I and my mother were shopping at a 'Pops Outlet' a store that sells, among other things, second-hand food for incredibly cheap prices. Okay, yeah, I really hate to go shopping - living in a house full of critics might have something to do with that. So, this pressure causes one to be insanely conservative and make bad decisions, and buy things that never should have been. My mom doesn't have this problem - she has something better. A strange condition where hunger suddenly strikes and when that happens it's already too late, her patience is gone. Now, when my mother gets hungry she reaches for the first thing she sees. she uses the last of her will-power and flings herself into the aisle with the most obscure products imaginable. Her latest and possibly worst impulse-purchase was this hot breakfast cereal called "CoCo Wheats." From the packaging alone, any sensible person would have known something wasn't right then and there. It was apparently designed sometime in the thirties.
Exhibit A:
The cuckoo clock which echoes the whispers of childhood commercials "cuckoo for coco-puffs...puffs...puffs..."
Exhibit B:
The "child" whose expression resembles that of some deranged cereal killer.
Exhibit C:
Take note of the apologetic bird, with soul-haunting eyes, fiddling with his wings, perched on the box - where, judging by the contents, it must be presumed that he has taken a dump.
Anyway, after arriving home and collapsing on the couch, mother asks me to prepare this hideous concoction for our 'reward' after a hot morning. I glance over the retro packaging, shrug, and flounce to the kitchen. Now, I've made 'cream of wheat' many times, I'm a big fan, it takes a delicate touch to get it just right, but this was doomed from the start. Obviously I should've looked at the expiration date, but I guess I just wasn't thinking, or maybe I just wanted to feed that irate woman on the couch before she imploded. Either way I followed the directions. To my consternation, a steaming pan of brownish, lumpy goop resulted. I picked out as many imperfections as I could, but even as I did so, the mixture began to harden, tempted as I was to watch this rapid and magical transformation, I hastily dumped in milk and tried to stir it up - the spoon stuck. I exerted as much energy as I dared on this substance, milk sloshing everywhere, but it was like trying to mix some sort of super cement. I managed to slash this gelatinous gunk into pieces, added some sweetener and hazarded a taste. The consistency was like a chunky tapioca, bursting with dry granules, the taste was not at all chocolaty, or even remotely edible, really - it was strangely sour, actually... ugh...
Obviously, since then, expiration dates at 'Pops' have become important.
So, things you should never have bought - not just food.
Your honest answers here, please![]()
Bookmarks