally rearing them. Yes, the urge to rear was strong now. Granted, he wasn't all that able to being chained to the floor.

BANG! BANG!

The shackles shatter and scatter about the floor. Cloud screams in pain like the emo kid he is as the bullets embed themselves in his shins. He was now free; free to relocate himself to a wheelchair.

Yuna blows at the tips of her smoking guns, running her tongue up their heated shafts. This probably would have been more dangerous, but lucking it was not RL.

"SeeD has been getting reports of high Pony activity levels in this area. I was sent to investigate after Squall disappeared. What about you, Rikku? Why are you horsing around here? Why are you kidnapping emo kids?!"

Cloud continues to weep in the background.

[Taco-Calamitous]

"Because I'm not actually Rikku... I'm Harley Quinn!" With a cackle, the one presumed to be Rikku ripped her face off to reveal yet another face below it, this one covered in white make up. It was really astounding how many masks she was able to wear at the same time. I wouldn't have guessed it myself. "Mistah Jay sent me out to give this world our special brand of love and compassion!" She emphasized the "love" and "compassion" by striking Cloud twice in the face.

"InCOrrect, HarLEY Quinn," A computerized female voice spoke out of nowhere. "You were dirECTed by APERture Science to conDUCT exper-i-ments of t-t-t-TORTURE on a var-iety of J-R-p-G HE-roes. Do not FORget WHO has emPLOYED you. Or we may FOR-get not to EUTHENIZE you."

"Yeah yeah," Harley scowled at a camera that apparently been in the room the entire time. "Don't you forget, bitch, that I know where you live! I can bring the party to your room any time I want-"

"Did somepony say party?!!" Suddenly, Pinkie Pie was in the room. I don't even. "You don't even what, Mr. Narrator Man?" Pinkie Pie distorted space and time to grin at me, while the others were still staring at her, dumbfounded as to how she had gotten there.

[Imposter]

As the scene unfolded Cloud tried to reason if this was Squareenix's new way to make money to pay his nine figure salary. The pain from his injuries both physically and emotionally however were too great rendering him unable to reason further.

Yuna was about to speak up when the whole scene of the dank dungeon began to change. A thick liquid began to drip from the walls and celling and what little light that penetrated in became a green hue. To Yuna's horror they had entered the Dark Hour it was only a matter of time....

The foot steps from out in the hall were slow, almost lumbering their owner was a young blue haired boy in his Gekkoukan High School uniform. Stopping a few feet shy from the cell and raised to his head what appeared to be a pistol. His eyes were empty showing no fear as the evoker was placed on his temple. The boy's lips moved as his finger began to squeeze the trigger.

'Per......So.....Na!'

A mantle of coffins hovered behind the creature as it flew forward toward the dungeon door. It being none other than the harbinger of Death itself: Thanatos.

[Dodie16]

Thanatos crashed itself into the door leading into the area where Cloud, Yuna and the shitload of other random characters were standing, staring in awe at the changes in the surroundings.

"What kind of crazy joke is this?" Harley exclaimed.

"This isn't any kind of joke. It's the dark hour," the boy with the blue hair explained. "Come with me if you don't want to be turned into a shadow!"

Not wanting to risk upsetting the guy who was crazy enough to put a gun to his own head, the crew obeyed and made their way to the exit.

"W-W-WAIIT!" Cloud managed to holler out to everyone, despite being in extreme physical and emotional pain. He could barely move, and he didn't want the others to leave him behind to face whatever these 'shadows' were supposed to be.

Yuna and Pinkie Pie made their way to the barely-functioning Cloud, lifted him up onto Pinkie's back, and headed out behind the others.

"Geez, for a guy named Cloud, you sure aren't as light as one! My friend Rainbow Dash can walk on clouds, you know! She's a pegasus, and she's the fastest flyer in AAAALLLL of Equestria~! I guess you don't know where that is do you, though? It's a great place to be! Full of nice ponies and great parties and all sorts of fun fun fun! I like having fun! Do you like having fun, Mr. Cloud? My favorite kind of fun is singing! Maybe I should sing a song so we don't get scared with all this talk of scary Shadows and stuff! Oooooohhhhhh~...."

"SHUT UP, PINKIE!" The others exclaimed. They were at their wit's end with her constant chattering.

[Taco-Calamitous]

As the group left the room and entered the hallway, suddenly the walls, ceiling and floor started to move and reshape itself. Sections of square panels revealed themselves, apparently a part of a much larger machine. The ceiling and walls expanded outwards, until they found themselves in a large arena of white panels.

"I supPOSE you all intENDED to simply lEAVE me to fend for MYSELF?" the mechanical female voice intoned once more. "Well, dATA from my REsearch on the last room has just come in. It says, 'Fat chance OF GlaDOS letting THat hAPPen.' It also informs me that I am dealing with a dOORmat of a SUMmoner, a stockHOLm sYndrome flOOzy, and... well, this is jUSt pathETic. I was told at the START of these tESTings that we were DEAling with a reEEAAAaal*tICK* Soldier. iNSTead, wE got a wANNAbe emO posuer. And as for tHE perSONa. Oh NOES. A big, ScaRY deMon. Ha ha. Don't MAKE me laugh. You're jUSt a piece of GARbage no ONe ever uses. And as for-HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!"

"Oh cool! This room is super neat-o!" Pinkie Pie's voice came as if over an intercom. The others looked around for a moment, bewildered-especially Cloud, who found himself hovering in mid air, and then suddenly dropped to the ground with a thud.

"WhY... why YES, it is..." The mechanical voice agreed. "Why dON't you just sit over there like a GOOD pony, and not touch anything? I'll just gEt you a nice coloring bOOk-"

"Nah, coloring books are boring! Oh, what does this button do?!"

"That oPEns the door to the incinera-I mean the rOOm where the pARty is. Why don't you go doWn there and wait fOr everyone elSe? You can hELp set UP!"

"Oh yeah! This'll be the best party you've ever been to, I pr...!"

"WeLL, now that THAT is out of tHE way. Harley qUInn, I aSSume YOu have held ON to the Portal-making DEvise?"

"Yeah, yeah, got it," Harley grumbled, the machine's unflattering comments clearly having had an effect on her.

"gOOd. Then wE shall BEgin."

[SOLDIER #819]

"Hey! Where's the party!?"

"It'S AlrEAdy ovEr. ThEy fIniSHed the cAkE. TIme tO clEAn up."

"What!? But I never got to sing my songGGGYYYAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!11"

Pinkie Pie's scream is swept away by the the roar of a flame. The smell of smoke and burnt meat leaked out from under the tightly shut solid metal door, which she had entered earlier. It filled the room. As Cloud takes in heavy breaths to ease his pain, he inhales the smoke and chokes. Harley laughs.

"HYAHAHA! Pinkie Pie? More like Frenchie Fry!"

The camera mounted to the corner of the wall Harley turns on her, a red dot trained on her forehead. "OnLy I am AllOWeD to bE pUnnY."

A laser promptly cuts a hole into her head with surgical precision. There is no time for her to scream, and she collapses to the floor. Everyone reflexively leaps backward, except for Cloud, who is living up to his tearing up like the emo kid he is.

Yuna is the first to come to her senses. "Ri... err... H-Harley...? Are you okay?"

"Of cOUrse sHE iS. I haVE mERely sevEREd all cOnnEctIOns tO and fRom hEr prEfrONtAl cORtEx. ShE's hAppIEr nOw. LeT us CONtinuE."

Indeed, Harley was now sitting up with a broad smile -- much brighter than ever before. Ignoring her now glassy, vacant eyes and the drool rolling down her chin, the disembodied voice seemed to be telling the truth. She obediently stands up with that same toothy grin and quietly holds out an odd device to Yuna, shaped sort of like a stag beetle.

Cloud, for one, enjoyed the new look. Not only was she still clad in her purple horse suit, but she looked even more vulnerable than before. Why, if it weren't for excruciating pain and him currently choking on his own blood, he'd be rearin' away! Awww yeah.

[Taco-Calamitous]

"Hey, what's goin' on, guys?!" Suddenly, Pinkie Pie was back with the group. They stared at her in amazement. Except for Harley Quinn, who simply stared into nothingness and grinned. "I went to this big room with ths mechanical computer lady who told me there was a party down a shoot, but there wasn't a party down a shoot, there was fire! And I was like, 'GGGYYYAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!11' because I thought it was really hot! Good thing I have the ability to bend space and time and was able to get out of there! Now I can go on this adventure with you."

"WhaT thE-?! ...wHaTeVer. LeT'S Get tESTing, pEOple," the mechanical voice spoke with a hint of surprise and annoyance. "YuNa, if yOU would plEAse?"

"What? But I don't know how..." Yuna looked at the front end of the gun... and her head exploded, and She fell to the ground, lifeless.

"I sUppOse I forGOT to menTION the hAzards involved with USing the portal device. Do not look at the front end of the portal device, do not touch the front end. It cOUld have VERY adverse effEcts. Now lET's see... wh-wh-which one of yOU shall HOLD the portal deVICE? ...you. Persona nerd. yOu will carry On wHeRe the unfortunate SUMMoner could not."

The boy looked down at the portal device, uncertainly. After a moment's hesitation, he picked it up, held it out in front of him... and a beam shot forth, hitting a wall and leaving a blue oval shape. "....what now?"

"yOu haVE plACED ONe end OF the POrtal. NEXt, place the OTHer."

"...How do I do that?'

"OOooooh, I know, I know! Let me see that!" Pinkie Pie interrupted, shoving herself into the weird anime kid and trying to wrestle the device away from him.

"Hey, Pinkie Pie, careful-!" The kid began to object, but then another beam shot forth from the device, creating an orange oval shape on a far wall. "...I guess you did it."

[Dodie16]

As the others were trying to figure out the complexities and dangers of this so-called "Portal Device", Cloud was still reeling from the fact that he just saw his first rescuer get her head blown off. Her body lay motionless on the ground... Still warm...and so very soft. Dead girls can't say no, after all! Cloud army-crawled his way over to her, and when he was near enough, he cradled her in his arms.

"....Yuna."

He shook her body as if to wake her, but it was to no avail.

"This can't be real!"

Tears were forming in Cloud's shining eyes. He wiped his eyes by nuzzling his face into Yuna's ample chest pillows.

"Yuna is gone. She will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry...or get angry.... My fingers are tingling, my mouth is dry, my eyes are burning!"

Suddenly, the voice over the loudspeakers cackled a robotic laugh.

"HAhAhAhHA... ThERe's NO nEEd to ACt lIKE you'RE SaD. dON't AcT likE you'RE ANgry EiTHer."

Cloud suddenly got an overwhelming sense of deja vu. He looked up to find that the others were staring at him too, and Cloud blushed because he's so kawaii like that. ^0^

[SOLDIER #819]

As the mismatched crew heads for the portal, Cloud's incessant wailing reminds them that he's barely even able to crawl at this point. If anyone there were anything but near-mute, happy-go-lucky, or in desperate need of a chunk of brain matter, they would have heaved a deep sigh. Too bad the narrator had to go and kill off the only person who could have. =P

With his superior Courage stat, the blue-haired boy is the one to take charge of the scene. "We need to hurry. Any moment now the shadows w--AGGGHHH!"

Cloud's tears had not been kind to him. The carefully applied eye shadow and mascara was not waterproof, and he didn't figure it had to be since real men don't cry. Too bad he wasn't a real man! Poor Cloud! He had crazy fugly raccoon eyes! This all went unnoticed to him, however. He was too distraught by the loss of a pair of fine non-dairy creamers. Thanatos kid knew not what to do...

"C-can you carry her?" Cloud chokes out suddenly.

"What." It wasn't a question.

"I'd like to bury her somewhere nice... or at least dump her in a lake. So... please... carry her?" He made the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster. All those years he spent dressing up in his lady friends' clothes and parading about the slums in search of free meals from gym bros and men named Bubby had paid off!

"..."

--
[ I guess... ]
[ Don't worry, we can come back for her later. ]
[ BLEEEEEEGGGHHHH ]<
--

You don't have enough Courage.

[ BLEEEEEEGGGHHHH ]<

YOU LACK BALLS, FRIEND.

"****."

[ Don't worry, we can come back for her later. ]<

Your Charm-Fu is weak.

"!@#@%^%)(&!()%&%!"

--
[ I guess... ]<
[ Don't worry, we can come back for her later. ]
[ BLEEEEEEGGGHHHH ]
--

Something about Cloud's eyes just pulled the young man in. Those gleaming blue wells surrounded by the black patches of make-up made it seem like he were staring into into the deepest, most wondrous reaches of space. He couldn't resist his teary plea...

"Really? You'd do that for me?!" Cloud cries in joy.

The boy wordlessly hoists headless corpse of Yuna onto his back, as Pinkie does the same for Cloud. The gratuitous amounts of plump thigh, which poked out from Yuna's very short shorts, did little to offset the copious amounts of blood that pooled out from the hole where her head should have been.

"EWWWWWWWW."

[Yoko]

Kyra turned off the sphere screen she had been almost entranced by. That was until the narrator decided to lop Yuna’s head off. She touched the sphere comm that was set up to the right of her desk and dialled some numbers and waited.

“....Hi. Yes it’s me calling. WHAT THE **** WAS THAT?”

She waited for at least a valid response, but she knew no excuse would be forgivable.

“NO, you just killed a ****ing HERO! I can’t let that go. Our rating will drop 10 fold. Get her back on that damn show OR ELSE! I don't care what you have to do”

....

“I know it sounded like a good idea at the time, but THINK OF THE CHILDREN”

....

She turned off the sphere comm, and got up from her desk. “Why do I always have to do things the hard way?”

Kyra made her way out of the office and walked somewhat hastily to the dungeon to join the others just before they all went into the portal.

"GUYS! STOP! Before you go in there......TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

[Dodie16]

The crew turned to look at their new traveling companion, a tad baffled at exactly how she got there, but nothing really should surprise these guys now.

"So, who's heading in first?" the blue haired boy asked breathlessly. He only walked 10 feet or so, but he was already tired. Even without a head, the corpse he was carrying was still quite heavy. Suddenly, he had a terrible realization...

"Ewww... People really do evacuate their bowels when they die..."

"Oooo~! Oooo~! I wanna play in the portal~! Let me try!" Pinkie squealed in excitement. She bounded all around the room, while Cloud was trying his best to keep from slipping off this energetic pony.

The blue-haired boy gave a nod, and Pinkie quickly leapt right into the blue portal, with Cloud right along for the ride. However, almost instantaneously, she emerged from the orange portal...that was just on the opposite side of the room.

"Well, that got us nowhere...", the boy sighed.

"YoU moRONs. YoU hAVE tO ShOOt thE OTheR PoRTAl SOmEwhERe ElSE." The robotic voice on the loudspeaker chastised. It was at that point that the one called Kyra noticed a footbridge suspended above them...

"Hey, we can shoot a portal up on the roof, and land on that footbridge! Maybe if we follow it, we'll get out of this place!" Kyra exclaimed. She grabbed the portal gun from the pink pony and blasted it upwards, creating an orange portal.

"Let's go, everyone!" Kyra commanded. The crew followed as she led the way into the portal. They were quickly transported up and down to the footbridge. They precariously walked along the pathway, before finally seeing somewhere more sturdy that they could gather. Kyra blasted an orange portal to the floor below, and a blue portal in a wall beside them. The crew walked through the portals again, and found themselves in some sort of laboratory-like place...with bunsen burners and everything!

As they looked around their surroundings, they notice that in some of the vats, there seemed to be human-like shapes floating around... Upon closer inspection, the blue-haired boy makes a startling discovery...

They all looked like Yuna!

Yep. Clones. Clones of Yuna. Floating around in a vat of gelatinous goo. The sight of it was both beautiful and sickening at the same time.

Cloud just cried some more.

[Imposter]

Clouds emo sobbing only became louder as he gazed into one of the tubes. His teary eyes widening as they studied the clones. His head leaned in closer until eventually it pushed up against the glass his breath fogging up the tube....

OOOOHHH Shut up with excessive Cloud spotlight Narrator! Don't you think it is about time I'm introduced?!

....ugh. Fine whatever you say...

As the group tries to figure out what is going on with the Yuna clones we find ourselves in a new scene. The landscape of craggy and jagged rocks glisten in the green moonlight of the Dark Hour. Two figures can be seen 'sneaking' around just outside the fenced area surrounding what appears to be a giant plant or laboratory.

The two figures....

STOP! You suck at this! Let me take over!?!?!?!?

....tch...fine

So there I was, me and Mog. Why Mog you ask? Because he is clearly the best Moogle that has ever had the spotlight in a FF. See Montblanc was way too intelligent for a moogle, he knew EVERYTHING! But Mog he still retains that cute charm, not to mention he can Riverdance. Suck it Montblanc! Anyway there we were sneaking following the plan that was laid out for us when Mog spoke up.

'Why did you turn us into Imps kupo? And did you ever notice that our version of Imps look a lot like Kappas kupo?'

'What do you mean WHY? We need to look like monsters duh! And not cute white fluffy kinds. Stop saying kupo you'll give us away.'

'Imposter...none of the mosters around here look like us...kupo. We don't blend in at all kupopopo.'

'SHUT UP! I swear if you don't stop saying kupo I will call Chuch Testa and have him stuff you so you can be Lulu's new doll. Hey wait do you see that?!'

Along the fence there was a sign. Clearly written in a different language that would take years to decipher. Strange lines and circles it made no sense.

'Um...Imposter? I think it is in binary...ku..eep. It either says Aperture Science testing facility or Soldier's ice cream stash...Ku...ACK!'

My anger grew s veins showed on my face. My fist repeatedly punched the top of Mog's head while the angry veins continued to appear. Quickly I composed myself when Mog's words finally set in.

'AH HA! I knew they had a stash of ice cream somewhere. Quick Mog lets break in and steal it all for ourselves....I mean we should contact the others and let them know we are in position. After that we will pop a few green cherries and be back to our super powerful selves and ready to get that stash. Quick give me a green cherry.'

'Po?? I don't have any.'

'What DO you mean you DON'T have any? That was your only job!!!'

'I thought you said bottle Link's Fairy....kupo!'

Mog revealed a bottle with a fairy inside, from its muffled voice one could still make out the words: HEY! LISTEN! (Ok man, you can take back over!!!) Imposter cursed having no way to change back. The two stood there for a long time, speechless not just like a few seconds long time but like a good fifteen minutes. Finally gaining a new resolve Imposter patted Mog on the head.

'We continue with the plan as is. I'll radio the others and let them know we are in position.'

Pulling out a small walkie talkie Imp adjusted the frequency to the secret team one. He pressed the button and spoke into the walkie talkie.

'Calamity Taco this is Green Sausage ready to penetrate. I repeat Green Sausage is ready to penetrate....over'

Ok...Narrator cut back now!

Scene Change!!

[Taco-Calamitous]

"Um... could you lean against the glass a little less, Mr. Stife?" Pinkie Pie looked up at Cloud uncomfortably, as the fake Soldier member leaned over her head against the glass tube. "Keeping you balanced on my back is kinda hard when you lean out like that..." She waited a few seconds, but realized there would be no response; the emo was too transfixed with the girl in the tube to pay attention. "...okay... I guess we'll just sit here then... gonna be loads of fun... heh heh... EEP!!"

Suddenly, the Yuna in this particular tube opened her eyes, and she-along with all the liquid inside-was flushed out of the tube and on the ground next to Pinkie Pie. The clone immediately sat ridgedly upright, sputtering fluids and looking altogether bewildered.

"Here. Have tHE SUmmonEr slut you've ALL been crYinG about bAck. aND I do meAN ALL oF you," GlaDOS emphasized cryptically. "If I had REalized whAt an eMOTionaL handicAP hEr deAth would bE fOR yoU PATHETIC foOls, I wOuLdn't have let her dIe in tHe fIrst place... oR WOULD I?" One of the gray panels making up the wall of the room opened up, revealing a black, cone-shaped device. Before anyone could react, it emitted a red laser at the Yuna clone who had just been released from her tube, disintegrating her within a few seconds; long enough for her to scream out in agony. As everyone jumped in shock at the monstrous act, another Yuna was flushed out of her test tube onto the ground, the same bewildered expression on her face as the recently obliterated Yuna had just before her obliteration. "In cOnclUsion, aLl you InsignIFICANt flEshlIngs beTTer keEp yoursElves in chECk."

"...that was fucked up," the Persona Kid stated after a few seconds of staring at the spot where the first Yuna clone's ashes lay with wide eyes. "I just about shat myself." Harley Quinn-apparently the individual he had been talking to-simply looked on, grinning. The whole thing had left her unfazed.

....

Elsewhere, miles away in a secret bunker, a man clad in a trench coat and a cowboy hat reclined in seat staring at a laptop, his feet up on the desk beside it, nonchalantly eating chips. He seemed to be amused by the story he was reading so far... until a certain name was mentioned over a radio. The radio sitting next to him went off, a voice calling him by his code name and informing him that he was "ready to penetrate."

"No, negative! That's a fucking negative!" The man responded in a low, yet irritated voice. "I did not sign off on this mission! I was not to be involved! Turning radio off. You're on your-"

"Oh hi, Mr. Man! Welcome to the story!" The man at his computer nearly kicked it over as he jumped. Somehow, Pinkie Pie had made her way into his room, and was grinning right in his face.

"GAH-! ...hi... Pinkie Pie. Um... shouldn't you be with the others right now?"

"No, silly! I came to welcome you! Somepony's gotta make sure you feel included, right?"

"Well, thank you, but that's really quite alright. I'm staying out of your adventures anyway; I'd prefer to stay here-"

"Awww, but that's boring! You should come back with me!"

"No! No, really, Pinkie, just go back and take care of Cloud. He needs you."

"Aw, alright..." the pink pony lowered her head in dejection and exited the room. The man in the cowboy hat watched her carefully as she left, and then let out a sigh of relief when he was satisfied she was gone.

[SOLDIER #819]

As Pinkie Pie phases back in from yet another dimensional shift, with Cloud seemingly been all too unaware of it, her hoof touches down a big red button sitting precariously on the floor.

"Ooooooh, what's this?" Pinkie says as she raises her leg to get a better look. A short but powerful rumble from the bowels of the laboratory knocks her off balance, sending Cloud flying into one of the test tubes holding an underdeveloped and very fetal-looking Yuna.

"What's happening?!" shouts the blue-haired Protagonist.

The contents of the Yuna-tubes glow a pale green, and with a hiss and squeak each slides open. Torrents of ooze spew forth. The sexy sins against Mother Nature follow the waves of primordial soup, shambling toward the mismatched party. The ones with legs anyway. Those that don't simply crawl slowly.

The fetus falls directly onto Cloud's lap. Despite none of its appendages having fully developed, its face is still recognizable. Round, bulbous eyes stare at Cloud blanky, while he looks back in horror. It smiles widely, showing its light pink and toothless gums.

And then it latches onto his face. He isn't sure how to feel. It was sort of hot. Sort of not? He tries to scream, whether in fright or ecstasy we will never know, but his mouth is quickly plugged with undeveloped flesh pillows.

"RRRUUUUNNNNNNN!!!" yells Pinkie Pie, who is the first to dash off between the tubes into another room. The Protagonist follows, the headless corpse forgotten, but still slumped over his back. Harley sort of just skips along, but the Yuna clones are too slow to catch up.

Cloud's few muffled cries echo from behind them. But they don't look back. They can't.

[Taco-Calamitous]

"Oh no oh no oh NO, we lost Cloud!" Pinkie Pie was hysterical, sobbing uncontrollably as she grasped the blue haired kid's shoulders and shook him violently. The corpse he had been carrying fell from his back as he slapped Pinkie Pie across the face.

"HEY! CHILL OUT!" The anime kid exclaimed. "The rest of us are okay! You, me, Harley... well..." they both paused for a moment to slowly look at the lobotomized clown girl, who grinned blankly in their direction, her tongue lulling out of her mouth. "...we've got US! And we have the portal gun still!"

"aNd you sTILL have mE." The computerized voice of GlaDOS reminded them over the intercom that apparently was there. "yOu haD BEst nOt forgET aBoUt the oNe beIng who cAn grANt your EscApe... oR dEnY you to conTINUE lIving. It rEAlly dePenDs on hOw USEful yoU aRe tO mE-"

"Or we could just go to the old part of the factory where you can't reach us," R Kyra smirked, crouched down on the opposite side of a hole in the wall. "Come on, guys! This way!" The blue haired Persona kid and pink pony did as their ally suggested, leaving the headless corpse and grinning idiot behind. Harley stared after them, a dull expression of confusion on her vacant face. For a moment, she looked down at the corpse of the original Yuna, and then turned around and began skipping back to the room that held Cloud and the Yuna clones.

"...I thOUght i'D SEAled aLl thOse hOles oFF... hOw aNNoYing." GlaDOS' voice intoned. "nO mATTer. yOU'll tUrn up someWHERE..."

Meanwhile, Cloud found himself engulfed in a sea of Yuna clones, the fetus clone still latched on to his mouth. Muffled screams and whimpers struggled to find their way from his mouth as he flailed his arms around and limped his legs back and forth, trying in vane to keep the defected girls away from him. Suddenly, one of the clones started attacking the others, throwing them off and beating them away from our wounded protagonist. They offered little resistance, as their primitive brains clearly could not comprehend that they were being attacked. The functioning Yuna drove them away quickly... One might even say much faster than a normal human being should have been able to. When the dust settled, it became apparent why this was... there was more than one functioning Yuna. As Cloud looked on helplessly, three Yuna clones stared each other down, a savage gleam in each of their eyes as they prepared for a battle... to the DEATH.

[Dodie16]

The Yuna clones, consumed with bloodlust, raced towards each other. As they clashed, a great swirl of dust and debris flew around the room, blocking Cloud's vision as he tried to watch what the outcome of this battle would be. It didn't take long before the dust cleared though, and Cloud gasped in shock at what he saw: A lone, but giant Yuna had taken thier place! It seemed that when the 3 Yuna clones had collided into one another, they simply converged to form this new being. Giant Yuna turned to face Cloud, and her heterochromian eyes locked onto his glowing blue ones...

Meanwhile, at the abandoned portion of the factory, the other characters heard a startling and disturbing siren sound. They covered their ears to try and block it out, but it seemed to do no good. Then, almost as suddenly as it started, it simply...stopped. They then noticed that their surroundings were starting to become a little stranger...

"Has this fog always been here?" Kyra wondered aloud.

"Nevermind that... What about these walls? They're so...decayed looking, and is that blood too???" The anime kid gestured to the walls around them, and indeed, their surroundings were starting to look more decayed and hellish.

"What happened to the hole we came through?!?!? It was right here just a second ago!" Pinkie pointed to where the hole should have been. It seemed to have simply vanished...

"I think I would have rather taken my chances with the sadistic A.I. than this..." Kyra whimpered.

[Taco-Calamitous]

"Alright everyone, just calm down!" Anime kid tried to take hold of the situation, as deteriorated as it had become. Pinkie Pie ran around R Kyra and him in circles, her eyes bulging with fright as she blathered hysterically about "needing to get out of there." R Kyra did not look pleased with her behavior at all.

"You heard the guy, knock it off!" she demanded as she blocked Pinkie's path. This resulted in the pink pony slamming into her and knocking both of them into a wall. Anime kid let out a small curse at this and moved to help them back up, but something down the decaying corridor behind them caught his attention. A red mist was rapidly advancing in their direction. He did not know what this mist represented, but he certainly did not want to stick around and find out.

"Come on guys, move, move!" The blue haired Japanese animation trope rushed the other two back to their feet and pushed them in the direction opposite of the ominous mist. Winding around several turns, the path led them, and through several junction points with other hallways. The young man didn't know where any of this led, but simply led them in a random direction that seemed to get them the hell away from there the quickest. Several times, he looked back over his shoulder, and saw the mist right at their backs. One final time he looked, however... and it had simply vanished. "...what the hell...? ...oh well, I guess... ....Pinkie! You can stop running! HEY!!" His calls were no use; the cowardly pony could not hear him over her own terrified shrieks as she disappeared around a corner ahead of them.

"Tough luck for her, I guess," R Kyra shrugged. "Probably would've held us back, anyway."

"She's still got the portal gun!" Anime kid emphasized. "What if we could've used it to get out of here?!"

"...good point, kid. Let's go after her!" And so the two set off after the lunatic pony. It was just as well that they chose to move when they did; lurking right behind them, ready to inflict some unspeakable violence on both of them was a giant man with a pyramid for a head...

"...Cloud..." The Giant Yuna grinned eagerly at the frightened little emo git. He looked back up at her in horror. Normally, he might be turned on by a woman this attractive looking at him this eagerly, but there was something about the look in her eyes that was way too creepy and unsettling. And he couldn't move; the wounds he had suffered before were too great. All he could do was stare back in horror.

"fUNNy, i dON't rEmemBER engINEEring tHEm to do tHAt," GlaDOS mused over her loud speaker. "AlthOUgh i HaVE to ADmit, tHAt's qUIte the iNTereSTing tWISt. sINCe yOur friEndS aRe hORRible, WretCHed peOPle aNd hAve aBANDoned uS, i thOUght I wOUld hAve to pUll the pLUg oN oUr tESTing aLL tOo sOOn. nOw, iT aPPears we caN conTINUe. oH, hI HaRLey. dIdn't sEe yOu cOme iN."

"Hiiieeee!" Harley grinned stupidly and waved in the direction of the loud speaker as she stood awkwardly in the doorway she had recently skipped out of. As Giant Yuna bent down to pick Cloud up, and his screams echoed in the large chamber, she simply looked on, that same stupid grin on her face. Our hero was faced his fate alone...