When the joke of love becomes real

[Rasler+]

See, I have this classmate who's really smart and cute, and we get along well because I'm nice to her. I always call her by the nickname "cute," and she would always respond. A lot of guys have crushes on her, courting her and tend to tease her about it, and I did the same, so now she thinks I'm always kidding when I tell her I love her. Well, probably because when I tell her, I'm always in the mood to joke, so I don't really blame her if she doesn't believe me.

I always joke around with how much I love her, but little does she know that it's true. Heck, sometimes she'd even kiss me on the cheek when I ask her to. Now I don't know how to tell her that it's true because every time I tell her, she says "I love you too" so easily. She thinks I'm only her best friend. Man!

It's all my fault! What do I do? I thought it was just a joke, but I'm beginning to think I'm really in love! I'm falling for her!

[Unknown Entity]

Haha, joking with love is like playing with matches lol! Joking about love is a little funny, but that joke turns different when the feelings are true.

I'm no expert, but I think you should talk to her seriously about what you are feeling. Just like how you came across as jokey when you said "I love you," do it seriously this time. If you can, talk to her in private. Maybe then she'll see it more seriously.

And don't beat yourself up about it being your fault - its not. At the end of the day, you are still a teen, so you don't really know what love is until face to face with it. I'm still a teen myself, so like I said before, I'm no expert. What I do know is, is that its easy to get a crush on someone. But whether that crush is love or not, I don't know.

Next time you feel confident enough, just talk to her about what you are feeling - SERIOUSLY lol!

[Rocky]

Post in my thread and I'll help you with all of your problems...jk.. but seriously!

It sounds like you have accidently trapped yourself in the "friend zone", a place where the girl will think that you are BFF with her forever. But fear not! If you act quickly enough, you can reverse the situation and become her Boyfriend instead of her best friend, but time is running out.

Like Unknown Entity said, some sound advice is just to approach her in a 1-on-1 way and tell her how you really feel. I would suggest to do it outside of school since there will be fewer distractions. And do it in person too. It may seem awkward and corny, but once you get it off your chest it makes it a lot easier for you, lol.

Best of wishes to you man!

[Sarah]

As a female, I'd like to add my own insight. She may actually know you feel that way about her, but is acting that way in an attempt to control the situation. I've always known when friends have fallen for me and been able to time it to the moment when they would profess their love for me. I always tried to quell it if I wasn't prepared to deal with the situation. I've even disappeared when it was way too much for me to handle at the time.

So, before telling her how you feel, do yourself a favor and take the following steps.

***Observe her behaviors.

---The she may like you hints---
1)Does she touch you a lot?
2)Does she make jokes about the two of you being together?
3)Does she go out of her way to talk about the things you like?
4)Does she go out of her way to talk to you about random things at all, in the face of possibly getting in trouble or interfering with something else?
5)In her body language, does she move in toward you?
6)Does she seem nervous, hyper, or embarassed around you?
7)Does she blurt out stupid things like she can't help it?

---The she may not like you hints---
1)In her body language, does she move away from you when you get close?
2)Does she seem panicked at all when you lay the emotions on thickly?
3)If you talk to her too much, does she seem to blow you off slightly or act like she has work to do?
4)Does she change the subject when you talk about relationships?
5)Does she avoid being left alone with you?
6)Does she overtly and repeatedly mention her feelings for or relationship with another person?
7)Is she overly formal or overly nice to you when you spend time with her in social settings, like to the point of being below the level of familiarity?

***Consider

Also, please consider what is going on in her life. If she has a troubled family life, a lot of school work, a lot of extra-curricular activities, or anything else that has her preoccupied, you may want to consider waiting until her life is a little more quiet. Even if she does have feelings for you, you may not be received well and consequently ignored if her life is too busy.

[winterborn86]

You could take her out somewhere, just the two of you and spend some quality time together, and try talking to her about how you really feel, you never know she could feel the same way about you. It's important you tell her exactly how you feel you will regret it if you don't.

[Rasler+]

As a female, I'd like to add my own insight. She may actually know you feel that way about her, but is acting that way in an attempt to control the situation. I've always known when friends have fallen for me and been able to time it to the moment when they would profess their love for me. I always tried to quell it if I wasn't prepared to deal with the situation. I've even disappeared when it was way too much for me to handle at the time.

So, before telling her how you feel, do yourself a favor and take the following steps.

***Observe her behaviors.

---The she may like you hints---
1)Does she touch you a lot?
2)Does she make jokes about the two of you being together?
3)Does she go out of her way to talk about the things you like?
4)Does she go out of her way to talk to you about random things at all, in the face of possibly getting in trouble or interfering with something else?
5)In her body language, does she move in toward you?
6)Does she seem nervous, hyper, or embarassed around you?
7)Does she blurt out stupid things like she can't help it?

---The she may not like you hints---
1)In her body language, does she move away from you when you get close?
2)Does she seem panicked at all when you lay the emotions on thickly?
3)If you talk to her too much, does she seem to blow you off slightly or act like she has work to do?
4)Does she change the subject when you talk about relationships?
5)Does she avoid being left alone with you?
6)Does she overtly and repeatedly mention her feelings for or relationship with another person?
7)Is she overly formal or overly nice to you when you spend time with her in social settings, like to the point of being below the level of familiarity?

***Consider

Also, please consider what is going on in her life. If she has a troubled family life, a lot of school work, a lot of extra-curricular activities, or anything else that has her preoccupied, you may want to consider waiting until her life is a little more quiet. Even if she does have feelings for you, you may not be received well and consequently ignored if her life is too busy.

LOL, when I was reading your post, Sarah, it reminded me so much of her. Not only because it really describes how she acts, but also because her name is Sarah too

Ok, let's see:

[Yes] 1)Does she touch you a lot?
[Yes] 2)Does she make jokes about the two of you being together?
[Yes] 3)Does she go out of her way to talk about the things you like?
[Sometimes] 4)Does she go out of her way to talk to you about random things at all, in the face of possibly getting in trouble or interfering with something else?
[Yes] 5)In her body language, does she move in toward you?
[No (actually, I'm the one pressured whenever I'm with her)] 6)Does she seem nervous, hyper, or embarassed around you?
[No] 7)Does she blurt out stupid things like she can't help it?

[No] 1)In her body language, does she move away from you when you get close?
[No] 2)Does she seem panicked at all when you lay the emotions on thickly?
[No] 3)If you talk to her too much, does she seem to blow you off slightly or act like she has work to do?
[Sometimes] 4)Does she change the subject when you talk about relationships?
[No] 5)Does she avoid being left alone with you?
[No] 6)Does she overtly and repeatedly mention her feelings for or relationship with another person?
[Pardon?] 7)Is she overly formal or overly nice to you when you spend time with her in social settings, like to the point of being below the level of familiarity?

Everything's pretty okay with us in general, but there's one thing I forgot to say. We treat each other like boyfriend/girlfriend in school. For instance, she'd always try to be sweet with me, like asking me to sit next to her all the time and play the piano for her, and she would let my wrap my arm around her shoulder.

Also, us guys in class like playing what we call "buddy-buddy," where we punch at each other's arms by turn until someone gives up. Whenever she'd catch me playing it with someone, Czar for instance, she'd always say, "Hey Czar, stop picking on my boyfriend or I'll hit you myself." And all of us would only laugh at it because she was only joking. She's pretty damn good at joking around too. I just wish we were really in love.

Guys, sorry I'm so damn complicated. I'm just not good at this kind of thing.

[IRANianCha0s]

What other signs are you looking for? I hope you're not expecting her to yell out "LORD RASLER I HEREBY DECLARE YOU MY OFFICIAL BOYFRIEND NOW MAKE LOVE TO ME." It's clear she has an interest in you (or she's a flatout whore), it's your move now. This would be a good time to invite her to dinner and a movie, and see about making first base when you take her back home.

[Sarah]

Hmm... there's a good chance she likes you from the sound of it. Take all things into consideration, then find some time to talk to her about it. It's up to you whether you want to ask her out on a date or just to be your girlfriend. That depends on her style, I suppose... whichever suits her better.

Good luck! And if it doesn't turn out how you hope, don't let it get you down. I think you have a good chance by the info you gave, though. =)

[Govinda]

Oh man. How teenager. It seems fairly obvious to me by now where you are.

You're both in that 'like it each but won't say it' phase, aren't you? Cute!

Allow me to explain how it can go wrong (well, it turned out right in the end, but there was a million to one shot at that happening). I lived through it. So, I was in First Year, aged 13. There was this guy called Evan; whenever we were around each other, it was all jokes. He'd hug me all the time and laugh at everything I said, and I'd do the same. This went on for the best part of a year. All of our friends made jokes constantly about how perfect we were for each, how cute we'd be. I dreamed and dreamed of him coming forward with professions of love, because I knew I'd never have the courage to say it. I never did make up the courage, and neither did he, and we drifted apart.

Then followed roughly three years of smalltime stalking and hope. There were other guys on the scene, but I never forgot the way I felt about him. Long story short, we've been together for three years now and live together in the city. We abandoned school together, lasted a year in a long distance relationship, and then he moved up here to be with me. But the circumstances that led to us talking again were beyond coincidental and contrived; it was pure luck, and it could so easily have never happened.

My advice to you is to go for it. Let her know how you feel. You could even make it special - slip her a note asking her to meet you sometime, someplace and have it all decorated and set up to impress and wow her. Of course, it could all go tits up, and I know that right now that seems like the scariest thing in the world, and revealing your feelings seems scary too; but you have to take the risk. Fortune favours the bold. Get her on her own and go for it. Yes, you are going to blush your face off and you are going to stutter. But you never know; it could be the start of something really, really good. Worst case scenario is that she rejects you and things change, but you'll spend a lot of time regretting it if you don't tell her how you feel.

Oh, almost forgot - don't mention the word 'love' when you're telling her how you feel. 'Really like' is much less scary. 'Love' can come later. Be gentle, haha.

[Chez Daja]

Yes, the L word is frightening and if a guy I liked used it on me, I'd freak out and cut ties with him. I'm so manly and testosteroney.

To be honest, though, I fall in love with people fairly quickly. With Andrew, it took a couple of months, and I knew from earlier than that that I liked him a lot more than I was letting on. I can name only a few times in my life where my heart has overuled my mind, and only once was that in a love situation. (All the other times, it was cake or Italian dishes that had me posessed.)

Judging off what I said, my advise to you is to go for it, but as Gov said, take it gently.
Remember, you don't need to go totally to the dating phase right off the bat. Let her know how you feel first. Courting is fun, right?

In fairness, I don't know much about relationships so I'd advise you to go more off Gov and Sarah. I had two "bf's" when I was 13/14 and two serious boyfriends. The first lasted two and a half years, and the second has lasted almost two years. I'm not a particularly overly clingy or saying I love my partner constantly type person. My boyfriend is my best friend and our lives together are spent joking, doing stuff for each other and going to bed. Together. Dirty tiemz. Communication, common similarities and trust are the key, but I'm going way ahead of where you are right now.


First, you need to tell her you have feelings for her, and find out if she likes you back.




The second to last line of this post was the only one that really needed to be said.

[Ecnasaeflam]

First, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. A lot of solid advice was offered, and that's definitely a good thing.

Second, yeah, dude. Go for it. I mean, I've been there (and do regret it, actually!) but didn't do anything. If you enjoy her friendship enough, you don't necessarily have to go for it. I mean, you've got something good, you may feel there's something more, but sometimes a good friend is all you need.

On the other hand, you two seem like you may as well already be together, and it may be that she considers you her boyfriend, despite all the joking. There's generally no magical time when you just call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

Go for it, mang.

[OceanEyes28]

There have been lovely things said so far, but heeeey why not? I'll add my two cents.

See if she's interested in going out in a date setting. Ask her to a one-on-one dinner (or some other activity that allows the two of you an opportunity to talk. Coffee, lunch, etc.) Perhaps say that you would be curious to see how the two of you would do with that particular twist on the relationship. Be sure she knows that there is no pressure, but you still need to let her know that you're wanting to try a date and not just another friendly get together. And I wouldn't recommend coming right out with "I'm in love with you" because most people (of either sex) will shy away from that. It might be that they're afraid of hurting you somehow, or it might be a little guilt that they don't feel as strongly as you do just yet, or it could just be overwhelming to hear that out of nowhere.

Be gentle, be observant, but definitely test the waters.

[Rasler+]

Hey, good news, guys! (I don't really know if it's good or bad, but here I go anyway)

I walked her home today and told her everything before she went inside the house. Well, first she laughed about it and hit me pretty hard on the shoulder, but then I showed my uncharacteristic "plain and serious face" and her laughter faded. I think she knew it was serious and she asked me if I did mean it this time, and I explained.

Later on, she paused. And afterwards she smiled to me and said, "I'll think about it." And she went inside her house.

Whew. Glad that phase was over. Now all I have to worry about is her answer. Oh man. With the many guys crushing on her, I think I only have a snowball's chance in hell.

[winterborn86]

I think that's a good sign, she coulda told ya to swing your hook but she didn't so that's definitely a good sign, maybe she want to think about it cos she doesn't want to jump straight into a relationship incase it doesn't work out and risk messing up the great friendship to two have. Let us know how things go

[Totakeke777]

Hey, that's good. If she even takes you seriously, you may have come across something that many others have not. Besides, having a snowball's chance is better than having none at all. Those other people are probably venting their horomones. Just go into things naturally and see how things go. NEVER take any stupid advice. EVER. Don't do things like listen to people who say "Oh my. That looks like a good sign. But your Scorpio sign is on the 56th degree of Pluto, so you have to make sure she has a horse. If not, you will have to kill her." Anyways, see how it goes.