A Pointless Story

Chapter 1: The Insanity Begins

In the year of 2010, there was this guy who wasn't sure what to do with himself so he thought up of different things: worked on some drawings, watched a movie, ate pringles, and found this very thread and started typing, he wanted to make a silly story so he carefully pondered a title that would be appropriate for the moment, and thus, he has dubbed it 'A Pointless Story'. It so begins in a land too far away for accurate measures, where there are warriors, dragons, and princesses all in a cliche medieval setting. The warriors were on a daily training routine, battling each other and doing all their fancy footwork and sword movements. The princesses were watching from above, cheering the warriors on and waving to all the people who came to watch the warriors train. While all that was going on, the dragons were meandering the open fields and they so happen to come across a large castle where the princesses were held and the dragons took notice of the princesses. They silently approached them, and then with quick motion, the dragons quickly swallowed all the princesses who were too busy looking at the training warriors and the crowd around that were watching and no one ever took notice. FINALLY, one of the warriors in training, mustered the common sense to look towards the castle and noticed the dragons. Everyone else followed his gaze and saw the same giant dragons. The people ran off screaming, but the warriors just looked silently at the castle and they decided to quit their jobs in warriorhood and all of them decided to look for jobs that are actually worth having.

Chapter 2 coming soon.

Chapter 2: Oh The Stupidity

This one guy I know went to take out a bat and he was all like YYEEAAHHH lets go clubbin for rabites! So he starts running around the room, bashing the walls, I wake up with a start when I hear all the banging and I quickly go to stop him before he landed a blow on the window which would have been broken if I didn't wake up earlier.

As soon as I grabbed him, he snapped around and looked at me asking: "What are you doing?" and I simply reply with: "Just keeping you from destroying the room with that bat in your hand." It so turns out from that conversation he was doing this in his sleep.

Later on, I went to go have some breakfast and I go to look in the refrigerator and, once I took a peek inside, I happened to see a strange device inside. I took it out and examined it for awhile. When I examined it I found a few buttons along with some switches. I took it back to my room to show my friend and he took a look at it and I asked him if he knew anything about this device. He told me hes never seen it before in his life.

With that said, I fiddled around with the device, messing with the switches and pressing different buttons. After doing that, I heard a noise, I turned around to where the source of the noise came from and I saw a strange portal right there on my wall on the left side of the room. My friend decided he was going to play a joke and he pushed me right into the portal, when I fell inside, I found myself in a strange place. Once I got out of the portal into the strange area, it disappeared behind me.

Knowing it would be useless to complain about it or rage in any other way, I decided to explore a bit. As I was exploring, I saw elves, midgets, porcupines, falling doorknobs, and a troll. I approach the troll and I attempted to ask him where I was and he replies with: "Wuga, wuga wuga mugawuga." After that I decided to ask the elves and midgets about this strange place.

The elves told me that this is the land between lands, just outside of outer space, I interject and ask them how we're able to breathe in here, and one of them replies with: "This is the source of the world's oxygen, some of it goes in the world and if you take a look around you at all the vegetation, you can see why we can all breathe here."

I looked at them weird for awhile and said: "Okay, I'll keep that in mind." and then I ask "Is there a way I can travel to other lands?" Then another one of the elves replied with: "Ask the midgets, they know the secrets to this place that we elves were never meant to know."

So I thanked the elves for their information and went to ask the midgets about the secrets to traveling to other lands from this place. Eventually one of the midgets pointed me into the right direction and told me: "There is a book around here, it is located in the floor just below the elves, but to get to the book, you must run around this entire land in 2 complete circles to unlock the passage." So I went and ran around the entire area in 2 complete circles. As soon as a finished, I heard a rumbling coming from the middle of the area and I headed towards where the rumbling was and part of the floor gave way to reveal stairs.

I descended the stairway to this little tower and entered through the door. In the little tower, it was pretty empty, it has 2 emerald green curtains on the left and right walls and a small wooden table with a scarlet colored book. I picked up the book and opened it. As soon as I opened the book, I woke up.

When I came to, I was curled against the wall, and my head hurt a little bit. My friend was standing there all worried. When he saw I was awake he was like: "I'm really sorry dude, are you all right?" and I reply with: "yes, even though your shoving me into the wall didn't help. He told me that I was talking in my sleep and doing alot of tossing and turning. I told him everything I seen and he says to me: "You're just imagining things, I didn't see a portal and everything was just made up in your mind." Knowing I couldn't argue with him I just agreed and said: "You're right, it must of been an illusion."

Chapter 3 coming soon

Chapter 3: The Trial

It was in the middle of the day, two guards were escorting a male prisoner to the cell, but first they went to see the supervisor. Once they arrived, the first guard said: "We caught this imposter trying to overthrow TFF and spam the site. His sentence for permaban is set within 5 days." The supervisor of the cells was shocked to hear this sort of news and he replied with "You can't be serious!? Take him to the 5th cell of the 3rd floor!" "Yes sir!" said guard #1.

They took the prisoner to the designated cell and threw him in there. Guard #2 spoke to him and said: "Now stay in there and keep quiet!" "If you cause us any trouble at all, you're going to be very sorry!" Guard #2 left and went to patrol the other cells to make sure no other prisoner were trying anything funny. Guard #1 stayed over in this cell area patrolling his cell and all the other cells on the 3rd floor.

The prisoner looked around (his username is ghosted by the way) there was a single foldout bed, a small table, a pot, hints of dirt, and a small barred window. He went over to sit down on the bed and pondered for awhile, thinking what to do next. He then had an idea and started shaking the cell bars violently. Guard #1 overheard the rattling from the distance and rushed over to ghosted's cell and shouted: "Hey, cut that out!."

Ghosted proceeded to shake the bars again and guard #1 said: "I told you to stop, now quit it!." Ghosted shook the cell bars once more and guard #1 decided to enter the cell. Ghosted quickly remembered, he had a knife hidden on the inside of his jacket so he went to pull it out. Unfortunately for him the knife was aged so, when he pulled it out, it shattered to pieces. guard #1 saw this and exclaimed: "AHA!" and then he knocked out Ghosted.

A few days later, the trial came, and guard #1 went to come get Ghosted. He followed the guard over to the courtroom. In the courtroom there were two desks on either side where the mods sat, two of the administers stood on either side of the judge, and the judge (who is the founder of the site) sat in the front of the courtroom, everyone that attended the session are members from TFF.

The judge asked Ghosted to go to the witness stand and the judge went over the facts about him. The judge then said: "Now Ghosted, you're here because you're charged with unauthorized hacking of The Final Fantasy forum site and an attempt to take ownership of the site without my permission, is that correct?" "Yes, your honor.", replied Ghosted. "You do understand that we don't take very well to members messing with my website, let alone spamming it and taking ownership by hacking the website. Am I clear?" "Yes, your honor.", replied ghosted.

The judge then called up a few witnesses to the courtroom floor. Rocky was the first one to tell what he has seen. "I saw it with my own eyes, ghosted had altered the layout of tff, not only that, but he also modified the font in the site to where its unreadable!" After rocky was done with his story, Ruin got up next to share his testimony about ghosted. "I went to view my profile on the site and every picture that i had on there was removed by him. He also filled my profile layout with a suggestive picture which violates the forum rules and adjusted the settings to where only he could change and remove things off my profile." When Ruin finished up his testimony, Gypsy Elder walked up and shared her testimony: "Do not be fooled by this man! He has trolled me on most of the threads I've posted on this site." "Whenever I go to read my threads for any replies, they would be removed in a few days. He also did it for fun on some of the other threads I've made. Its really annoying!" With that, Gypsy Elder left.

The judge then said: "It is now time to reach a verdict for our suspect." The members stood up and announced if he was either guilty or not guilty. 15 people said he was guilty and 8 others said that he wasn't. When they were finished the Judge said: "A verdict has been reached, the suspect is guilty as charged!"

The judge ordered the mods to lower down a giant monitor where they were to perform the permaban. The screen lowered to where the suspect could see the screen and then the mods executed the commands and then the judge did the honors of hitting the permaban command. When the trial was over with, the judge said: "Ghosted, you are hereby permanently banned from The Final Fantasy forums." "You are never allowed to interact with my site again." "Guards, take him away!" The guards led him out of the castle, and back to his house.

Ghosted went inside his house and tried to forget what happened to him today. He fixed up some food for himself and went to sleep. The trial was over, he had nothing else to worry about....until a dark sorceress entered his house and haunted his dreams.

Chapter 4 coming soon

Chapter 4: The Village of Poochyfud

Our tale now brings us to a small village. The name of it is Poochyfud (which is a translation for the land of stupid people). In the village, there are many shops and restaurants, along with many homes. The names of different stores are the following: Hubba Bubba, The Flying Biscuit, Mountain Dew, Speed Stick, New York Times, and Badgers Inc.

Most of the store names are copyright infringements, but the village people of poochyfud didn't have a problem with that, nor did they care. They shop at these stores daily getting their everyday needs. Yes, the store owners had to pay fines, and some of them had to go to jail for not changing their store names. The people who work in the restaurants get things backwards. They would get the orders but they accidentally bring the food to the wrong tables, like, for example, if they would have a order for table 10, they would bring it to table 5 and if they have an order for table 2 they'd bring the food to table 4.

They also either get the order messed up by forgetting to add the sides or cook the food wrong. The workers also tend to get things in the food. One day, the waiter brought food to a table and the man that ordered looked at the plate and then exclaimed: "WHATS THIS DOORKNOB DOING IN MY FOOD!?" Then he took the doorknob and threw it at the window shattering a small portion of it. Then he paid for the damage and left the restaurant.

The doorknob, once thrown out the window, rolled down a steep slope, as poochyfud resides on a mountaintop, and fell into the lower part of the earth. The village of poochyfud is, somehow, thriving with 100 billion dollars and they have a 250,000 income. Occasionally, the village would be attacked by monsters, ferocious ones too, but when that happens, a peddler slowly walks out to meet them while holding on to his walking stick and then he reaches out into his robe and pulls out this weird but awesome looking gun.

Once he pulled it out, he started firing shots at all the monsters that were there and they all disintegrated (the peddler appears to have a laser gun). One of the villagers heard the commotion just outside the village and ran out to see whats going on and when he saw the peddler standing there he got all excited and said: "YEAH! no one messes with the peddler." Just behind the village, something from below started to rise up, however, due to the doorknob that was still falling down, it happen to hit the unknown terror trying to get to the village right on the head and killed it off. So, once again, the village of poochyfud is saved, this time they didn't even realize it. That is the way of things in the village of Poochyfud.

Chapter 5 coming soon.

Chapter 5: Total Randomness

We interrupt all your favorite programs to inform you of our new product! Its called the star trek turkey neutralizer *flip*
Woman: "Oh honey! I left you because I found someone else and they don't care about me" Man: "Well my dear, this boat only takes women with common sense." *Both pause and look at each other with stupid dramatic expressions on their faces*
*flip* Ok, we're going to showcase the latest apple product *bzzzt* *crackle* *whooossshhhh* Technician "Umm.. excuse us for a second, we're experiencing some unexpected failures with the device."
*flip*
"In today's show we are going in-depth on how to manicure hairy bodies".
*quickly turns off TV*

Okay.... time for a real story. Deep underground there is an area not known by many, however, there a few humans that know of it and one of them is known by... APOCALOCAWAKKAMAN! *chorus rings out* anyways, this apocalocawakkaman, has some unusual powers. apocalocawakkaman is a normal-sized human with a nice build, age 23, has green eyes, and his hair color is rainbow.

Alwman lives over in California, and he has a norwegian/colonial american/ middle-eastern accent. Right now he is eating a nice meal with his family talking things over, lets see what they have to say. ALW's mother: "Sweetie, do you really want to go to that deep underground palace thats only known in our family generations?" ALWman: "Yes mom, there is something I have yet to find out and I won't know the answer until I look there." ALW's father: "Son, we understand what you're trying to do, but whatever it is, we can't stop you." "You're old enough to make your own choices now and your mother and I will be behind you no matter what."

ALWman: "Thank you father, and thank you mother." "I have my things all packed and I'm ready to go when the time comes." A few days later, Apocalocawakkaman takes a unexplained and unmentioned staircase passageway that leads directly into the underground palace. He descends the staircase and eventually ends up in the underground palace. The underground palace is a huge city where walking vegetables live. There are corns, peanuts, peppers, tomatos, mushrooms, etc. socializing, going around to different stores, and there are vegetables with cars and trucks.

Amazed at what he sees, he walks around for awhile, looking at the different shops, and other wares this underground palace has to offer. Eventually, he came across another part of the large city which contains actual humans, there were young men and woman everywhere. They were of his age and alot of the women he saw there were really beautiful looking to him. Interested in socializing, he found the nearest person and introduced himself and when the girl turned around she transformed into a giant stone and stopped.

Surprised, ALWman looked around carefully and he remembered back to his research and teachings from his parents about the things of the underground palace. Most of the things he sees are an illusion made up in his mind. Everything that is actually real exists in the palace itself. Other people that have wound up in this place have fallen for the illusions and never came back out of the palace. (That is why only the family generations of ALWman and up know of the things in the palace itself because they don't fall into temptations as easily as the others)

After that, Apocalocawakkaman, cautiously made his way up to the palace itself. Once inside, he looked around. There were: hieroglyphs, symbols, paper cranes, crayon drawings, maps, popsicle sticks lying on the floor in the shape of stars, ninja manikins, medusa manikins, michael jordan posters, barbie doll action figures, anime comic books, an NES system hooked up to a tv with only 2 games rygar and fester's quest. After investigating the room, he found an open door nearby which led him into the next room. In the next room, there were stick people behind glass, a purple globe sat in the middle of the room, and all that was left in the room was a cube.

So ALWman walked forward a bit and... "OW!" he exclaimed. He looked around to see what just hit him on the head and eventually saw it lying on the floor, a doorknob. He looked up at the ceiling and apparently theres a small hole just above him. Once that was over with, he approached the globe and he went to touch it. Just before he was able to touch it, the globe tranformed into a giant evil banana with fangs and weird grayish eyes. quickly, he ran out of the room and took refuge in the other room hoping everything will calm down in the next room.

ALWman, eventually got hungry and took out something from his luggage to eat. After he was done eating, he went to take a look at an anime magazine. He pulled out one on the top of the stack towards him and something fell out from the first page. It happened to be a small key. He picked up the key and saw that there was a drawing at the base of the key. (theres a little paper slip attached to the key). He examined the slip to notice that the drawing was of the key being fed to a banana, he looked at the open door to the other room weird and ran back in.

Once back in the room, the evil banana was still sitting there silently observing the room. He took notice of the boy who was about to touch the globe and started to growl loudly and starting wriggling around like mad. ALWman took the key and got as close to the banana as he dared and threw it at the banana. The evil banana saw the key and opened his mouth up wide and ate the key. What happened after the banana ate the key, the room started flashing like crazy and the evil banana blew up.

At first nothing else happened. ALWman was relieved when he saw the evil banana was no longer there and then... suddenly, two bananas appeared and rushed after ALWman. He suddenly remembered he had a weapon on him, he quickly took out his sword attached it to his belt (which he forgots to do often), and pulled the sword out of its sheath. The sword shined brightly and it was so bright it blinded the two bananas and, with quick movement, he ran both bananas through and both of them exploded leaving chunky banana messes everywhere (hope i didn't spoil your appetite banana eaters).

Once the threat was gone, ALWman cleaned his sword, returned it to his sheath, which he but back in his suitcase. ALWman was on his way back into the other room, when suddenly, he heard a rumbling. He turned around to see where the rumbling was which was in the middle of the entire room. The rumbling eventually stopped and the entire floor quickly opened up and ALWman fell into the depths of the shrine which will eventually lead him back home.

Chapter 6 coming soon

Chapter 6: The Forest Vagaband

In the forest of Denahagi (pronounced Den-a Hog-E), there is a female mercenary by the name of Seraph. She lived there ever since she was 7. Her parents were in the middle of a war, which was known as the battle of garden deities.In this battle many people had disputes and arguments on whose garden was better and they let their anger rage out and started batting each other with their garden deity statues and many were killed during the event.

Seraph's parents were included in the list of those who died. Her parents went to retreat into this forest but before they could enter, both the mother and father were clubbed on the head and died. The girl quickly found a hiding spot before they could notice her.

Years later, at age 25, she roams the forest gathering food and water each day. She is skilled in building homes, the forestmen who also live her, taught her in the ways of making homes to build in case each other home gets destroyed and they also taught her how to hunt.

One day while Seraph was roaming the forest, doing her daily duties of gathering food and water, and undertaking missions from other people to hunt and kill, she came across a pendant. The pendant was crescent shaped and shined an a blueish purple color. She picked it up and took it with her.

On her way forward, she stopped and took notice of a tree. It had a strange engraving on it and a slot which took on the same shape as the pendant. There was also an engraving below the slot, she carefully read it, the engraving reads: "All who enter here will undergo a change like never before."

She took a deep breath and set the pendant in the slot. The tree slowly rose a few feet, did a dance, and a doorway opened up. She entered the door, slowly, and in the door was a really dark room. When she stepped in, she immediately fell into the depths of the forest.

When she got to the bottom, she landed on something really soft and it broke her fall. The room was really bright and when she got up, she noticed all kinds of soft pillowy type surfaces in the room and there was a doorway leading somewhere else. She proceeded to go open the door when something suddenly dropped down.

It was a giant ant-like creature. She went to draw out her spear but the creature spoke out: "Don't worry, i'm not your enemy." She put away her spear and asked the creature "Why am I in a place like this?" The creature answered: "You're here because you have been summoned by a great force." the creature continued "The great force chooses people who have lived in ugly situations, survivors at that."

Seraph then asked: "What is this great force you speak of?" the creature then replied: "The great force is the Spirit of Denahagi, he was a great prophet who lived and taught others in the way of living and he taught them peace and prosperity and he was very kind and loving to the people in this world." "Before the Spirit of Denahagi died, he encouraged other people to remember his teachings and abide by them, he also said that he is going to make the children of the world chosen warriors who will change and influence the world." "You are one of the children he chose and once you enter this door, you will experience a whole new life and a very important quest awaits."

She then approached the door and opened it, a flash of blinding light appeared and then stopped. When she went in the door, she ended up right back in the forest, newly clothed and with newer equipment. She headed out of the forest and back to the village she abandoned all these years ago. People were going back and forth, carrying crops and other things from their harvest.

She walked along the pathways of the village seeing if there were any changes to her homeland and it has slightly changed since her escape to the forest. The houses were more modern and the village expanded in size over the years. One of the villagers that walked out of their house saw her walking along and went to talk to her.

"Who are you?" she asked and the villager replied with: "My name is Ryan, I lived here for quite awhile now, do you live around here?" Seraph replied: "I used to when I was only a child." "I once lived here when I was 7 years old and I had to escape because everyone in the village started The Battle of Garden Deities and my parents died in that war." Ryan replied: "I'm very sorry to hear that, the people around here haven't had any arguments lately." "After that battle you mentioned, everyone realized what they have done and they taught themselves not to give in to unnecessary anger and hatred" "I was apart of that war, I'm ashamed to say so myself."

Seraph went to ask him: "Will I be safe in this village if I were to stay here?" Ryan replied with: "I'll make sure of it that you'll be safe." "Thank you Ryan." Seraph said with a smile. To make the long story short they spent time together and eventually got married. A few years later, a foreign being named Regulus attacked the village.

Seraph and Ryan ran out to see what was going on and they took notice of the warrior. The warrior looked up and saw the couple staring at them, he rushed at them to attack but was interrupted by a tomato to the face. He fell face first to the ground and quickly got up and looked around and shouted: "WHO THREW THAT!?"

A man stepped up who appeared to be one of the forestmen said: "I threw it you dolt! What do you want from our village?" as angry as Regulus was he calmed himself down and replied: "I'm looking for the woman who escaped the village years ago, she has something of mine that I lost over in the forest." Seraph quickly said: "I'm the one you're looking for, is this the object you lost?" *pulls out pendant*

Regulus looked it over and said: "YES! that is what i'm looking for, give it to me!" Seraph did as he said and handed over the pendant. Regulus then said: "Yes! After all these years, I have found what I lost and--ahhhhh!" Suddenly, out of nowhere a hole appeared under him and he was swallowed within the earth. The pendant was left on the ground. Seraph picked it pack up carefully and waited to see if anything happened. Nothing seemed to happen at all and she said: "This pendant must be the key that determines who is chosen and who isn't."

After that event, everyone went back to their normal lives and lived happily ever after until...one of the villagers was walking along and slipped over something round and fell down, the object appeared to be a doorknob. The villager got back up and threw it as far as he could out of the village. The doorknob went flying into some faraway window and broke the window of someone's house which led to an ongoing war which would last for centuries. The village is now known as the Village of Gheret (land of endless wars).

Chapter 7 coming soon

Chapter 7: Derp Zombieland

I'm gonna give this one an intro song, and if posting links for songs become a problem, I won't post anymore. INTRO SONG for chapter 7!!
YouTube - ‪Mega Man X3 OST, T02: Title‬‎

Alrighty, time for a horror story. In the world of Derp Zombieland there are different races of zombies: African, Jamaican, Polynesian, Russian, German, Big, Fat, Ugly, Flaming, Bad-Breathed, and Techno zombies. They all have stupid looking faces and you can hear them say: "DDDEEERRRRPPPP! DDDEEERRRPPP!" The only people around that are capable of taking on these zombies in the story are Fred, Bill Von Kruger, The dog (only known as the dog), and a Canadian named Mr. Schwarz.

Anyways, These people and the dog are currently taking refuge in a cave by the fenced in area of Derp Zombieland. There, they cook meals that they have in stock, tell each other funny stories, and they have plenty of clothing, and they also have several weapons they stole from the government.

The government is using the zombies to eradicate the inhabitants of the said people. Unfortunately these Derp zombies just don't seem to do the trick. There is no way you can alter their IQ, and no scientific method useful enough to make them stronger. Once a Derp Zombie, always a Derp Zombie.

As stupid as Derp Zombies are, they have the unusual talent of somehow being in the right place at the right time. One of the many races of zombies in zombieland wields a sword and all others have either clubs or hockey sticks. One evening, the people in the cave were playing cards and one of the Derp Zombies ended up coming across the cave and went inside.

You would think the guys inside wouldn't notice the zombies as they were deeply involved in a game of cards, however, since the zombie was so dang dumb, he let out a loud: "DDDEEEEERRRRPPPP!." Fred, Bill, and Mr Schwarz got up quickly and grabbed some weapons from their huge stockpile. The dog rushed upwards and bit the heck out of the zombie and then Bill took aim and shot its head off.

Unfortunately for Fred, Bill, Mr. Schwarz and the dog, the other zombies heard the commotion in the cave and they headed for the cave. As stupid as they all are, they let out a loud derp sound which gave the guys the right time to leave the cave and evacuate the area to a safe site. Bill Von Kruger is a bit obsessive with firing weapons (in other words hes trigger happy) so he starts blasting the zombies rushing their way and he blew up several of them at a time.

When he saw he couldn't do any more damage he took off with the other men and the dog and they found a nice save hiding spot. The reason those 3 guys and the dog are at zombieland is because theres an ancient item that is said to make all zombies disappear from the earth but noone has been able to get to this item because 1: no one knew were it was, 2: No one has ever survived derp zombieland and the people of past attempts became zombies from the zombie bites.

So meanwhile, the zombies are running around trying to find the men who invaded their village and one of them stumbled and ended up falling right where they were hiding. Fred, this time, shot the zombie and, again, the zombies heard the gunshot and headed over to where the source of the sound was while yelling: "DDDDEEEEERRRRRPPP!"

Fred, Bill, Mr. Schwarz, and the dog quickly ran to what seemed to be the only possible hiding spot for them, but before that, Bill decided to play a trick on the hordes of zombies. He threw a both a stun grenade and then a smoke grenade which prevented the zombies from moving for several minutes, buying the guys time to get to the only hiding spot left thats useful.

Once again, the zombies are now searching for the guys again and they walked all over the place. A flaming zombie headed their way and the guys kept watch to see if the zombie will find them or not. Unfortunately for them the zombie found them and before the zombie could do anything, Bill rigged the flaming zombie with shotgun shells and then he took and axe from their arsenal and hurled it at the flaming zombie. It ran the zombie through the neck and then the zombie exploded into pieces.

For the last time, the zombies heard the noise and turned around, shouted derp and headed towards the source of the noise. Fred, Bill, Mr. Schwarz and the dog decided to tear through the village so they ran and once they got halfway, suddenly, a trapdoor opened up underneath them and they fell in. Conveniently enough, the artifact was sitting right in front of them. All of them walked up to the artifact but before they could get close a giant zombie jumped down to meet them.

This zombie (looking oddly enough like sephiroth) growled and started to attack. Fred, Bill, and Mr. Schwarz and the dog started to attack. However, the guns and the dog's biting weren't effective. Fred, Bill, and Mr. Schwarz then resorted to punching and kicking which seems to work and the zombie was knocked backwards and hit a wall and then a doorknob suddenly fell from above and hit the zombie on the head hard. The zombie then let out a loud derp and died with a stupid look on his face.

Next thing that happened is Fred, Bill, and Mr. Schwarz woke up and found themselves at home and some idiot guy on the floor all bruised up (his name is Justin). They looked over and saw him on the floor and Fred asked: "Hey Justin, what happened to you?" he replied with: "You tards beat me up, thats what!" he shouted. Fred then helped Justin up off the floor and said: "Lets get you fixed up, shall we?" and then Fred left the room. Bill and Schwarz got up, got their stuff together and left the house.

Chapter 8 coming soon

Chapter 8: Beyond the Norm

Space....the final-- "HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WRITIN BOY!!!" me: "Whoops... sorry." *tosses paper out*

In the midst of the shadows, a robotic hero appears, a reddish/grayish figure known as Drone Man. He wields 2 katanas and and is very agile. He also has the powers of preparing meals, don't know why he would need such powers but it sounds useful. He also has a habit of wearing laytex equipment and for some reason has the development of adhd.

Day by day people will call out to him and say: "Help me Drone Man! My cucumbers need cutting." and "Drone man, quick! I need julian slices of my red and green peppers" and one more example would be "Drone Man! the world depends on you to dice my meat." yeah... this is definitely not a normal world at all.

Whenever the villagers ask him for those "dire" needs, he rushes inside and cuts everything perfectly with the katanas. He cut the cucumbers, julian sliced the peppers, diced meat, diced other vegetables, and cooked food for others. Whenever there ARE actually evil people around, Drone Man's katanas are already dull. Conveniently, he has a compartment which has an unlimited amount of katanas. He replaced the 2 katanas with two more and rushed out and quickly wiped out the enemies.

Whenever travelers from other towns, villages, cities, etc. come here they see what happens in town and they give a nervous, weird, worried, expression and then they turn the other way and leave, never to return to a village that needs mental help. There is only one person who dares to stand in Drone Mans way... his name is Ralph and he hold's the weakness to drone man, a towel DUN DUN DDDUUUNNNN! This ralph person likes to clean off Drone Man with a towel and that disables Drone Man to properly function.

Ralph is a normal everyday guy who wears geeky glasses and has personal past problems. He hates machines and the reason why hes so prejudice against them is because he was working on, what he thought, was an awesome college science project. Someone else's project which was on some machine malfunctioned and destroyed his and that ticked him off ever since. His project was a toaster that "apparently" capable of time travel. Since his project is ruined, he wasn't able to prove it and got a bad grade.

Back to the story, Ralph was wandering around town and saw Drone Man helping out the villagers and he went to sneak by the doorway, towel in hand waiting for Drone Man to come outside the house. Drone Man came back out and Ralph just barely got him with the towel and cleaned him off, laughing maniacally, doing so. Once he finished, Drone Man was rendered motionless, temporarily unable to operate.

Once ralph saw him unmovable he starting kicking him and pushing him around. The villagers saw what he was doing so they ran out and tackled him and threw him into a cell where he remained there for a long amount of months. Once he was released, he ran around in circles in excitement and returned to his house where he went to ponder his evil plots. He pulled out a drawing board where it had different geometric figures on towel placements for Drone Man.

He erased all his other successful but failed plans (successful as he managed to disable Drone Man, but failed as in he got thrown in jail after the plan went in effect) and started devising some new plans. Meanwhile back in the other part of the village, Drone Man is re-activated and is back up doing the tasks that were asked of him. During one of his tasks, he tripped and fell over a rock but he rolled and got back up as if nothing happened and continued his daily tasks.

Ralph came back out of his house snickering and blurting out evil laughs while he was walking along and, all of a sudden, fell in a huge hole and just then a doorknob came bouncing by and fell in the hole and right on top of Ralph. "OOOooowwww!" he yelled and then he took the doorknob and threw it back out of the hole and it disappeared.

Later on, Ralph decided to create his own personal cave. He got back out of the hole, got his tools out and secretly and quietly went over to the hole and climbed in and began digging. When he was done, he had a really deep cave and he decided to build a lab inside. He stayed in there and decided to live in there where he would eat, sleep, bathe, etc.

One day, Drone Man was asked to perform a task outside and while he was on his way, he came across a large hole. He descended the hole and went inside the cave to find a lab and Ralph. He was just messing around inside until he looked around and saw Drone Man standing there. When he saw drone man, he screamed like a little girl and went to hide somewhere but drone man was too fast for him and drone man brought him to the villagers.

The villagers decided to expel ralph from the village and so ralph gathered his things, crying like a little wuss, and never returned. If you were expecting to see something else happen. Theres no hero who saves the world and no villain to conquer things. It just doesn't work like that in a village with mentally wrong people and a world full of other misfits according to this chapter.

Chapter 9 coming soon

Chapter 9: Idealism

On the southern continent of Lharsa which, all of a sudden, came into existence by someone or something, there is a legendary object only known by the tribe of Leaperfyggians (pronounced: leper-fig-E-ans) who also just came into existence for unknown reasons. This object is a shoe which sits inside another shoe and it has the power to grant wishes and, when worn on the foot, it automatically makes the wearer dance in different routines: break dance, tap dance, belly dance, ballet dance, irish style dances and russian style dances. When you have used up 7 wishes, the shoe permanently sticks on the user's face and he/she has to wear it in all eternity.

When it is permanently on the user's face, the person has to somehow find a way to cut open the shoe so he/she can eat and drink or else they'll die. The shoe has been well hidden away for this very reason and no one will ever know about it unless someone was persistent enough to figure it out.

One day a boat was out at sea in the Samaritan Bay. The crew and captain, who are all Bangladesh, and one of the members was investigating the waters at his post and he spotted an island that was nearby. In bangladesh language he exclaimed: "LAND HO!" the crew members went to look out at sea and got all excited when they saw a nearby land mass which happened to be glowing.

The captain told everyone to prepare for docking and ordered the sailor to head towards the island as he assumed there would be treasure. The captain then noticed something else and he said to himself: "The island has a rather odd shape... its as if a flamingo and a pelican merged together and formed into one large creature."

So the crew eventually docked at the flamingo/pelican mix shaped island and began to explore. The captain and his crew came across a map on the beach and they quickly picked it up and read it. It gave them a series of instructions on where they needed to walk, where they needed to turn and the exact place on where they needed to stop.

Once they followed the map all the way to where they needed to stop, the map had further instructions on the back. The captain turned it over to see the inscription: Monkeys always look! The captain and his crew got angry but before they went anywhere, a giant whale appeared out of the water. Terrified as they were, they pulled out their guns and started firing. Unfortunately for them, the bullets did no harm to the creature and the creature went after them and the captain and his crew started to run.

Unfortunately for them, running away didn't improve their chance of safety, because, it so happens that the giant whale can fly, and with a quick maneuver, the whale shot across the island and with one huge bite, ate the captain and his entire crew and they were never seen again. The tribe of the Leaperfyggians appeared and saw the whale and a ship that was docked on their island.

The Leaperfyggians chief then said: "This island is blessed with perfection, no harm can make it past the shores of this island. Those pirates don't learn very well, that map I put down at the beach was a test for those who set foot on this place. "This island has been and always will be called, the island of Idealism. Those who are pure of heart are welcome to visit our land, but those with evil intentions will not last here."

Chapter 10 coming soon

Chapter 10: The Tale of Seth and Reina

In the state of Utah lived an average guy of Seth. He had a nice personality, helped those in need, gave good advice, opened doors for people, and had plenty of friends. Seth even had friends he only knew online, one of them, he got to know her and talked to her alot and they were pretty good friends. Her name was Reina. Reina was a very attractive looking girl, good personality, had some similar interests Seth had and everything was going quite smoothly... until one day.

Seth got in a misunderstanding with Reina and wasn't very good with giving her, nor anyone for that matter, an explination on why this or that happened. Seth, during that week, really had to think things over. He knew it wasn't that big of a deal, but he also knew that he shouldn't of acted the way he did.

He had a hard time focusing on his work due to the things he was trying to get over and, despite the troubles, he was able to maintain himself. A few nights later he had a dream, a dream he did not expect to have at all. He dreamed that he went to visit some place called 'Estoplis Arna' and he went to go to the hotel nearby and get himself a room.

Coincidentally, someone drove up and parked there, it appeared to be Reina and it was the first time they have ever seen each other in real life, Reina rushed over to Seth and gave him a big hug saying: "Lets forget about what happened, lets be friends again." Seth explained that he was going to get a reservation for a hotel room and Reina asked to join and Seth accepted.

So they roomed together and later visited the Arna. They visited the museums there, went out to eat when they got hungry, went sightseeing, and just hung out like friends normally would. After the dream was over, Seth woke up, he remembered why things didn't turn out right, he forgot to add something to the explination that started the whole mess.

He remembered that he was hiding something, and he didn't want to get Reina feeling awkward for it. The thing he was hiding was the fact that he liked her and he felt he was getting too attracted and he tried to distance himself so that he wouldn't screw things up. He didn't want to go down a path she can't follow, sure he could of carefully explained that bit to her, but he wasn't sure if she would of been comfortable talking about it. He never did had anything against her, that would of been too silly of him to do so.

So several days pass, a few months go by as well, Reina decided to send him a message telling him that she got over the situation and she was willing to accept him as a friend as long as he stopped having an attitude with her. This was his cue to explain the stuff he forgot to mention and so they talked things over, the rest was wrapped away in mystery... and then a doorknob fell down somewhere in his room.

Chapter 11: Things just got crazy

Deranged from the truth, a 30 year old man finds a donkey, he rides the donkey into the wilderness seeking what he was aiming to seek years ago: a maiden with hairs like palm tree leaves, silk potato skin fur, a face like an orange peel, and a whole lot of other strange features.

This man was on drugs, he took a particular type of drug called alanettis and its better if we didn't find out what exactly those things did to you. Back to the story, hes on his donkey looking for miss orange fruit and potato skin madness and then he comes across this stairway. Its a long one that leads up and curves to the right.

He ascends the staircase with his donkey, since his perception is so distorted due to his questionable drug usage, he sees alot of curves and turns to the staircase that aren't really there. Hes going up the staircase with much trouble, he veers to the right, then to the left, he goes in the wrong direction for a little bit, but eventually, after like 5 hours has passed, he made it up all the stairs. He felt tired so he took a rest in what he thought looked like a resting spot.

The next day, he woke up, all sober, and realized where he was. He was in a mudhole, and right in the middle of it too. He managed to walk out of the mudhole safely and went to find a station to clean up at. He stumbled upon a bathhouse and got all washed up. Later on he continued his journey going north through the wilderness. He remembered he was looking for a beautiful maiden but in his sober state it was a really attractive looking one he sought out for.

He eventually made it out of the wilderness into a large city, the city was full of crossroads, junctions, a Twilight merchandise store that was scheduled to go out of business within the next day, and a whole lot of other places. He wandered around the city for awhile and he was reading the names of the stores he passed by: Jenkin's clothes shop, Doorknobs inc, Bookstore for dummies, matchmaking services.

"AHA!" he exclaimed; seems he found what he was looking for. He went inside and talked to the lady at the counter asking to find the most beautiful girl like the one in his imagination. The lady told him he should fill out a survey and then stay for a few nights at a nearby hotel. She promised to send the results back to him there.

So he did as instructed and stayed for a few nights at the hotel, however after all that waiting, no one from that place came and he felt bad. He kicked himself for partaking in such a stupid quest and that got him nowhere. So he decided to make a living in the city he ended up at and then he eventually found a beautiful girl near his age and he got together with her, dated, eventually married, and they eventually traveled the world together, the end.

Chapter 12 The Consortium of Confused Detective Club members

Strange things are amiss in the Hippie Jippie high school. The news editing team is filling out the many events that happen around the school by the month in their editorial known is the HipJip dai...er monthly. Our main story starts out with the local snub whose name is Jimbob Johnathon the Just.

Jimbob has the habit of leaving banana peels all over the school hallways, and he likes to hide himself in lockers and sing the national school anthem backwards. Note this story has absolutely nothing to do with this character from here on out. We now move on to a secret room in the 2nd pavilion of the school premises. This room is known as the Detective Club, it is a ritual in the school that even detective club rooms should be kept secret.

In the detective club room sat the consortium of 5 members. These members were constantly in a daze and somehow in the midst of their daze, they are somehow able to find clues, they can't solve the case in that state, but they can at least find clues. The most recent clue that was found was a bear's pawprint. What it was doing in the school remains to be seen.

Because of this horrific quirk and curse that the consortium is suffering from, they have secret outside help. The only person who knows of their existence is Ned from help desk! Now Ned knows where the room is, but he is wise and careful enough not to go in. Evil lurks the air vents which are the source of confusion and the daze known simply as 'Evil Air'. He has been trying to figure out the source of the problem but keeps getting kicked out by the safety patrol committees.

Each time he returned, he always had to take a secret entrance back into the high school. This time, he attempted to disguise himself as one of the hippie jippie high school staff members which seems to work out pretty well for him. He just so happened to enter the school at the right time to see one of the staff members walk off in an odd direction. Carefully following behind the staff member, he followed him to the basement where all the conditioning and electrical power was managed to the system.

Ned quickly hid in a shady spot that was enough to conceal himself from the staff member he followed. The staff member took out a peculiar spray that had a silver-orangish color to it, and then attempted to spray it into the air duct, little did he know the basement has been waxed and wiped recently so he slipped and sprayed himself instead. Instead of getting a suspenseful and engaging storyline, the antagonist just wasn't careful enough to watch his step and now he lays there dazed and confused.

Ned tried not to laugh as he brought the staff member to the office without being seen, headed back to the consortium to see that they have finally recovered from the effects of the spray and everyone there was immediately caught and imprisioned by the police who tracked their location. The mysteries going around the school that the detective club couldn't solve have solved themselves, the culprit for each crime have been knocked unconscious, and what lied next to each culprit was a small round object which appeared to be a doorknob.

Chapter 13: The Boy and A UFO

A young, orphan boy of 8 years, sporting a red baseball cap, wandered the streets at night. During his stroll, a small, strange, flying object descended slowly in front of him. The boy looked up and observed the hovering object right in front of him. The UFO and the boy stood there for a great while, then eventually, the UFO started to move away slowly, the boy started chasing it yelling: "Wait!! Come back!!!"; This led to a big chase. The boy ran after the UFO, but, the UFO kept moving away and away. The boy continued to chase after it still yelling at the thing (which didn't benefit him the last time).

While this boy was yelling and running, lights came on in the neighborhood and they quickly opened up the windows to see what the racket was all about. When they looked out their windows, all they saw, into the night, was a little figure running around yelling and screaming his head off (They cannot see the UFO mentioned in this chapter). The Neighbors were mortified at this sight because they thought the boy went mentally insane, so one of the neighbors took it upon himself to run after the boy, take him home and put him to bed. However the boy keep yelling and yelling, and he exclaimed to his neighbor: "I'm trying to chase down a strange flying object, but it kept getting away from me!". The man told him he was making it all up, and that he needs to go to bed because it was getting late outside. After much more painfully loud yelling and screaming, the boy finally concurred with the neighbor's command and he decided to go to sleep, and attempted to fake it throughout this moment. The neighbor let out a sigh of relief and returned home.

As soon as he left the house, the boy opened his eyes, and looked out the window for the accursed object he has been pursuing for a few hours. To his luck it flew by his window, which he quickly opened, and then he jumped on the object and went for a ride around the city. The UFO attempted to shake him off, however, the boy somehow managed a really good grip on the UFO. The UFO, then, decided to take him away from his home and they entered an alternate dimension which benefited the both of them. As they entered the other dimension, they were met with riches past their wildest dreams. Before they continued their journey, they decided to rest and sleep for the evening. The next day they flew across the sky, taking in all the sights with all the riches around them as they travel, until, suddenly, a giant crocodile, brontosaurus looking monster descended from the sky and attacked them.

The boy hopped in the cockpit of the UFO, as he was fated to be the one to be able to control the UFO, because he had special powers that allowed him to control it, and together, they wielded the legendary laser beam gun (HA!, and you thought this was going to make sense this time, didn't you?). Anyway, long story short, they took down the beast and continued on their journey. They eventually arrived at the end of the dimension and, eventually they had to part ways. WHAT APPARENTLY HAPPENED! - and so they had a teary farewell to each other as he walked out of the portal to his home dimension as the UFO waved goodbye.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED! - The UFO forcefully pushed the boy back into his own dimension and was glad to be rid of the boy, had no regrets, and left. The boy sat there confused as he thought they had formed a friendly pact with the flying object when they teamed up to fight the dangerous beast that tried to destroy them in that strange place.

As the boy was returning home, the neighbor that put him to bed the night before encountered him and ran to him in open arms. "I was so worried! where have you been!?" the boy honestly couldn't answer that question as his neighbor wouldn't be able to understand, nor would he believe him. The neighbor then hugged him and then revealed to him that he was really his father. The boy didn't believe him, but then a doorknob fell on his head minutes later from a nearby rooftop, and suddenly he remembered his father, and then they seemed to live a happily ever after, if things were to work out that way, then I guess they did!

Chapter 14: Tommy Tim VS The Mushroom Breathing Petrodactyl

In the Land of the Lost Triangles, there exists a certain laddie who spent his entire life training for the biggest moment of his life... to stop the evil mushroom spewing Pteroadactyl from the lost dimension of Quaderlaterials. The laddie's name is Tommy Tim, he trains by eating daily meals consisting of bowls of rice and constant spear sparring. With all the endless rice eating and spear training Tommy Tim has been putting up with, he never gave up on his training. When the day arrived to fight the vicious beast, the Pterodactyl came without warning and started his ravenous assault with mushroom spewing.

Tommy Tim leaped right into the action sparring away with all his might hitting the Petrodactyl left and right, stabbing the foe multiple times, then the Pterodactyl quickly turned and spewed mushrooms at him. Tommy Tim quickly whipped out some bowls of rice in defense to the attack and the battle ensued for several days, until, Tommy Tim struck the final blow to the mushroom breathing Petrodactyl and the struggle was long over and Tommy Tim lived happily ever after all by himself... or so he thought.

Suddenly, another beast came out of the dimension of Quaderlaterials, and he introduced himself as Dak the Petrodactyl. This Petrodactyl was not an ordinary petrodactyl, his body looked too tough to be pierced by Tommy Tims spear. Tommy Tim asked Dak to give him some time to think and Dak excused him. Tommy Tim's consciousness contacted him a few minutes later. “Tommy” his consciousness began, “Call upon the large bowl of pasta.” Tommy then asks: “What good will that do me? I don't have any magical properties.” His consciousness replies with: “You didn't before, but little do you realize when you defeated that other petrodactyl from that dimension, you obtained that power because that where the source of magical properties lie... in the dimension of Quaderlaterials!”

Tommy Tim woke up out of his meditation and without warning summoned the pasta bowl and the bowl quickly dropped from the sky, knocked the petrodactyl down and then.... it transformed. Tommy Tim has never seen this sort of thing happen with the other petrodactyl, so this was a new sight for him. When the transformation ended, the petrodactyl revealed his true identity, the author of this story, ME! I slowly approached Tommy Tim, bostaff in hand and stopped before him.

“That was very dishonorable of you to strike without allowing your opponent to know you were ready to face me.” “Now that you have dishonored your homeland, I have no choice but to banish you!” suddenly Tommy Tim and I were locked into combat, him with his spear in hand, and me with my staff. We lunged at each other dodging each others strikes and clashing our weapons. I managed to eventually hit his legs and disarm him.

I held my staff at him “You have lost, now, I will banish you to the dimension of Quaderlaterials!” I picked up the laddie, who was incredibly light, and threw him into the portal I made, Tommy was quickly engulfed by the portal and along with him went a unexpected doorknob. Satisfied with all that has happened, I gave the Land of Lost Triangles a new owner, which was a cat with the most adorable features, but very ferocious when trifled with. When all was done, I returned back to whence I came, and the Land of Lost Triangles was at peace once again.

Chapter 15: The Sad Wanderer

Wandering through the forest, the unnamed wanderer was walking slowly, head lowered, in the wilderness reminiscing on his days as a weightlifter. He was constantly building his body up in preparation for tournaments and always competing against others in the Grand Weight championship. However, as hard as he trained, he never quite made it to the top. There would always be that someone that would outdo him in the competition, but one day, on that one fateful day. He had a chance, yes, an actual chance of winning the competition!

The day came of the tournament where he felt lucky. When the competition started, he beat all of his tough competitors one by one, slowly making his way to the top. He lifted those heavy weights like they were simple dumb bells. Eventually, the finals took place, he was in fierce competition with his opponent, each lifting heavier weights. The unnamed wanderer was a step away from winning, when suddenly, a monkey by the name of Chipper, somehow made his way into the room where the finals were taking place. He climbed up on the wanderer while he was lifting his final weight, but the monkey sitting on top of the weight, added too much weight to the dumb bell caused him to topple over and lose grip on the weights he was holding. The opponent ended up winning the competition in the end and the wanderer went to return to his car.

Upon leaving the building, he gazed up into the sky to see the stars out, and little did he realize one of them fell out of the sky and before he could do anything, the shooting star struck his car and it was completely destroyed. That brings us now back to the nearby forest he is now wandering through to make his way home. After thinking back to his misfortune, he looked up and saw the end of the forest with an ocean nearby that had a unattended-to rowboat. He quickly ran out of the forest, feeling much better, and took the boat for a spin, unfortunately, the boat was a trap! A trap set by the legendary octopus named, GelatinousOctopi.

While the wanderer was rowing, he noticed something different about the water, despite how dark it was, the water started twirling around and around, creating a huge whirlpool and GelatinousOctopi quickly shot out of the whirlpool and quickly turned towards the victim and faced him. The wanderer looked up and talked to the beast unhappily: "What do you want? I'm just trying to get back home!" but GelatinousOctopi loud out a large shriek, used his tentacles to crush the boat, and took the poor wanderer with him. The wanderer now lives in imprisonment in the lair of the GelatinousOctopi. No one knows about his whereabouts, and he was well provided with food, clothing, and a home. The monkey was also there with him and it turns out the monkey is also the right-hand assistant of the legendary beast. To make the long story short, they all become friends. The GelatinousOctopi rests in his throne with his doorknob which he claims as if it was a pet. This ends a would-be sad story about the wanderer, but he comes out with the best outcome for someone with the worst luck.

^ This story won the World of Fiction contest I entered in.