(OOC: Okay, good. A little lack of punctuation makes your sentences seem enormous but we can cross that bridge a little later on. Right now it is purely about RPing ability. So here we go-

Your post was a little short even for what I'm looking for. It was a little abrupt how it ended and I, as the reader, didn't get a lot of information from you.

There is some good description in there, though. Mentioning the chewing gum fleshes out the scene better than if you'd have ended with him strolling.

Over all not too bad, I just want a bit more next time =]. It's always better to leave a piece nicely finished. I personally finish on a cliffhanger-like scenario. It's up to you how you end.)


Noah had been sat on the same wall since noon. Near on 4 hours to his count. His backside had grown numb and cold with his lack of movement. He watched, with narrowed eyes, the entrance to Seventh Heaven. He rubbed his hands together, pulling his gloves on tighter around his fingers. He felt anger boil, he'd expected Tifa to arrive upon opening time. Maybe his informant had sold him a lemon. He'd just about given up hope when he saw a glimmer walk from the door. It was Marlene Wallace. She was the daughter of Barret, a heavy built member of AVALANCHE, and was Noahs path to them. If he kidnapped her and demanded they come get her... His mouth curled to a cruel smirk. It was too easy. He walked towards her, fists clenched.

"Hello there Marlene. I'm a friend of your dads..."