How do you (personally) deal with depression?

**LocoColt04** · 06-15-2017, 11:33 PM

Hey dudes. Been a while.

This is about to sound super fucking insensitive but I need to ask it anyway:
I know a fair few of you have dealt with mild-to-severe depression in the past and I reallllllly need to know what YOU do as individuals to cope. Because I am having a super difficult time coping, and my attempts to distract myself for the last couple of weeks have ended with me laying in bed staring at the ceiling and not actually doing any of the things I've been trying to do.

I'm finally at a point from which I can force myself to do things; I played Overwatch for four hours tonight and, while it served as a reasonable distraction, it didn't really make me feel "better." I'm not looking for some magical cure because I know it doesn't work that way, but if any of you are comfortable sharing your coping mechanisms, that would be absolutely lovely.

Sorry I've been gone for so long.

**Spooniest** · 06-16-2017, 05:40 AM

Without knowing more about your circumstances, I can talk about a few points out of the gate.

When I was first taken to a medical confinement for an attempt at slashing my wrists in 2002, I saw a sign on the wall in the day room.

THE RULES
1. You will learn lessons.
2. There are two types of lessons: easy lessons and hard lessons.
3. If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder (the universe has a way of using pain to get your attention).
4. You know you have learned a lesson when your actions change.

That's stuck with me for almost two decades now.

In addition, I once believed I was in a minority of males whom suffer from borderline personality disorder, so I attended a group centered on what's known as Dialectical-Behavioral Therapy. It's three major tenets were:

1. It is what it is.
2. One step at a time.
3. Do what works.

It also recommended the practice of mindfulness. Examine your mind periodically, from an outsider's perspective. Experience yourself from a neutral perspective, wherein there can be no bias, no judgment. Really know that you are one entity in a larger universe simply full of entities like yourself. I don't know, I've never had a good handle on describing mindfulness. I'm not sure I understand it myself.

DBT also mentioned what are known as "Mastery Exercises." If you have skill at something that requires a lot of practice, lose yourself in that, and feel accomplished when you reach new tiers of skill.

Caring for a pet or plant (or both) are known to be therapeutic practices.

And finally, I'll say this:

If you ever think there's nobody in the world who is depressed "like you are," Id posit that all depression is similar; it's merely the biochemical reaction your brain produces under extreme stress.

I had a depressive fit this morning. I recognized it for what it was; my body was giving off a false alarm for stress that wasn't real.

Plenty real things to be stressed over, without your body giving off false warnings...I'd make sure, if I were you, that you really are depressive and not bipolar; those require different medicine and treatment.

I hope this helps.

~ spooni

**Master Garland** · 06-16-2017, 02:42 PM

I'm so sorry you are having depression issues LocoColt. I have bee under a horrible depression lately as well and have not yet figured out how to get through it. Add to that my weird insomnia issues that sleeping pills sometimes don't help(going to get a CAT scan soon to see if I have a neuronal degenerative disease on my sleep control portion of my brain.. I'm very scared for my life or quality of it if that's the case!) I wish I could help but I'm as lost as you are.

Thank you spooniest for such a helpful response you sound like you have also been through the emotional wringer. Do you still selfharm? I do it would be interesting to meet someone here that also cuts.

**nix** · 06-16-2017, 05:33 PM

Broad question, Anything in particular stir it or causing it? or are you just generally bummed and oblivious to whats causing it?

**Kurt Zisa** · 06-16-2017, 06:02 PM

Everyone has different ways of coping with different kinds of depression so hopefully you can take something away from what's being said by all

When my cat got put down on Easter (mauled by a German Shep), and I took a nosedive for about a month, I tried to fill my time with things that made me happy. If it felt like a challenge to attempt, even just watching something or playing a game, I stayed away untill I felt I could cope with it again. Sounds fuckin dumb but it helped ease back into being my happy dumb self.

If you felt Overwatch helped a little maybe stick with that first. A distraction for only four hours is still keeping your mind off what is troubling you. Maybe chat with people you can just be chill with? Podcasts or long (like 2+ hrs) can keep your mind off things for a little time too. It's hard to say without not knowing why you're down though. Hope this helps?

Edit : Double posted like a chump

**LocoColt04** · 06-16-2017, 10:47 PM

Candidly? I lied to my partner about my financial situation for roughly two months while my own guilt and anxiety dug me a grave I couldn't get out of. I couldn't face myself and I couldn't force myself to have the hard conversation with her. I should have. Buuuuut I didn't.

Needless to say, it wasn't a happy conversation that came out of that.

**Spooniest** · 06-17-2017, 05:15 AM

Originally Posted by Master Garland

I'm so sorry you are having depression issues LocoColt. I have bee under a horrible depression lately as well and have not yet figured out how to get through it. Add to that my weird insomnia issues that sleeping pills sometimes don't help(going to get a CAT scan soon to see if I have a neuronal degenerative disease on my sleep control portion of my brain.. I'm very scared for my life or quality of it if that's the case!) I wish I could help but I'm as lost as you are.

Thank you spooniest for such a helpful response you sound like you have also been through the emotional wringer. Do you still selfharm? I do it would be interesting to meet someone here that also cuts.

I did not, alas, have the thought of survival in mind when I did that. I haven't re-attempted since, no.

No, I seriously was going to punch my ticket. That was a bad day.

**nix** · 06-17-2017, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by LocoColt04

Candidly? I lied to my partner about my financial situation for roughly two months while my own guilt and anxiety dug me a grave I couldn't get out of. I couldn't face myself and I couldn't force myself to have the hard conversation with her. I should have. Buuuuut I didn't.

Needless to say, it wasn't a happy conversation that came out of that.

Apologise, learn from it, do what you need to do to improve your financial situation. It's only money homey, time and effort will fix it and so will how you're feeling.

This to shall pass and all that, more bad times will come, and so will good times, just don't let the bad overwhelm you, the more experiences like this you have the easier it gets, yer still a young fella

**Pete** · 06-17-2017, 07:10 AM

You're already taking the right steps by admitting where you made mistakes. You already did the hard part by having the conversation. The rest of it lies in trying to be better and acknowledging the situations where you were weak, and identifying future situations where you may be weak again.

Just remember to be open and honest with things in the future. Keep communication open, because that's the only way to rebuild trust.

As for dealing with depression, it'll pass. Stop dwelling on what has happened and focus on what you can do. Make to do lists, for the day, week, etc. It helps to have goals, no matter how minute. Try to exercise a little bit each day, even if it's just going on a walk. Being outside will help to clear your head.

Hell, if you absolutely have to, get the hell out of the Pacific northwest. Get some sun

Other than that, just keep on keeping on

**Rowan** · 06-18-2017, 03:29 PM

1. Identify where the depression is coming from
2. Can I solve this? How can I solve this
3. Try, try, try

Or alternatively, you can let time do its thing. Depending on what the issue is of course. Time has a way of making things better.

I understand what it feels like. Staring at a ceiling, laying in bed. No motivation to even play a video game or participate in any of your hobbies. Its like everything has become pointless. You can barely eat anymore for the same reason. You're not scared or angry. You feel nothing except dread. Like impending doom. Best let yourself feel this emotion to its fullest extent and then once you realize it cant get any worse, you'll start to feel some warmth come back into your day to day routine. The little joys make themselves subtly apparent again. You'll deal with things your way.

**01habbo** · 06-19-2017, 12:50 PM

You have already done a lot by admitting you have a problem now you just need the help.

Go and find a counsellor that you can connect with. A professional will be able to help and give you the tools to help yourself. If you don't like a counsellor then find a different one, it's more important to find someone that you can talk to easily, because otherwise it won't work.

Depression sucks hope you get better soon. ^_^

**noxious.sunshine** · 06-20-2017, 07:00 PM

Drugs and alcohol.

Antidepressants never worked for me. I hate taking Xanax. So yeah.

**Heartless Angel** · 06-20-2017, 07:08 PM

**Master Garland** · 06-21-2017, 05:38 PM

I wish I could drink but for some reason every time I do even if it's only two 24oz Blue Ribbon beers I get sick as hell and puck my face off! Along with that Marijuana makes my anxiety even worse and makes me panic and just want to get sober as fast as I can. The silver lining though is that I will never be destroying my body with drugs because my mind and body loath them to begin with.

**nix** · 06-21-2017, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by Heartless Angel

How do you (personally) deal with depression?-glenlivet-nadurra-jpg

**Taco-Calamitous** · 06-21-2017, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by LocoColt04

laying in bed staring at the ceiling and not actually doing any of the things I've been trying to do.

That's what I end up doing a lot, heh.

Being with friends and talking to them about shit always helped me. When I was still in Arkansas, I called my brother every Saturday morning, and I really looked forward to that. It was like the highlight of my week. I also walked around a path in the base park every day. Driving and listening to music also helped, as did creating things, like music, drawings, writing, etc.

It never fully went away, tho.

**noxious.sunshine** · 06-25-2017, 09:13 AM

How do you deal with legit traumatization (is that even a word?) ?

**OceanEyes28** · 06-25-2017, 05:46 PM

To noxious: Try to find a good social worker in your area who specializes in trauma-based therapy. There are exercises you can do to help process your trauma and eventually move on from it. There are a lot of evidence based practices out there, and a social worker can be a bridge. I'm sorry you had a traumatizing experience.

To Cesar: might be time to find a counselor or social worker. I sound like a broken record, but pretty much everyone could benefit from a good therapist. And it doesn't mean forever. Some people work with a therapist long term, but others work with one for 6-8 weeks and then move on with what they've learned. You're a pretty cerebral guy... you might try to find out if anyone in your area specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.

As for me, I trained for a half marathon during my divorce. I've run three, at this point, if that gives any indication of how well I think physical exertion works for my own darker feelings and stress hormones. Meditation and mindfulness play an enormous roll for me in banishing anxiety or self-doubt. I go out into nature a lot, whether it's hiking or just sitting and breathing. And I see an LCSW.

She's 70-something, frank AF, compassionate, and the lessons she has taught me about strong, healthy boundaries are the best gift I've ever given myself. She has been a beautiful part of my healing, and the work I've done with her has allowed me to nurture the best relationship of my life following the worst of my life.

Anyway. You all have my love and best wishes.

**Spooniest** · 06-26-2017, 08:24 PM

Therapy works, they go to school for this stuff, don't listen to the stigma.

Work is a good distraction, but one can only do so much.

Exercise helps, and is good for you, but again there are limits to it.

You should do a 'little of this, little of that,' approach, I think. See what appeals to you...every person is different, and that's kind of a truism no matter what you're talking about. People are complex creatures, deeper, far deeper than you probably imagine they are. Of course, all we can do is imagine each others' mental complexities; we are not telepathic and can't read each others minds (yet...)

But remember, as I said in the first post I made about it, all depression is similar in that it generates the same kinds of neruochemicals, no matter what is causing it. Simply deal with the brain chemistry aspect, and the rest will fall into place. Whether by medication or mental training or a combination of the two (recommended), you can master your brain's ability to utterly shit your happiness bed.

**LocoColt04** · 06-27-2017, 05:09 PM

I've reached out to a therapist, and we've already discussed taking all of the negative thoughts and energy and channeling it into doing something creative/productive. We're waiting for my insurance updates to go into effect (after 01 July) to schedule a first real appointment but it's something.

I've had this problem with my writing for a long time where I have had the drive and desire to create something, but lacked the emotion to keep up with it. With any luck, I can convert all of this pitiful fuel into something beautiful. I don't know if I can put this energy into the novel I've been dabbling with, but I've always enjoyed world-building because it doesn't require a plot to come into fruition. I've decided that I might start building worlds for tabletop gaming. Just blank slates for people to play in, without any guided plots or anything like that. A root for a DM/GM/etc to build upon. I've played with a lot of people over the years and we've always talked about how they have plot ideas for days and struggle with creating the world for them to exist. Conversely, with games I've run in the past, everyone falls in love with my environments but I end up relying too heavily upon my players for all other aspects.

So, I think if I can build one complete game world, throw it out there and get it successfully monetized through something like drivethrurpg, I might even be able to do something like Patreon to do bi-monthly worlds or something like that.

And as with all things creative, I would love feedback, direction, and support if anyone wants to be a part of that.

**Pete** · 06-27-2017, 09:08 PM

Cesar, I'm game. Feel free to bounce ideas off of me.

Also, feel free to call me if you need to, either for the game or just to vent. I'm around.

**LocoColt04** · 06-27-2017, 10:20 PM

I'm finally moving out of our apartment next week. It's super bittersweet because this was supposed to be our home (we moved into a nice, new, big-ish place just five months ago), but I've gone and muffed all of that up. I think detaching myself from the physical space will be very good for me, though. She's sad about me leaving, but relieved at the same time. She talked about how she didn't think I would find a place this quickly and I think it really caught her off-guard. (She gave me the 60-day notice to vacate only two weeks ago.)

I can't dwell on how positive that sounds, though. Neither of us can heal if I don't give her the space that she asked for. It does give me some hope for the future, though. There's absolutely a part of her that doesn't want to let go, and I think we can address that when the healing is in more than its infancy. I just committed to filling out the remaining 11 months of the lease of the person I'm replacing in the new place, so if there's a chance for Aenne and I to get back together, I'll make sure that we don't rush into moving back in with one another. Maybe an opportunity to date each other without being housemates will be healthy.

We started out in a long-distance relationship and I made the cross-country move after only five months. While none of that has any impact on the mistakes I made by lying to her, it was definitely a big influence on how tough the relationship was last spring when we had our first rocky patch. But we got through that. I am confident that we can get through this too... it just requires a different process.

**Spooniest** · 06-29-2017, 04:18 AM

Oh you guys are separating. :'( I'm sorry for you. That is a specific thing I have dealt with a lot, and I've found that music helps.

Music is a way to stare sadness in the face and feel uplifted in the midst of it. Try it out...?

Once again, you have my deep sympathy...relationship troubles are the worst.

**Unknown Entity** · 07-01-2017, 05:50 AM

It's not something I've ever talked about on here, and there's only two people who I've spoken to about it, but the day I got called for an interview at my previous employer, after eight months of unemployment, I tried to kill myself. I'd have probably succeeded if I'd gathered up the balls to do it earlier in the day, and that call would have gone unanswered.

So when I lost my job earlier this year, I could almost hear a laughter somewhere in the back of my mind and that day when I'd made that decision to take my life came back into focus again. I tried to not make the same mistakes I'd made last time - staying up until 5am, sleeping until 3pm, eating shit, not going out, no exorcise (my mum made me join a gym when my appeal failed - thanks mum). I took over most duties in caring for my nan - I was up at 8:30am to make her breakfast. I kept the house clean whilst everyone worked. I went gym. I showered. I played video games. I read books. I did everything I could to keep my mind busy.

The days I did spend at home alone, I did spend staring at the ceiling and crying and I always hated myself for it. I didn't even tell my friends I'd lost my job because I was ashamed and felt like a failure. I beat myself up every day that I wasn't doing something, and you bet sometimes it took a lot of effort to get me to the gym which is down the road - but I always felt better for it. I drank a lot this year too, and can confirm that it does NOT help. It just makes you sick, makes it harder to wake up and makes you gain weight like a mf.

I found employment pretty quickly this time around. Two and a half months if you include the time I spent appealing the decision to sack me. It's a temp job, but the agency I'm through has a quick replacement for you if you were not to be successful. I went to an interview as admin and customer service at a meat factory, fucking hated it there (after so long practising a mostly veggie diet, the smell hit me like a truck) and I messed the interview up (mostly on purpose). A week later, same agent calls me up asking if I can start tomorrow somewhere else. No interview - just show up, get training and get paid.

To say I was full of anxiety showing up to this place on the other side of London, for a company I'd never heard of and for an office role was an understatement. But it was amazing how quickly I could jump into something new, pick up something new, work with a team that was new. No one WANTS to go to work on a Monday morning, but for someone who is driven with the need for a purpose, I'll happily get my butt out of bed at 5:30am to travel to the other side of London for a 8am to 6pm shift.

So in my case, a purpose helps me a lot. It takes a truckload of motivation for the smallest effort, but we're strong. You're not weak, no matter how much you tell yourself that.

You say your situation is because you lied about your finances? Maybe it's time to look into other employment options. I fucking LOVED working in a game shop, but my life has improved both mentally and financially since I left retail. I honestly thought my life was over. But that's just a suggestion.

May have gone off topic a bit, but I hope I helped?

**Alpha** · 07-02-2017, 03:33 AM

Wishing you all the best Loco. I can't offer personal experience of any form of mental illness, but my fiancée struggles with anxiety (and previously depression). There are people who can help, the main thing is to seek them out, there's no reason to suffer alone. Even this is a huge step in the right direction. Keep it up.

**dongs.** · 07-20-2017, 08:29 PM

Previously: emotionally eating carbs and copious amounts of alcohol to drown my feelings.

Currently: therapy (mixture of CBT and DBT), muh-muh-muh-mary j, play with my fur babies, and cry about not eating as many shitty carbs as I used to because being an emotional eater is bad news bears. Sometimes I play Undertale and have a good cry. I also try to weigh pros and cons by giving myself a positive for every negative thought that I have. Sometimes I don't have a positive for the situation that I'm in, so I go with over all good things in my life. Writing shit down is nice because then I have visuals to go off of IF I'm feeling frustrated/sad/depressed about it later.

**sneakerstudio** · 09-20-2017, 08:05 AM

Surely a therapy is a thing to consider. I'd say, try doing things that make you feel that you're developing yourself in any way. Doesn't matter what it is exactly, if it makes you happy - stick to it.

**Quistis** · 10-05-2017, 05:55 AM

I haven't been depressed for years but sometimes you just gotta let time do the trick and make sure you don't do anything to harm yourself. I also laser focused on one thing and made it an obsession that it became a huge distraction and I got over my depression eventually.

I focused on playing Guild Wars at the time. I remember memorizing each skill and tactics in PvP so I can avoid thinking about what was making me depressed at the time . I wanted to be in the top PvP tier then got distracted by ingame Role Playing. That rekindled my interest in art again and now I am doing a comic based from the original RP stories I developed with the friends I made there. Yeah, it has come a long way. You'd be surprised at how life works. Also around that time, I met my now husband (not through Guild Wars. I met him at work lol).

All that didn't happen in one fell swoop of course. It was a gradual 1.5 year process but the distraction really helped with the coping and healing. Another thing that can help, although I didn't do it at the time, is working out. It's definitely a good stress reliever.

All in all, this may sound so cliche but just hang in there. You're in the right track about looking for distractions. Time heals, albeit a bit slow at times. *hugs*

**LocoColt04** · 10-25-2017, 03:46 AM

I think getting back into an MMO would be really good for me. I'm just having such a hard time deciding between spending all of my nights with Dawezy in FFXI like the old days, or playing FFXIV again, or getting way too deep into EVE Online again.

Destiny 2 sort of counts, but not really.

**Spooniest** · 10-27-2017, 04:38 PM

I also wanted to add that my personal way of dealing with depression is to use these things:

...To play blistering hot Rock and Roll. This is probably not going to work for anyone else, but I guess you can try it if you have a bunch of money lying around (I did not buy all three of them at the same time, and they were modestly priced for musical equipment, which is to say, pants-shittingly expensive).