What do you think of my views do you agree or disagree and why? its sort of a rant on dating. feedback please ^_^
You know she will probably read this but i have to say something. I dont know what to do i like this girl and i told her some things and i know she really like me. I have hurt her many times and she is actually a sweet girl, she really is. On that i dont think i want a relationship right now. I know she REALLY likes me i know for a fact she does, but i dont know about anything right now. I dont think i should make a decision while i am so far away and not able to see her. She wants to be in a relationship and i kind of made her think we are, but i dont know if that was the right choice. I mean in the past i really treated her like dirt but she says she still cares for me and i dont know how. All i know is that i will hurt her in the future. I always screw it up. i am screwing it up right now by posting this but i have to say something. I dont want to be in a relationship anymore, i dont want strings, i dont want to have to fully open myself up to anyone anymore. I think i am going to take a break from the whole dating scene and just do what i want to do. i finally realized i am too young to be attached to one person missing out on all the other people in the world. Its really easier said then done seeing as prior feelings still lurk in the depths of my heart. All i want to do is have fun not worry about anyone but myself for a while. I kknow that sounds horrible but i have spent 4 years of my life with some one i cared about. Not bad right well right after those four years i dated again for 7 months so for almost four and half years i have missed out on my friends parties drinking and most important being me. I constantly worried about what my other was doing when i hung out with my friends and i am sure the same applies for her. Is it really worth having a girlfriend? i mean yeah you have someone to go to, steady sex, an emotional attachment or love even. But is it really worth getting hurt over? All the fights? they do happen, its impossible to avoid. All the jealousy? That happens to. Overall the stress. Is that worth it?
Well thats what i trying to figure out. I mean i have fun with a girlfriend but its not the same. No matter what you say there is a side of you that is different with friends then with your girl. It may be a small part but its there. Your friends really should be first anyways. Friends will always be there, a good friend at least, and no matter how many fights arguments or disagreements they are there. Yeah a good boyfriend/girlfriend should do that but realize this, you need more then one friend in your life. If you cant say this to your other "i am going out with the guys/girls for the night" then its not worth staying in that relationship. Jealousy makes that impossible. Guys will be guys and girls will be girls. Girls talk about cute guys and guys talk about hot girls. its nature. No one can get over that jealousy factor. I am guilty of it. Maybe i am being jaded or maybe i am on to something and i am sending my life into a new direction. I am no saying i am not going to date ever again, i am saying i dont want to do it now. My life style frowns upon dating. Its long distance which brings up the jealousy the mistrust the arguments the loneliness. I think i just want to live the life of a bachelor and just do my own thing for a while until that girl falls into my lap.
I have been waiting for her but i only found parts of her in other girls. She will find me or vice versa. Shes not in my life right now i am sure of it. Dont hate on me, i am just trying to figure myself out. This deployment has given me time to think. Right now i dont want strings, which means no relationship. Sorry (you know who you are) I just want to be me. let me find out who that man is.
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