Date: October 6th, 2014
Time: Night Time!
Current Location: Britney's Pad

With the full moon lighting up the master bedroom within one of the more upscale apartments in town, perverts got a great view upon the display of eighteen year old Britney Summers, a skinny, bulimic Twilight fan slobbering over her pale-skinned friend, Thomas. His slender, though lean-muscled body was grinding against her soft over-tanned skin with both of their hands intertwined above their heads as they went at it like every nervous high school kid did.

"Oh, Edward!" The woman finally moaned. Suddenly, Thomas stopped licking her neck at the sound of another man's name and sat up on his knees as anger flared inside his crimson-colored contact lenses.
"This is the third ****ing time, Britney. Why do you do that?" Thomas asked, lifting himself to get off the bed.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Thomas. It's just watching the new Twilight film tonight for the thirteenth time amazed me so much."
"Oh, so it wasn't me who was turning you on, but some English acting hack with a bunch of make-up was getting you hornier than a pimped out unicorn?"
"Don't say that! His acting has improved!" Thomas rolled his eyes at her sexual obsession of a man he knew was not one his own, sliding on his pants as he noticed Britney beginning to tear up.
"I just don't get it! Here I am looking to get laid with some barely legal poontang, then get something to eat, and for some reason you make me limper than a dead whale lying on a beach." Tears were now starting to roll on out as his words tore through her thin psyche. "I don't even think God could give me a chubby." Just as Thomas turned around to go to the bathroom, his eyes widened as they stared into the abyss of a shotgun barrel the size of Paris Hilton's bank account.

"Shalom, mutha' ****er." BOOM!

Almost as effective as a scimitar, but ten times messier the upper half of Thomas' head lifted in the air as the blast splattered his remains all over the girl behind him, though Britney did not scream as she watched her boyfriend's body fall to the floor. Eyes open wider than the grand canyon, she stared upon the gray figure in front of her in absolute paralyzation; fear and awe gripped her soul. After a minute though, she found the feeling subside and let out a shaky sigh.
"That was AWES--!" BLAM! A second shot roared through the room as the man's weapon shot through the girl's skull like a scene out of Heavy Metal; one Twilight fan down, a couple million more to go.

As he stared out over the carnage, he wondered whether it was the vampire or the girl that he had come to kill. Both deserved death, but this process of finding these people was becoming tedious when he figured he could simply go to the local cinema and end the day with a larger body count. Letting out a deep sigh, he lowered his weapon just as an old lady walked into the room to stare at the chaotic mess. Oddly enough, she simply scoffed and moved past him into the closet, eventually letting out a squeal of victory before walking back over to him.

"Bitch stole my thong and wouldn't give it back. Here's your pay!" He thought about letting out a chuckle, but decided against it at the sight of a yellow envelope. "Pleasure doing business with you, son." And then she was gone.

"Groovy!"