This just happened

Someone drove by and yelled 'BITCH' out their window...I live next to a busy street and they might simply have been looking in my direction coincidentally when they did it, but it was a young lady of about 18-20 who seemed to have mixed european and african descent, not sure what the proper term is if any and policorrection is something I've never really cared about either you know. Euphemisms, feh.

Anyhoo, this young lady happened to yell this swear word at me and it utterly set me off into a red rage which I hid behind my closed doors of my house.

Without regard to whether I'm insane (clearly yes)*, what is your thought of what one's natural sane reaction ought to be to the world's general inconsiderate obnoxiousness?

*If you want proof, my eventual response after philosophizing about it was to see the yard workers next door and start doing household chores...make of that what you will I suppose.

Man up.....bitch

(EXECUTES EXPLOSIVE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO NIX'S FACE)

You have just been replied to by CHUCK NORRIS

How dare they do that?! Call the fuckin police, man.

Were you inside or outside of your house? Did she make eye contact and specify that she was calling you a bitch? Were you looking at her or paying her any specific attention?

Those can be reasons.

She also could have just called you a bitch for no reason, just to get a reaction out of you.

Honestly, I wouldn't read too much into it. Teens are dumb, they do dumb things for no reason. You might have been a target of a harmless joke. Maybe you looked like someone she knows.

Personally, I wouldn't have done anything, unless they had further escalated it.

Hell, maybe she just thought you look like a bitch

Damn, even the police called u a bitch. RIP, back to bully thread

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Originally Posted by che

Damn, even the police called u a bitch. RIP, back to bully thread

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jO1EOhGkY0

I think I might pull through ser!

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Originally Posted by Pete

Maybe she just thought you looked like a bitch

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Yeah well, WHAT DOES MARSELLUS WALLACE LOOK LIKE???

what??!

(FLIPS TABLE)

WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM

I understand the urge to go into a rage when someone yells something profane at you from their car... At the risk of inciting the #notallmen crowd on this forum, this happens to women all the time. It has happened to me a lot. It also happens to runners all the time haha. It's hard to know which reaction is most effective, so try to go with the one you can live with. Still sucks, though. Sorry that happened to you.

I don't really mind the yelling as much anymore. But I do still hate when strange men touch me without permission.

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

But I do still hate when strange men touch me without permission.

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I get all the rest of what you're saying but wtf?

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Originally Posted by che

I get all the rest of what you're saying but wtf?

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drunk. men. grab. ass.

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

I understand the urge to go into a rage when someone yells something profane at you from their car... At the risk of inciting the #notallmen crowd on this forum, this happens to women all the time. It has happened to me a lot. It also happens to runners all the time haha. It's hard to know which reaction is most effective, so try to go with the one you can live with. Still sucks, though. Sorry that happened to you.

I don't really mind the yelling as much anymore. But I do still hate when strange men touch me without permission.

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In Australia, particularly Melbourne where I'm from, there are many sudanese 'refugees' forming gangs and attacking innocent children and adults alike. Recently, a group of them attacked an autistic boy on a bus, demanded he hand over his phone and shoes. The autistic boy stood his ground and was able to get off the bus and call his mother, whom then proceededto take him to the nearest McDonalds as per the instruction of the police officer she was speaking to on the phone. The gang of sudanese proceeded to follow the boy and his mother into McDonalds where they abused them and chased them down the street.

#notallsudanesebutthemajority

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Originally Posted by nix

drunk. men. grab. ass.

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I have been drunk a many of time, sir. And never have I just grabbed someone's ass. One time, I had my ass grabbed. Just one time.

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Originally Posted by che

I have been drunk a many of time, sir. And never have I just grabbed someone's ass. One time, I had my ass grabbed. Just one time.

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I can confirm this, as the one time I grabbed an ass, it was che's. Sorry bro.

But in reality, I don't understand the inappropriate yelling or touching. It's just gross. Drunkeness is no excuse

Oh im not saying i do, im saying i seen it happen ALOT over the years whilst surrounded by drunks..

This happens to me once in a while when I am out riding my bike, although it is usually a homophobic slur rather than the B-word. Anyway, just be like a duck, and let it roll off your back. Clearly, the other person has something wrong with them to feel the need to shout an expletive in your direction unprovoked.

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Originally Posted by Pete

I can confirm this, as the one time I grabbed an ass, it was che's. Sorry bro.

But in reality, I don't understand the inappropriate yelling or touching. It's just gross. Drunkeness is no excuse

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YOU'RE the one? Dang, if I had known it was you, it would have been mutual!

Dankay schoon guys, I feel better now

Silly little fliberttygibbet, how dare she *sigh*

Oh, your German is so cute! Wrong, but cute. Bitte!

I hadda 2nd Gen German Girlfriend once who told me that in the rural areas of Germany it is not "Dahn-KUH SHAYN" but "Dahn-KAY SHOON" :) So in fact it might be your german that is wrong ser

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

I understand the urge to go into a rage when someone yells something profane at you from their car... At the risk of inciting the #notallmen crowd on this forum, this happens to women all the time. It has happened to me a lot. It also happens to runners all the time haha..

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Would runners be offended if I drove up next to them and played "Eye of the Tiger" while keeping pace with them for approximately 45 to 60 seconds?

Also how do I judge if my man ass is assy enough to grab? Just asking for a friend on that one

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Originally Posted by Rocky

Would runners be offended if I drove up next to them and played "Eye of the Tiger" while keeping pace with them for approximately 45 to 60 seconds?

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It would be even funnier to skateboard by a runner, with a Boss DD3 (digital delay pedal) buckled to your belt into a Pignose with 6 AA batteries, and PLAY Eye Of The Tiger as the runner finishes stretching, and begins running, and skateboard after them playing it and singing it.

...It's what I'd do if I had my way

begin edit: Sigh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4

Now I am listening to this with subwoofers capable of boosting (analog!) down to 60 hz. :D

begin second edit: Now I want to hear this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY#t=0.015186

I was going more about the spelling than anything else, regardless of what area or population level of the country you are in.

I'm lucky I can spell in English, I've been slipping a lot lately hehehe

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Originally Posted by Rocky

Also how do I judge if my man ass is assy enough to grab? Just asking for a friend on that one

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If you have to ask, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.

I haven't grabbed an ass for a hot minute, now. It was a good time, that. Now I have to settle for creepily stroking people's arms, poking them in the sides, or giving them unwanted hugs, while they're all like, "AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH, GET OUTTA HERE!!" The ass is a bit too personal for me to touch if we aren't a thing, tho.

Think the last time someone yelled anything at me was when I was at a protest march earlier this year (I was invited. Knew the organizers.) So it wasn't just at me, but I thought it was funny.

There was this other time I was running, and some kid on a school bus yelled "I love you!" I responded "Thank you!" And they were like, "No really, I love you! Come back!" And I was like "Bye!"

Sometimes people yell stuff at me, I don't understand what they're saying, and I just yell "YEAH!!" back at them. I hope I'm not agreeing to anything bad.

Oh man, I bailed out of this thread to do homework but yay for active threads.

Some clarification. The point of me picking on the #notallmen crowd is: Everybody knows that not all men are jerks and harassers. The joke is that often times, when a woman is describing an experience of being harassed or intimidated, guys will take it personally and act like they're being accused. All women have a story of being harassed, we just want to be listened to without having to calm down some guy who doesn't harass people because he's worried we think he's harassing people but we already know that. I have no comment about the rest of that post.

As to che's post: Yeah man. Guys sometimes grab, or put their arm around me, or start trying to hug me when I have given no indication that I want to be hugged and I definitely do not know them. This has happened with rich dudes (more often when I was a server), and it has happened with homeless (one guy where I work has been following me around, telling me I'm beautiful, and using a handshake to try to lean in to put his arms around me). Don't matter. Some guys are inappropriate. And while they aren't always directly threatening, it's still weird and kind of gross being touched or embraced from behind by someone I don't know. Also, nix was accurate about drunk guys being grabby, too. Sure sure, not all drunk guys. But some drunk guys.

I had a flamboyantly gay man put his index finger down the happy trail of hair on my unbuttoned chest at a gig in Virginia once. :) We were playing the lead singer's hometown. Man that guy got the Guy from Final Fight zen stare.

I don't do dudes...the smell of men makes me aggro, so I know I'm a hetro

As for grabbiness, doesn't anyone offer to buy a drink and talk to you first anymore gracious (Cyan Rant) Such boors, men

When I was younger, my friends and I would drive around in a car barking at dogs. Not cat calling, we have respect for both people and cats. We just found it funny to bark at dogs (with or without their peoples) to get a rise out of them.

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

Oh man, I bailed out of this thread to do homework but yay for active threads.

Some clarification. The point of me picking on the #notallmen crowd is: Everybody knows that not all men are jerks and harassers. The joke is that often times, when a woman is describing an experience of being harassed or intimidated, guys will take it personally and act like they're being accused. All women have a story of being harassed, we just want to be listened to without having to calm down some guy who doesn't harass people because he's worried we think he's harassing people but we already know that. I have no comment about the rest of that post.

As to che's post: Yeah man. Guys sometimes grab, or put their arm around me, or start trying to hug me when I have given no indication that I want to be hugged and I definitely do not know them. This has happened with rich dudes (more often when I was a server), and it has happened with homeless (one guy where I work has been following me around, telling me I'm beautiful, and using a handshake to try to lean in to put his arms around me). Don't matter. Some guys are inappropriate. And while they aren't always directly threatening, it's still weird and kind of gross being touched or embraced from behind by someone I don't know. Also, nix was accurate about drunk guys being grabby, too. Sure sure, not all drunk guys. But some drunk guys.

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#Notalldrunkmen you bigot!

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Originally Posted by Alpha

When I was younger, my friends and I would drive around in a car barking at dogs. Not cat calling, we have respect for both people and cats. We just found it funny to bark at dogs (with or without their peoples) to get a rise out of them.

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"Is that one of my people?! I must respond in kind! HEY! HEY! HEY HEY!"

Depending on the cat, they might not even respond. Maybe look at you like, "the fuck is your problem?" Cats are awesome.

Really Cats have taught people to be quick since time immemorial

Cats, the source of all Kung Fu ^_^

"Fuckin' cats," as my dad is fond of saying whenever they SHIT ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

As to che's post: Yeah man. Guys sometimes grab, or put their arm around me, or start trying to hug me when I have given no indication that I want to be hugged and I definitely do not know them. This has happened with rich dudes (more often when I was a server), and it has happened with homeless (one guy where I work has been following me around, telling me I'm beautiful, and using a handshake to try to lean in to put his arms around me). Don't matter. Some guys are inappropriate. And while they aren't always directly threatening, it's still weird and kind of gross being touched or embraced from behind by someone I don't know. Also, nix was accurate about drunk guys being grabby, too. Sure sure, not all drunk guys. But some drunk guys.

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That's so weird, but thank you for explaining that to me. Went out to eat tonight at this bar and grill place. You know, TVs with baseball on, cheap food with a couple bars. Glanced at the bar and this creepy looking dude had his hand around the bartender who had left to go get something and was on her way to back behind the bar to serve more drinks. And she was awkwardly laughing probably saying "hahahahaha please get the fuck off me". But let's be honest, if it was David Beckham doing that I'd still be like "man what a douche".

Men do not like to be told no, neither do any adults, but it is something adults must learn to do or be ostracized from a society of consented social activity

Alcohol has the effect of making a person forget their manners (and let's face it, higher cerebral reasoning in general), so yeah, the libidos of grabby mc busyhands guys are out there in clubs just copping feels and junk.

I myself am uncomfortable with physical contact with humans to the point where even though I've been with many women and have been married before, I don't consider myself very experienced when it comes to intimacy. I am not a very intimate person, I am something of a 'man of 1,000 poker faces,' so to speak.

...I really don't want you to know me, since I'm so shy, but I'm despondently lonely and crave human contact as well. I'm kind of being torn in two by it all my life, here. But the point is, I wouldn't grab someone just to get a thrill for myself, that is not what sex and lovemaking are for. They are for building and expressing intimacy with your lover, bonding with them.

...Yeah I know lots of guys don't like thinking about it this way and call it pansy ass, but honestly that is the truth, ask Dr. Alex Comfort.

Nice meme.

I really appreciate you wanting to better understand. I'm struggling with it a bit, myself, actually, because I'm disappointed in my recent reaction to being touched when I didn't want to be. I totally accommodated it, just gave a stiff smile and let this dude go in for a hug. I asked myself why I didn't tell him to please not touch me, and I think I've worked some of that out.

I was alone, and it was a man I didn't know. Risk/reward governed my actions a bit, because while a hug made me uncomfortable, I could put up with it. If I put up with it, it would be over, and there would be no confrontation. This guy was obviously already pushy, and I wasn't sure how he would react to being rebuffed. I just went with the option that seemed safer. I don't like that it happened, and I'm frankly embarrassed. I feel like I was intimidated into accepting physical contact that I did not want, whether or not that was his intention. He didn't ask first; he didn't care. So, yeah, that happens a lot. And it was probably what was happening with your bartender (plus she was at work, which is like a hostage situation because you don't want to get fired). Women can get beaten or murdered for rejecting the wrong guy, and while we know it's not likely, most of us are aware of it all the time.

Mentally preparing yourself for trauma constantly only redoubles your concentration upon the trauma or imagined future trauma.

I have a lot of trouble combining the two mental states of concentration and relaxation. The first, concentration, was extremely difficult to learn with two 70s weirdo rock musician parents trying to go straight raising 7 children sharply divided along the gender line and culturally mixed into a blistering tornado tossed salad. Also, my dad is of English and my mom of German ancestry, so my life was basically the French Resistance from day 1. Yeah, my concentration is flimsy at best most days, but that's why the music...etc.

Secondly, relaxation was not and remains uneasy for me, I was always reacting to some new disaster or noise or stimulus every single day. Quiet days just were not a thing in my house.

So...I've learned that if you do have a quiet, safe environment that you live in where you can go and heal your spiritual wounds, it's best that, when you do it, you don't dwell on the wounds themselves, or the imagining of future wounding. Don't 'over-prepare' as they say in the music business.

Let your reactions be your reactions and leave it at that, you might say. Honestly, the best thing you can do if you want to make yourself look imposing to a victimizer (let's say a mugger) is dress sharp* and stand up straight. Good posture and clean neat dress count for much when a victimizer chooses a victim...they'll assume a disciplined person will not take their crap.

Little trick I learned from my ex-dad-in-law, the 5th degree black belt.

*Notice I didn't say 'dress conservatively' because that's not what I mean. Sharp, clean clothes that fit. Be as sexual (within the law I guess) as you like, that's what free countries are for.

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

I really appreciate you wanting to better understand. I'm struggling with it a bit, myself, actually, because I'm disappointed in my recent reaction to being touched when I didn't want to be. I totally accommodated it, just gave a stiff smile and let this dude go in for a hug. I asked myself why I didn't tell him to please not touch me, and I think I've worked some of that out.

I was alone, and it was a man I didn't know. Risk/reward governed my actions a bit, because while a hug made me uncomfortable, I could put up with it. If I put up with it, it would be over, and there would be no confrontation. This guy was obviously already pushy, and I wasn't sure how he would react to being rebuffed. I just went with the option that seemed safer. I don't like that it happened, and I'm frankly embarrassed. I feel like I was intimidated into accepting physical contact that I did not want, whether or not that was his intention. He didn't ask first; he didn't care. So, yeah, that happens a lot. And it was probably what was happening with your bartender (plus she was at work, which is like a hostage situation because you don't want to get fired). Women can get beaten or murdered for rejecting the wrong guy, and while we know it's not likely, most of us are aware of it all the time.

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It's interesting hearing your concerns because as a man I have no intention or ever had a thought of doing anything like that. At the same time, now I'm becoming aware that I'd be much more afraid of a drunk guy rather than a drunk girl. Honestly, I feel like you chose the right option in those cases, and I would have done the same. The only time I can relate is when being and drunk another man wanted to beat me up. It's my advantage that they somehow announce it through body language, or vocally usually when you really haven't done anything to them.

One time a guy tried really hard to get me to come "outside" by repeatedly saying "let's talk about it". I almost did. But I would have probably lost that fight, considering he was about 2x the size of me. I'm glad you are so aware of women and their issues, I do think there should be someone like you for men. Maybe even preventative, though I think this will always happen. There are bad people out there, and times are not ever right. People who feel like they need something now, the urges of being a human being, all of this stuff, it's too complex. Though I might agree the women are at a disadvantage, everyone should really look out for signs of these things and keep it safe.

There's really nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched by another person at all.

Yeah, of course. I was more frustrated by my lack of boundary setting than my finding the rando hug unpalatable.

Also, che, I am glad you did not get into a fight with that punchy guy.

And thanks for the advice, Spoon. I'm glad you have something that works for you.

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Originally Posted by OceanEyes28

Yeah, of course. I was more frustrated by my lack of boundary setting than my finding the rando hug unpalatable.

[...]

And thanks for the advice, Spoon. I'm glad you have something that works for you.

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That is how I approach the problem of traumatic dwelling yeah.

You chose to blame yourself for the incident as opposed to the attacker. I find that humble and noble. You could as easily have entertained notions of revenge and violence towards the attacker.

You are clearly a noble, calm, and upstanding person for putting up with such harsh treatment. The hand of man has provoked many a fellow and dame to the ultraviolence, as it were.

The fact that you doubt yourself or feel negative emotion about the experience suggests that you may need to examine your thinking regarding desires. Zen Buddhism says we should abandon human desire and seek ultimate enlightenment through the contemplation of nothingness (I am grossly oversimplifying but that is what I understand of it), but I myself am raised American where there are a million things you can have and a million things you can't have, and it's no fun facing that, but it's the truth.

You have to decide what your desires are, and go and try to get them. Don't bury your identity, but also don't visit it as a hindrance on others...balance is a thing...

Your words, however short and simple, have made me think all these things.

Once, a delivery guy handed me a box and the back of his hand touched my boob. I've never seen a guy so apologetic, I almost laughed out loud. I knew it was an accident, and said it was okay. His fault for making a lady carry boxes, and my fault for sticking it to that helpless chick stereotype and lifting boxes. Idk.

No one has ever touched me inappropriately without consent. Rolo, my dog did once I guess, when I was doing the dishes. Just jumped right up at me. Paws hit ass cheeks. I screamed so loud, I frightened him away. It was just shock, haha.

It's looks I get mostly that I don't like. I have a large ass. I carry my weight in my ass area. And people notice, even when they don't mean to. Everyone has looked at boobs in a low cut top before, and women know how easy it is to catch someone looking at their chest puppies. It's the same with my ass. I can literally feel people looking at it. My brother nearly jumped out of a car to punch someone when he caught them checking it out. The day I was proposed to, some guy yelled out what a fine ass I had to a busy street. My reaction was an awkward laugh and a "get me the fuck out of here" look to the then boyfriend. He was falling over himself drunk, but I didn't feel that was an excuse to be such a dickhead.

Then there was that time on Xbox One launch day. Sold one to a guy who worked down the road. I knew he liked me, just got the vibe from him. He had a stutter too, and it was hardly there with any of my colleagues, but couldn't get a word out when he was talking to me. Anyway, he bought the console and asked me to hold it for his mother to pick up because he didn't want to take it to work with him. When his mother came in, she asked me out for him, saying "That's a shame. You have good hips and could bear me healthy grandchildren" when I told her I was already taken. Uh. Thanks, but no thanks? His mum couldn't carry it away with her, so he came back after his shift to pick it up and said "I hope she didn't say anything to embarrass me!" "Uhm. She kinda did. But it's cool, she embarrassed me too." Never saw Mr Stutter again. XD

I'm very self conscious and have social anxiety really, and I blame my ass for all of it. If I could get an ass reduction tomorrow, I'd do it.

Every once in a while my gf gets hit on while we're out at a bar.

One time a guy put his arm around her while she ordered a drink. I was coming back from the bathroom, saw it, and then the look of panic on her face. I put my arm around the guy in a similar manner. He didn't appreciate it much.

It may have been a one armed headlock, and I may have told him to apologize to her, and had the bartender put our round ofm drinks on his tab. It helps when you know the bartender, who saw the whole thing unfold.

Every now and then I have to be paraded around the coffee shop she goes to every morning to get some of the overly friendly baristas to back off. I guess seeing is believing

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Originally Posted by Pete

Every once in a while my gf gets hit on while we're out at a bar.

One time a guy put his arm around her while she ordered a drink. I was coming back from the bathroom, saw it, and then the look of panic on her face. I put my arm around the guy in a similar manner. He didn't appreciate it much.

It may have been a one armed headlock, and I may have told him to apologize to her, and had the bartender put our round ofm drinks on his tab. It helps when you know the bartender, who saw the whole thing unfold.

Every now and then I have to be paraded around the coffee shop she goes to every morning to get some of the overly friendly baristas to back off. I guess seeing is believing

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BaristOs. Os. Or...wait what are you saying :D Lol tmi

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Originally Posted by Pete

I put my arm around the guy in a similar manner. He didn't appreciate it much.

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I'm gonna steal that, that's pretty good. Neat how you setup putting that on his tab, the arm thing would have been enough for me haha.

It helped that I had a few in me and am a regular enough patron where I know most of the bartenders