Friends & Your Role In Their Lives

[noxious.sunshine]

Ok so.. This is my issue at hand... And no, I'm not specifically asking for advice because I'm already done with the situation, but.

When you know a friend is making a mistake, and you tell them it's wrong (when you -know- you're right), does it piss you off? Especially when they come back and say, "I should've listened to you" ?

Ok.. Like.. my "best friend" (I made a blog post about her ex beating up our other friend) went back to -that- guy.. Understandable considering he was supporting her mostly. But then he got shitty with her and she ended up on my couch for over a month before I said "enough is enough" (she constantly said -I- owed her money when I gave her a roof over her head and my mom gave her rides to work. She never paid rent).

Apparently her & dude started talking again, she got preggo even though she has 2 kids that she doesn't have custody of and the doctors told her being pregnant again would probably kill her. She had a miscarriage. Dude wasn't there for her. Whatever. I got tired of the drama and hearing her cry over him blah blah blah (I don't go back to exes. No 2nd chances, I don't forgive, I don't forget, eff off.)... I called her tonight to see if she wanted to see me on my last night 'cuz I'm leaving literally in 5 hours..... She's hanging out with the girl who said that she & I set up the dude that got beat up & her ex that beat him up / got her preggo.

She doesn't understand why I'm pissed off at her. She's older than me. I mean really could care less, but don't expect me to be there for you when you make the same mistakes over and over again. I told her such. I told her I love her, but don't come crying to me when the people she's putting her trust in yet again **** her over... again. And somehow, I think she thinks -I'm- the one that's done her wrong... Even though I've helped her out more than anyone else.

My question is... How do y'all handle situations like that? Do you stand by someone regardless of how many times they repeat mistakes or do you let it go and give up? Do you get as frustrated and pissed off as I've been? Like.. I keep my honest advice to myself in general 'cuz I know it'd piss someone off, but this girl always begged for my input and the 2x I gave it to her, she got mad at me... Even though she'd do the same to me and -she'd- be legit wrong all together abotu my situation....

Sorry for the rant, but seriously... input. thanks.

[Pete]

It's perfectly normal to get pissed off at friends who just don't seem to get it. The hard thing is that it's a fine line between trying to be supportive as a good friend should and trying to dictate that your friend is being a complete moron. Sometimes lines have to be crossed and sometimes you have to just let baby bird fall out of the nest before they figure it out.

No offense, but it doesn't sound like your friend is all that bright to begin with. Maybe it's just easier and less stressful if you just let her do her thing and be done with it for a while. Some people are lost causes and will never learn. It sucks and it's hard to do, especially when you're close, but in order to save any semblance of a friendship, you might have to let her realize that she's really screwing herself up.

[noxious.sunshine]

Thanks Pete ^_^

Yeah, since I moved back to TN, she ended up kicking that chick's ass she been living with... I couldn't help saying "I told you so" - about everything. Like how she sucks as a mother, she's an idiot, etc. .. She back with dude that effed her up, but apparently she's thinking about moving to D.C. .. She mentioned maybe setting up shop here in Nashville, but I'm like ".............. Uh." lol

[Heartless Angel]

Personally I can't stand stupid people. I've never had anyone I consider a friend do something that I could consider that horrendously stupid. If they did, it would tell me that at some point I misjudged them, and at that point I can terminate a friendship pretty easily. I have no sympathy for fools, no matter who they are.

[Bleachfangirl]

My rule of thumb is: keep trying until you get an ulcer. Then you've obviously had enough and can excuse your giving up on the fact that your friend's stupidity is damaging to your health.

I'm almost entirely serious.

It's fine for you to be frustrated. Ain't nobody a saint here. Ain't nobody got time for that. You can try your best to help a person and be there as a good friend, but there's only so much you can do. It's not your responsibility to take on another person's burdens as your own. Sure, morality leaves you slightly accountable for this kind of thing, but only to an extent. It's wonderful if you choose to make the effort, but what it boils down to is that you're not responsible for anyone other than yourself.

I understand your dilemma. You're torn because you feel that, as a friend, you're obligated to be supportive and whatnot. I've got this romantic notion of what a friend should be too, and so I let my ability to sympathize drag me along with a person for quite a while. But I do know how to cut the noxious people out of my life when they're dragging me too far into territory I don't want to be in. It's a useful thing to have learned.

You've already done everything you could for this friend. If she's just abusing your friendship the way that it sounds like she is, there's no point in you being bothered over it anymore. Just drop it and let her realize her own mistakes. If she doesn't, it just goes to show you how much better off you are.