Hurdurdur I'll tell you about a swim race, SEA MONSTERS and a mermaid that we will NEVER COME BACK AND EXPLAIN. Grendel? What an annoying monster! I should fight it naked! Good thing there are oddly placed candles and heads of dead people to cover my most likely monstrous member. Speaking of monsters, Grendel's mom is a babe so instead of killing her, I did her. And then I was made king because Anthony Hopkins was a fat hobbit who killed himself for like... NO reason other than to put me on the throne. Yeah, I decided not to return home in this movie. I just married Hopkins's woman. Skip ahead a couple decades. Yeah, assholes, I'm like 65. Bet you didn't think you'd watch a movie about old ass Beowulf dealing with his queen who doesn't like him but actually loves him. Oh! Remember the dragon from the story? Yeah, well, it's actually my kid and I took out his HEART (HIS DRAGON HUMAN HEART) with my bare hands! And then we fell, and we were dying, when the ocean waaaaaashed away the scales and revealed a younger, very gold and very hairless me. Yeah, we want an Oscar so ****ing badly, we'll put one in our movie. I AM BEOWULF.