How to be a nice person

[Rowan]

How does someone become a nicer person? Ill use myself as an example;

I tend to hold the unpopular opinion. I tend to voice those opinions and do it for a number of reasons;
-Because others express their opinions
-Because If I dont, then who will?
-because it is my right.
-I cant keep my mouth shut when people talk nonsense to those who wouldnt otherwise know better.

I lack empathy for humans. Unlike myself, those I lack empathy for are ones that are;
-Lack responsibility for their own actions
-Hurt other people or animals
-Ignore information at the behest of their bigotry
-Commit crimes (vandalise property, theft, etc.)

Many times I've made an effort at being nice but it is very obvious to me that people mistake that kindness for weakness. So this tells me that im doing it wrong. If i represent myself with a neutral attitude, people then ask me "what's wrong?" as if not smiling 24/7 constitutes a great wrong in my life. A lot of times I just cant be bothered putting on an emotional exhibit for anyone and then people just dont talk to me, which I somewhat prefer. But at the end of the day, I would like to be a nicer person naturally, how would this be possible?

Having said all of this, it doesn't mean that I am not also a considerate and reasonable person. I always clean up after myself, keep a tidy room/workplace, I take care of my (and others) belongings, I treat people with respect and my manners are by far the most prominent thing about my considerate nature. I always say "Thank-you" to the subway eat fresh people after recieving my order. But these kind of morals dont hold up to general 'niceness' in todays world.

Of course, I'd been using myself as an example, but the general purpose for this thread is
-What makes a nice person
-How to be a nicer person

[Andromeda]

That's certainly a complicated question. Saying just be nice does actually involve more than just "being nice". It comes down more to others perceptions I think rather than personal belief that one is nice. Because like you said, you can think you're acting nice, but it is being misconstrue as something else.

It's a hard thing to easily breakdown in what it make it happen. For me, it is just how I live my life. I don't think am I be nice, I just act that way and I can only guess others think of me being a nice person. There's a lot of odd things about me though that probably fall outside what you'd normally find in people considered nice. They probably help for me, but I'm one of those type of people that doesn't really exist too much anymore. I'm old fashion, sheltered, clean minded, have trouble actually being mean to someone and in general I lack of a lot of the baked in prejudices that exist today. So I'm a little bit of a weird one and probably not the best to be asking since you're not going to find a lot of people like me running around.

People probably say I'm nice, but they also don't understand how I can be the way I am. I mean when I get exacerbated I say "fudge".

But I don't believe all of that really makes me nice. Or makes other people perceive me as being nice. It's sort of the whole package and your presentation. When I'm comfortable with the individuals, I'm generally a chatty person that tries to make everyone feel included and warm and polite to everyone. I enter my room at work saying "Good Morning" aloud to everyone and start asking how everyone's doing. And I come off as being a positive and upbeat, cheerful person. It all works together.

Though it's going to be different for everyone. I suspect the way I am probably annoys people too because they just want to be left alone or something.

Making change now though with people that already know you probably will be difficult because they'll be aware of the change. So it'll be harder to do with people you're familiar with. Strangers have no impressions or expectations of you, so it'll probably be easier with them.

[Michael Swayne]

Niceness is overrated.

But seriously, you seem plenty nice in my opinion. And that's just it really. "Being nice" is a matter of opinion. And there is fine line between niceness and some not-quite-nice terms (sucking up, brown-nosing, etc.).

How can one be nicer? Well, there's always practicing the Golden Rule. Treat people how you would want to be treated. Then there's smiling. People generally think people who are smiling are nice. Helping others, even if it is just something small.

Maybe I don't know what it is you are really asking. The things you described in your post make you a nice person in my book. You would think I would know all about niceness with my current title, but I don't really do anything that out of the ordinary. I don't think there is a set equation to achieving niceness.

[loaf]

I'm nice because I've grown up being taught this...You treat the people the way you want to be treated.

Half my life I've had rude ass people around me and claimed to be my "friends".
I stayed being a "nice" person.
Being nice is only determined by the one claiming it.
I can say someone is nice but someone else can think differently. Based on their own experience or how they see them as they are.

All my friends out here say I'm the nicest friend they have ever had, and honestly I find that ****ed up that someone like me can be considered the nicest friend but then again...I'm not a complete utter asshole in front of people because that is just stupid.

How to be a nicer person? Question is moot. Anything I can give advise for can make no sense to you. Honestly, you have to figure out how to be nice on your own. You can have help and guidance that can give you an idea on how to be nice...but in the end, you have to find out how.

[Alpha]

By nice do you mean "polite" or do you mean "empathetic", or something else?

Someone can hold what I would consider douche-baggy self-centered and unpopular opinions, but still be perfectly polite and pleasant to be around when not having contentious discussions.

People seem to very often conflate politeness and empathy, when they are quite different things.

[Rowan]

By nice do you mean "polite" or do you mean "empathetic", or something else?

Someone can hold what I would consider douche-baggy self-centered and unpopular opinions, but still be perfectly polite and pleasant to be around when not having contentious discussions.

People seem to very often conflate politeness and empathy, when they are quite different things.

They both fall under the catagory of 'niceness' and overall generality of how people perceive you. In my experience, you only need to be lacking at either one for people to make their judgement calls. And I agree, some people can hold really one-sided apologist, irrational world views and I would still consider them to have other great qualities worthy of learning from. But at the end of the day, whether people will ever admit to it or not, we all generalise each other to a degree as its only human nature to see patterns (which is a blessing and a curse).

[Yoko]

Someone can do a nice gesture, but it doesn't mean they are a nice person. It's all about perception, in my opinion. The same could be said in reverse as well.

For example, I can be an absolute jerk to someone or a nice person to another doing the same thing. It's how different people perceive those actions based on their knowledge of nice actions.

On another scale, there's a certain attitude that some people posses that just seems nice to everyone. They could smile just to be professional in an awkward situation. They could hold their tongue and think twice before commenting on something they personally don't like. In this case, it's all about outward presentation. Do you have to be that way to be nice? No. Saying "Thank you" where it's warranted is nice enough for me. Someone people forget that basic gesture at times.

It doesn't mean people that don't stir the pot are always nice, and people who do stir the pot aren't. People are allowed to stand up for their beliefs, and in all honesty, that should belong on a different level of understanding. Respect maybe? I respect people who stir the pot once in a while. Can't let the thing go stale, can we?

Does that make any sense?

[Clint]

Being nice means being considerate instead of honest. I can't tell you how many times I want to tell somebody to **** off, or how many times I imagine hitting somebody in the face repeatedly with a brick, but I don't do those things, because it isn't nice. Pleasantries are nice. Telling somebody please and thank you, and keeping your mouth shut if you have negative feelings towards that person.

There's another side to being nice. Doing something nice for somebody because you love them. That's just called taking care of your own and being a good person.

[Cyanist]

An excellent sentiment, sir. I'm glad to see such refreshing originality still exists.

Many times I've made an effort at being nice but it is very obvious to me that people mistake that kindness for weakness. So this tells me that im doing it wrong.

I can relate. My brothers started walking over me a couple years ago, which will happen when you spend the first umpteen years changing diapers. When they question your conviction, simply stare soberly at them. A good glower is nice (I'm told I have a scary one). If they persist, refuse to do that certain person any favors. Nobody should have to work for ingrates, correct?

I'm still learning, but I have been called nice before, usually because I go out of my way to help with things, in order to do that, I force myself to function at a level when I am constantly aware of my general surroundings. Also, it's important to note that just doing these favors is not enough. You have do them 'sweetly'. For instance, if you hand a person a bowl pretend you're helping someone important to you, because everyone likes to feel that way. And don't grunt when they say thank you, say something like 'It was my pleasure' or 'Your very welcome' or even 'Think nothing of it'. obviously this can be tailored to fit your personality or mood.

If i represent myself with a neutral attitude, people then ask me "what's wrong?" as if not smiling 24/7 constitutes a great wrong in my life. A lot of times I just cant be bothered putting on an emotional exhibit for anyone

Smiling is taxing? Well, yeah it is. I can't help with that, except to suggest that you don't have to go full-bore (is it boar?) Just make sure you elevate your eyebrows a little when people are looking - it makes a difference!

Let me see what else I can come up with off the top of my head... The nicest person I know would be my little sister, who is like the cuter reincarnation of Aerith, btw, it's absolutely enchanting to be around her, and yes, I hated growing up with her, but now you too can benefit from my neglected childhood with four simple steps.

Now, from studying the way she behaves, I've pinpointed the features of her 'personality' and have successfully mimicked her on several occasions. Of course we can't all be cute undersized elves with long eyelashes and lovable dimples, but the good news is that people don't really care what you look like as long as you do what you do with confidence and consistency, people can still think you walk on air.

Step 1: You can't just be 'nice' without energy, so unless you're made of candy canes, go chug an energy drink or slap yourself to wake up.
Step 2: When you greet someone, inquire about their health, or compliment them (make sure it's something you yourself admire, because otherwise, that would be a lie), show interest. Anything that lets them know that you are aware of more than yourself. Most people will be delighted just to answer a polite question such as "So, how are you holding up in this weather?" (my usual mistake after this stunning opener, is to hastily nod at the answer and go back to my cocoon)
Step 3: Be in the moment. When you're talking to someone, don't let the conversation sag. A good tip is to have at least three questions you can ask that person about. Beyond that, the convo usually takes flight and once that happens all you have to do is give it the occasional nudge.
Step 4: Be modest (nobody likes a braggart), but don't just agree with others either (though it sounds like you don't have that problem).

Well, that's just about all I know about being nice. As I said before, I'm still learning.