All life been suffering mental illness. Was adhd as child then 16 started being depressed/suicidal and been dealing with it even now at 23

Docs think I'm bipolar, I'm pretty religious and when I'm good I'm good and stuff but when I'm bad I just wannna die and feel like god hates me and everything sucks

Been bad for 48 hours now and can't take it

Tried every med from mood stabalizers to antideeprssants which are bad for bipolar people

Idk what to do anymore I wanna stop feeling this but without being beliving in god. I want to just live a normal athiest life where I only pray when stuff gets serious

Tried everythting from meditation, positibe thinking; yoga, cbt, dbt

Just idk anymore

Video ggsames used to comfoft me, not anymore though

Pleas help


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