A serious question regarding the FFT culture

[Jeordam]

As most of us know, participation in a web-based forum often evolves into something far more than just names & conversations. Instead, a "villiage" attitude develops and strong friendships (and sometimes even more) can be a result. As I'm a full on n00b here, I obviously don't really have any knowledge of the depth here, but I'm curious as to how this question would be answered...and then there would be a "side" question as well.

Hypothetically (or not): You have children and you die tragically. Let us suppose that there are no family members or whoever else to take your kids. Are you close enough to someone through an "e-based" forum well enough that you would trust them to love and care for your children? To supply their material needs, through personal sacrifice if necessary? To give them love and attention as they would their own?

So here is the side question that everyone could answer. The same situation applies (you have children, and your untimely death). If you had to choose someone to care for your kids, the person that you choose...would you want them to teach the kids *your* values/morals/religion/faith or is it cool if the they taught your kids *their* values/morals/religion/faith? Is there a difference between the two? If so...which would you rather the kids learn?

I don't so much post this as a dark or emo post, but instead as a question of how we view each other's beliefs. As a society, we strive for tolerance. But there is a world of difference between tolerance & acceptance. We can tolerate another person's views, but would we accept them being instilled into our own children?

~Jeordam

[Sasquatch]

Hypothetically (or not): You have children and you die tragically. Let us suppose that there are no family members or whoever else to take your kids. Are you close enough to someone through an "e-based" forum well enough that you would trust them to love and care for your children? To supply their material needs, through personal sacrifice if necessary? To give them love and attention as they would their own?

No. Hell no. I'm sure there are people around here decent enough that they would be able to take care of my children (when I have children), don't get me wrong -- but am I going to become close enough to them and learn enough about them to trust them with that? I would have to know them on a personal level, not just through the internet.

Now, I know that some folks have met online, here or elsewhere, and actually decided to meet up in person and have a personal relationship (romantic or otherwise). That's cool. I wouldn't discourage or frown upon that, but it's not something I've done, and as I stand now, I doubt that I would actually do that.

... Actually, I take that back. I did meet a girl online once, met up in person, hit it off, and dated for a while. Boy, was that a mistake. I don't think the "meeting online" really had much to do with it, but the "she's a crazy bitch" certainly did. But I doubt that could have been avoided if we had never met online and had instead met face-to-face for the first time.

As far as me, here, I wouldn't trust anybody with my child. Nothing against the people here (well, most of them, anyway) -- I'm sure there are some decent people who are great parents, or would be if put into that situation. I just don't know them well enough.

The same situation applies (you have children, and your untimely death). If you had to choose someone to care for your kids, the person that you choose...would you want them to teach the kids *your* values/morals/religion/faith or is it cool if the they taught your kids *their* values/morals/religion/faith? Is there a difference between the two? If so...which would you rather the kids learn?

Yes, no, and both. If I gave my child up (willingly or not), of course I would prefer that the child learned my values and took after me. I would imagine that most people believe the same thing, unless they give their child up because they admit that they're not responsible enough to handle it.

But the person/people I would give my child to would have similar beliefs and values to mine, so I doubt it would be an issue. As many people here know, I'm pretty conservative -- so even if I know that a gay Evolutionist tree-hugging vegan friend of mine is an outstanding parent for his/her children, I wouldn't want them raising mine because I wouldn't want those beliefs and values instilled in them. Just as, I'm sure, that friend wouldn't want me raising their children because I have beliefs that are on the opposite ends of the spectrum from theirs. When they get older, they can figure out their beliefs and values for themselves, but while young and in the home, I would want them to value the same things I value.

And your (unquoted) remarks on tolerance vs. acceptance were right on the money.

[Unknown Entity]

Hypothetically (or not): You have children and you die tragically. Let us suppose that there are no family members or whoever else to take your kids. Are you close enough to someone through an "e-based" forum well enough that you would trust them to love and care for your children? To supply their material needs, through personal sacrifice if necessary? To give them love and attention as they would their own?

You know, it's actually a hard question for me to answer. In a way you're asking if I'd rather my child go into care and be put in a home with a total stranger to me, or make prior arrangements to have my child sent to someone I knew well online. There is but a small handful of people online who I trust at this moment in time, and if I still trust them in ten years time when it's more likely I'd have had children, then I see no problem provided I'd met this person before (and I think I plan on meeting most of them at some point anyway).

Fair enough, the place they're homed in could be just as good as a place at my e-friends place, but at least I'd know the person and they'd know me and how I'd want my child to be raised. A foster carer or a person who may adopt my child will most likely raise them how they want, because no one will know what I wanted unless they'd spoken to me.

So here is the side question that everyone could answer. The same situation applies (you have children, and your untimely death). If you had to choose someone to care for your kids, the person that you choose... would you want them to teach the kids *your* values/morals/religion/faith or is it cool if the they taught your kids *their* values/morals/religion/faith? Is there a difference between the two? If so...which would you rather the kids learn?

If I had chosen someone to look after my child - my flesh and blood - I'm pretty sure I'd trust them well enough to raise them well. Of course, there would be a few things I'd want them to make sure of, like making sure my child goes through every stage of education possible for them so that they have a chance for a decent future, and that they don't fun away/hide from their problems and deal with them as fast as they can, and how to manage money, and... you know, as I'm thinking about it, the list could go on.

At this moment in time, I can't say I have many values/morals to teach a child of my own because I'm still young, and have no intention of having a child for many years to come. But I hope that whoever I leave my child in the care of shares similar values/morals to me.

When it comes to religion... I'm an atheist, but I wouldn't expect my child to follow me and be one too. I believe religion is something private and personal between the believer and what they believe (a God, maybe =P). That would be up to my child to decide when they get to the stage when they feel they want to think about it.

To finish... yes, I think I would be able to leave my child with an e-friend, if I trust them enough and have known them for years. I would like to think that whoever I leave them in the care of would be able to teach them some good values/morals, hopefully my ones and even ones I wouldn't have been able to.

[Alpha]

But the person/people I would give my child to would have similar beliefs and values to mine, so I doubt it would be an issue. As many people here know, I'm pretty conservative -- so even if I know that a gay Evolutionist tree-hugging vegan friend of mine is an outstanding parent for his/her children, I wouldn't want them raising mine because I wouldn't want those beliefs and values instilled in them. Just as, I'm sure, that friend wouldn't want me raising their children because I have beliefs that are on the opposite ends of the spectrum from theirs. When they get older, they can figure out their beliefs and values for themselves, but while young and in the home, I would want them to value the same things I value.

I may be a homosexual, scientific, environmentally-aware herbivore (chuck in anarcho-feminist for good measure), but I seriously wouldn't mind who raised my (future) children. On ONE condition, and that is they are raised to treat everybody equally, and that they are given the freedom to choose their own additional values. Chances are, the person would be my (real-life) friend, and would largely share my views, so the chances of my children being raised as a homophobic, creationist, environmentally-disdainful, carnivorous sexist are practically nil. But if they did, then that would be their choice. I would hope my friend wouldn't place their own values on my children (to the extent that this would be possible), but I myself wouldn't force my children to accept my views. I assume a lot would rub off, but I wouldn't do it consciously. Let them reach their own conclusions I say! Worked for me: my dad could be a bit more tolerant of homosexuals, but I don't share his view on that to anything near that (limited) extent.

But an online friend? That would never happen. There would be hundreds of better alternatives than a semi-stranger.

I can accept other's views. I live on that premise. And I can also accept them in my own children as long as they are willing and able to convincingly justify them and aren't standing by and not questioning their assumptions. Simply: I don't need my children to agree with me.

Naturally, when I have children this will all change. Smeh. I'm young and idealistic.