Is it Possible?

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 02:05 AM

In your opinion is it possible to stay friends with your ex's? From any stand point? Iv been on both sides of this equation. Iv been the ex that wants to stay friends and the ex were she wanted to stay friends but i still had deep feelings.

In my opinion its difficult to stay friends unless a) you were good friends before the relationship started b) you never had sex with the person c) the relationship legitimately ends on mutual grounds and both parties agree on this (not says they are friends, he still has feelings or vice versa) or d) there is a long time period for either side to cope with the fact that they just lost something that they had spent however long together it may have been and been so comfortable with. There needs to be enough time after a break up for both parties to be able to adjust to that fact before a real friendship can be had.

I know a lot of people who had been in long term relationships that ended up staying friends for a long time afterwards. On the other hand i know a lot of couples who have tried to stay friends after the fact and failed miserably.

I am curious to know what everyone else thinks on this subject. Both male and female, being on either side of the breakup (The one who wants to stay friends, the one who still has feelings)

just curious so fire away.

**che** · 12-20-2012, 06:12 AM

Assuming both people are mature, and one didn't hurt the other too badly, you should both stay friends. Why not? No reason to burn bridges should you both decide to move on. It shouldn't be weird that you were attracted to each other for a while. Not all people work out as a couple, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't work out as friends. There will be others anyway.

**Zargabaath** · 12-20-2012, 07:46 AM

I find that it depends on how things ended. I am friends with 2 of my ex's. I pretty much text one everyday. While 2 other exs I want no friendship with. One cheated on me whilst dating and the other is too fresh -still- and what happened w/i a year of us splitting did not make me happy. But that is a different topic.

**Freya** · 12-20-2012, 07:58 AM

I'd say it depends on what both feel. If one of the couple is still in love with the other after breaking up, it will NEVER work out, as the person in love will probably try to get the other one back. At least that's why it wouldn't work out for me to just be friends with my current boyfriend if he ever broke up with me. I love this guy, I can't just be friends with him.

That's why I couldn't stand staying friends with my ex right after breaking up. I needed about one year to be sure that I'm not in love with him anymore. Since then we've been friends.... on an irregular basis, that is, because he started moving from one city to the other after we broke up, but... we TRY to stay in contact.

**Leon** · 12-20-2012, 11:02 AM

I second what Freya said, and speaking from experience, too. If only one person remains in love (in this case, me) then it won't work out. Having to go through the fact that she would give someone else a chance over you every single time truly hurts. I was good friends with my ex when the relationship began, and while it took months for me to get over her after the breakup, she helped me through it. We've had our fights more often after it ended, but our friendship remained strong. We may not talk as often as we used to, but she knows I'm there for her if she needs me and vice versa. So it is possible, though difficult, to stay friends if you both make the effort to.

**Heartless Angel** · 12-20-2012, 11:33 AM

I'm still friends with my first girlfriend. She was the one who broke it off, her reasons for doing so were logical, so I had no bad feelings about it. I suppose one could still say I 'love' her. She's with someone else now, so am I. Far as I can tell, we're both happy. No reason to hate each other just because we're not ****ing anymore, why not stay friends?

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 12:07 PM

Che you surprised me with your response but it seems that many of you share the same views as i. It never fails this forum doesn't disappoints.

**che** · 12-20-2012, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by the_savior21

Che you surprised me with your response but it seems that many of you share the same views as i. It never fails this forum doesn't disappoints.

Not sure what you expected, lol.

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 02:14 PM

Your always so quick to be like **** them. At least in situations like this

**Unknown Entity** · 12-20-2012, 03:32 PM

I don't see why not, although I'm not in contact with my exs. I think it depends on how things end and what happens afterwards. Sometimes maybe it won't work out for many different reasons.

It sounds nice. Hopefully I won't have any more exs to test that with though.

**Rocky** · 12-20-2012, 04:06 PM

Why would you filthy casuals try to date someone you had no intentions of marrying?

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by Rocky

Why would you filthy casuals try to date someone you had no intentions of marrying?

You are never going to know if you have intentions of marrying someone right off. Of coarse you can look at them and see the possibility. Your not always going to know sometimes you just hope to find that person.

**che** · 12-20-2012, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by the_savior21

You are never going to know if you have intentions of marrying someone right off. Of coarse you can look at them and see the possibility. Your not always going to know sometimes you just hope to find that person.

I think he was mostly joking, hence the

. But, this.^ "Dating" doesn't just mean "you can't have sex with anyone else but this person". It means you are curious about someone and want to learn more. It just so happens that most of the time in society dating DOES mean people feel exclusive. So however it is you try to find that how you do it. Sometimes what you find out isn't always the best. And a lot of the times it doesn't take 6 years.

edit: I dunno where I was going with the sex thing, I'm just trying to cover all bases here.

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 06:24 PM

Right i understood that he was at least half joking. I thought it yes important to respond though. And you right dating, at least in America is deemed exclusive to each other its two steps away from marriage. Dating is were you get to know one another and spend time together and eventually prepare for engagement.

I love how you bring up the point that it doesn't always take a long time. Me and my current girlfriend have been talking about moving in together for the past week and we have only been together since thanksgiving. Sometimes when you know, you know. Ya know?

**che** · 12-20-2012, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by the_savior21

Right i understood that he was at least half joking. I thought it yes important to respond though. And you right dating, at least in America is deemed exclusive to each other its two steps away from marriage. Dating is were you get to know one another and spend time together and eventually prepare for engagement.

I love how you bring up the point that it doesn't always take a long time. Me and my current girlfriend have been talking about moving in together for the past week and we have only been together since thanksgiving. Sometimes when you know, you know. Ya know?

Haha, my original meaning behind that was "a lot of times it doesn't take 6 years to find out you really won't work out". But the opposite is awesome! Though, if I could be so bold, I wouldn't recommend moving in on short notice. If you do, I recommend doing a 6 month lease instead of a 12 month. I know you guys are all in love and stuff, but just be smart. You're young. I wish you both the best though!

**the_savior21** · 12-20-2012, 06:46 PM

Yea well we are not stupid we are both in college and we are planning on moving in with a couple that we are friends with and your right a six month lease is a good idea so then if things don't work out. There is time between now and then so we will see.