aliera
Registered User

hey! im gonna post more of my story in a minute..... i still need a name!! i know pretty lame right? but i couldnt think of any!! do you have any suggestions?

As a first step to villain design, i like to formulate the evil plan, then build the character around it as a person who would want to implement it.

You may want to implement your own villain, makes it easier for you to influence the story.

That's not really within his character, he doesn't care about people enough to spend time and effort bothering one. And he actually wants the Light Warriors to be successful. As the first part of his plan.

Sure thing, thought I'd appreciate if you let me know if there's anything specific you need him to do for story sake.

oh, I'd actually be scared to ride a horse, I'm more of a gaot person myself though horses are nice to look at, how many do you have or are you in a club?

As a participant in an RP, generally you use a limited narrative, meaning I can't write about anything unless somebody's character knows about it, or the omniscient narrator has already introduced it. As the leader however you use the omniscient narrative, basically you control the world in addition to your characters. Until you narrate what's going on, I can't react it or take control of the situation without overstepping my boundaries as a participant. When the leader DOESN'T use the omniscient narrative, you usually wind up with everybody off doing their own thing, triggering world events as they see fit whether your intended storyline would allow it or not. As the leader you have to set the boundaries and create the story, if you don't someone else, or everyone else does, and they usually end up making a mess. What I'm working on now is in the limited narrative, I can't control world events, only things about myself, world events are left under your control. So unless you make something happen, nothing is going on with Lailah right now other than a strange feeling and a nightmare. And I'm glad to see you using the third person, it makes your writing flow much better and sound more like a story when read.

When leading an RP you almost HAVE to use an omniscient narrative. RIght now for example, because your character doesn't know what's gioing on, I have no way to find out, so I'm just posting filler until your character learns what's happening so you can write about it.

Horse riding, cool
ever fall off?

Can you explain me please what is a boarding school ?

You can still do that from third person past, just has to be worded a bit differently,using he or she instead of I, putting thoughts in quotes and such.

Hey miss Vanny How are u ?

Well, one thing I notice that semi-bothers me, also see it in your RP posts is that you write in the first person and in present tense. Especially in story/fanfic type writing I prefer the third person past tense, writing as a narrator rather than a character. A narrative stance has the wonderful added benefit of narrative omniscience. As a narrator you are free to write anything because you speak from the omniscient perspective of the creator who knows everything going on, where being in the first person limits you to things the character knows and has experienced. It also means you can't explore the thoughts of other characters or speak from a narrative standpoint without changing the POV of your writing, which is generally considered weak writing and can be difficult to follow. A fine example, in the RP you switched to past tense for part of a post because first person present tense just didn't fit. Third person past tense works well anywhere. As for the story itself, well done.