Vaan's Diary

[jynxjaguar]

Hello everyone, my first post here and thought I'd start off with an ice breaker.
I've read the Very Secret Diaries for LotR and almost died laughing. I thought I'd try a couple for Vaan. Hope you guys and oh so lovely ladies like it.

VAAN'S DIARY/JOURNAL/LOG
Day 27: Prison bad, but tolerable. Food sucks as have had to kill and skin several small lizards and have no fire to cook them with. Balthier says it's a survival technique I would be wise to develop. Says he and Fran have done it, I should toughen up and do it as well. Thought I saw drop of mustard on Bal's collar though. Hehn, must be me.

Day 30: Discovered cafeteria. Knew Balthier was lying when he said he 'found' that sandwich. Very mad now. Balthier laughing at me. Will slip lizard in his next sandwich.

Day 31: Balthier found lizard. Not laughing now. Said next time I'm not looking, I'm going to have a lizard shoved up my butt. Ha ha.

(later)
Balthier not bluffing. Finally got lizard removed. Butt hurts badly. Am mad at Balthier. Lizard is furious.

Day 36:Have escaped. Found Basch von Something-or-other, the traitor soldier who got my brother killed, and for some reason Balthier and Fran saved him. Am SO not happy right now. Fran says it was her idea. Apparently, she and Balthier shared lizard sandwich and this is her revenge on me. Well, screw her. Her and her nature sense, and her uppity attitude, and her big bunny ears, and her revealing costume highlighting her butt and breasts and her sexy voice and.... must go to bathroom now. Be back five minutes.

Day 42: Still don't like Basch. Bigger than me though, so will comfort self with snide comments and bad wishes on his person. Feel better now. Have found way out of prison only to end up in desert. Balthier upset, doesn't like desert. No women. Told him he would feel better if he would shoot something. He agrees.

Day 43: Bullet wound is healing nicely. Can walk on right leg better. Fran is now saying she's upset. Told her she would feel better if she did naughty things with me.

Day 44: Arrow wound not bad, but in very sensitive place. Am considering looking into joining bad guys. Judge Vaan. Has nice ring to it. Oops, must go, Diary. Basch is looking upset.

[Niall_farley]

Haha quality!

[Layle]

wow can you be any more ridiculous...
its pretty funny!!!!!!!
totally priceless

[jynxjaguar]

VAAN'S DIARY II

Day 84: Finally have everybody together. Although a force of six seems like it would pretty much run over everything it comes in contact with, am assured by Balthier that legally, we are only allowed to go out in groups of three. Not sure what genius came up with law, but am guessing that alcohol was involved.

Day 86: Beginning to realize another law. No woman in group is allowed to wear anything that goes past her hips. This is law I can deal with, and apparently so can Balthier. Bal has superglued his eyes in butt-high position on all girls in group, even Penelo.

Day 87: Found self watching Penelo's butt today. Felt dirty, as she is like sister. Told Bal about it. He said just to pretend I was Caligula. Did not get it, as am lowly street rat with no historical education. Will get history book in next town.

Day 91: Got book. Found Caligula. Balthier is sick man, and am very glad he doesn't have a sister. Just sick. Feel as if must shower for three days.

Day 95: Have recieved cease and desist order WWF. Wondered why wrestlers upset with me at first, then realized it was World Wildlife Fund. Apparently angry that am killing endangered species. Been wondering why I am only hunter in Hunt Club that ever seems to leave clubhouse. Beginning to think that Montblanc is six feet of crap in a two foot body. Never sends out to hunt rare polkadot bunny rabbit, always some creature meaner than three shades of hell. Have put monster in stasis and mailed off to WWF. We'll see how long they want to keep it alive after it wakes up in their headquarters.

Day 98: Have recieved apology letter from WWF. Seemed to be spattered with something red and, in my case, vindicating.

Day 100: Penelo has adopted new walk, apparently learned from Fran. Rather disturbing walk as it does incredibly beautiful things with her butt.

Day 101: Cold tonight. Had to double up in tents. Penelo cuddled up with me. Going to be a long night.

CALIGULA'S DIARY
Day 1: Awake. Refreshed. Feelin' good. Feelin' fine. And so is Penelo. Must find Balthier. Am sure he'll like calling me Caligula better than Vaan. All in all, very good day.

I'm glad you guys liked it, and part 2 here as well.

[Layle]

Nice keep it up I think your on aroll hear!

[Niall_farley]

Indeed the first part was better but second still pretty good

[Layle]

I wonder whos gonna beat up Vaan next?

[Niall_farley]

This is fun for me because I not long started a new game on 12 last time I played was when it was released and I forgot how fun it was! Glad I made myself play it again!

[jynxjaguar]

I'll have to come up with some more entries from the saga of Vaan's Diary... in the meantime, here's a little fun with the crew of the Strahl....

http://thefinalfantasy.net/forums/fi...ml#post1328340