Death to the weak

[Hobaginator]

My name is Kelder Wran. I have been sent back in time by the Intergalactic Federation (IF) with the mission of learning and developing dangerous close-quarters combat techniques and tactics forged in the forgotten and faded pages of antiquity. Earth is one such planet that has amassed great interest from my superiors, for the species that overtook this planet were creatures of moderate mental capacity complemented with feirce aggresson and will to survive. Their combat prowess is legendary. Against my preference, I have been sent to this horrid planet to accomplish my assignment.

My initial survey of the landscape reveals an abundance of flora and fauna around every corner of thick jungle. The surface air is richer than any planet I have yet to encounter. I still haven't become used to the levels of hydrogen and oxygen present. I almost don't need to breathe. Yet another challenge is the distinct lack of gravity, at approximately .342 times 'natural' levels (natural being what we set our artificial gravity to in our ships, what is most comfortable to my people) I find it hard not to bound too far or to leap to high as I traverse this unusually dense terrain. The heat is unbearable. I feel as though the star that lights this solar system is penetrating me to my core and strangling the life out of me. At this moment in time, what drives me onward is the motivating thought if being able to hand over my resignation letter the instant I return. I am already piecing together the narrative. The word outrage often comes to mind.

Armed with nothing other than my battle-tested body and my keen wit, I prepare for my long and arduous vacation in this most hostile of environments. For what end my superiors believe dumping me on this puny flake of space dust will accomplish seems beyond my level of understanding a this precise moment in time. Perhaps they wish to punish me.

[ziroth]

My name is SGF-Hyoko Hayate of the US Army, Just turned 26 the other day.. God Im getting old... Ive been assigned to train puke faces(New soldiers) who are fresh out of Basic training. I do not look forward to this, so as of now I start my Nutty bar eating Binge. I pray that these recruits show promise. I hear that a strange nuclear disperse was found in a jungle in America a couple days ago, they believe it was a glitch in the system. Damn computers never get anything right.

I was relieved to hear I was not alone in the training to come. My old squad mate volunteered to keep me company, I just hope he doesn't mess things up. We start a new training exercise tomorrow, we are going to the city to recruit new members and this will show soldiers how to handle the public and address them cordially. We may even have qualifications to replace these puke faces in central square New York. Lets see who can best these So called "Soldiers" in fair hand to hand combat.