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Thread: Valkyarc's Offensive Guide to Why you suck at Role-Playing

  1. #1
    Synthesized Ascension Valkyarc's Offensive Guide to Why you suck at Role-Playing Zardoch's Avatar
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    Valkyarc's Offensive Guide to Why you suck at Role-Playing

    In this day and age, there are many reasons why many people suck at writing and/or role-playing. This guide hopes to focus on the main reasons that people suck and hopefully allow anyone reading this to unsuck their suckage.

    Reason #1: You like mudkipz!

    By mudkipz I mean the obsessive whoring of anime characters and the overall story of the anime and how terrible these RPs generally are. I can't help but remind people at how much these RPs suck in every sense of the word, particularly the high school ones where they are only ever successful if there's a bunch of hyperactive post-happy teenagers, generally young girls, playing their favorite visual-kei-looking main character. These RPs plague every RP site and rarely ever add anything to the overall community other than pointing out who to avoid when it comes to role-playing.

    Solution to reason #1!
    I'll admit some anime RPs have the potential to become great, but thanks to the un-genuity of the people who make these RPs, it never comes out right. So the easiest solution for you, the RPers, to stop sucking is to stop giving anime RPs a reason to live. Unless there is something incredible creative you can add to that anime universe, it'll just be better to watch that anime with your KY bottle in-hand instead of making me cringe at your interpretation of how the characters should be played.

    Reason #2: RPers just wanna have fun...without any of the work!

    It is a very known fact that most modern RPers absolutely hate anything to do with 'work'. Taking the time to study the English language, improving your writing style, improving your grammar, or even researching the necessary studies to know what the hell you're talking about is the modern RPer's worse nightmare. 90% of the time you can look at any created character from some noobcakes and see the cannon character influences from Cloud, to Sephiroth, or any character from an anime/video game that's so just darn coolz-looking. This includes links to the pictures of said characters because they're too lazy to described the details of their character. Furthermore, this is also why many RPs suck (anime or not) as the same people who create terrible characters lack the intelligence to create a decent storyline that doesn't scream rip-off from some FF game, popular book, or anime.

    Solution to reason #2!
    Turn noobs into slaves. No, really, because no matter how much you bend over, noobs hate working even when they feel the need to better themselves. So throwing them into a lion's cage with a whip in hand works a hell of a lot better than acting like Assy McKissass trying to build their confidence with soft, soothing words. If you can help mold one great RPer out of a case of annoying noobs, you will have gained more for the RP world that has been added over the past few years.

    On a serious note, to the noobs that are reading this, LEARN HOW TO LEARN! Unless you want my metaphysical foot up your metaphysical ass, you'll figure out how to improve yourself without catering to anyone like a snot-nosed, autistic, ADD medicated, lolly-pop-licking little munchkin (refer to the munchkin list in the RPB forum). The key to getting better is watching the best, practicing, and having a healthy motivation to write.

    Reason #3: Activity? We don't need no stinkin' activity!

    Much like the smelly mexicans in the Blazing Saddles movie (and yes they are smelly), people who suck at RPing also suck at staying active. They're just so busy going out and having fun with friends like their social life is the party of a lifetime when in all reality they're in a great deal of denial. Despite the fact that ANYONE can take the time to write ONE post every FEW days, these procrastinating, teabag-loving cry babies think of RPing the same way they think of homework: "Don't worry! I'll do it on the last day before school starts again!" They say, but noOOOoooo, it's something that slips their mind and they go on a apologetic crusade to flee from the guilt and start all over again.

    Solution to reason #3!
    Stop thinking you have a life (seriously, you live half of it on TFF, especially in the wordgames section), and start paying attention to what the community needs. You can hear TFF scream within its binary soul for you to do something with it like a neglected prostitute not wanting to get hit by her pimp again.

    "And so my fellow TFFians: ask not what TFF can do for you - ask what you can do for TFF!"

    It is a simple wish--a wish that everyone with a RPing soul to take a moment to give life to role-playing itself. To write like no man has written before. To interact like interaction has just been given birth to the world of literature. To expand the soul of writing and imagination like an archeologist finding the greatest key to our past.

    Lawlz, j/k. Just post every few days, mmkay? And with some skill plz.

    Reason #4: "My creative imagination is awesome!" The noob says.
    "What imagination?" Valkyarc replies.

    One of the biggest problems with people that suck is having NO imagination nor creativity in creating characters that are useful to any RP or RPB they're created for. From Cloud clones, to Sephiroth clones, to--well--any clone that resembles a pretty-boy (non) badass or some big breasted, independent feminist with a grudge. Like I remember this one girl I regretfully use to talk to who made characters who always had a "I hate my daddy for leaving" complex (which was ironic because it was her mother who drove her daddy off), and so they were filled with similarities to characters like Paine and such. It is facepalming situations like this that deserve to be noted for their stupidity. So many people have this misconception that creating their favorite character from a video game/anime is a GOOD idea.

    Now, let's face it. Many of us have gone through the same thing in our noob days. My first character was based off the appearance from the main character of Chaos Legion (capcom game). In fact, I used his name, except rearranged some letters. But unlike most noobs, I grew out of it.

    Solution to reason #4!
    For any noob reading this and can relate to reason #4, whack yourself in the nuts with a burning curling iron. It will help remind you that when you create your next character, it will be DIFFERENT than what you usually put together. Think outside the sandbox.

    Reason #5: You're a ****ing munchkin.

    What is a munchkin? Well, if you went to the link I gave you above, you will realize that a munchkin is one of the many types of noobs that have a trouble with:

    1. Losing.
    2. Losing.
    3. Getting their ass kicked.

    These noobs try any little thing to gain an upperhand in both RP's and battles so that they'll feel better afterward. From aiming perfectly to knowing things they're character couldn't possibly know, munchkins are an evil race of RPers who need to be weeded out. If you fit any of the munchkins on my list (and by fit, I mean you do one of the many things munchkins do--and like it), you not only suck at RPing, but you're on my to-kill list.

    Solution to reason #5
    Simple. Kill any and all munchkins. If by some means a munchkin wishes to confess their crimes in hope of becoming an actual RPer, they might be saved.

    [P.S. - I may add more reasons later. ]

    +++++

    Thank you for reading this installment of "Why Valkyarc's opinion is more important than yours!" I hope you enjoyed (nt rly) my offensive guide and hope (rly) it helps you noobs in future reference of actually not sucking. I am not to be held responsible for any bodily harm from curling irons and the like. If you wish to PM me in hopes of learning how to further not suck, I'm free any time.

    Insincerely,
    Valkyarc.
    Last edited by Zardoch; 01-16-2009 at 10:14 PM.

  2. #2
    This is my sin... Valkyarc's Offensive Guide to Why you suck at Role-Playing Lucid's Avatar
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    It's about time someone wrote something like this.

    I'm admit that I'm a bit guilty of #3, but that's not nearly as bad as the boring and unoriginal crap that spews out of this place. Doesn't anyone ever come up with any original characters & ideas anymore?

    I'm seriously tired of reading weakass RPs about/with: vampires, unoriginal stories & characters based on anything Japanese(anime, legends, etc), half-human half-vampire half-fox half-cat half-angel half-demon Gaia shit, RPs that don't even have stories, one sentence replies, weak characters, etc, etc...
    Last edited by Lucid; 03-05-2009 at 05:45 PM.

  3. #3
    The joke is far too true Valkyarc's Offensive Guide to Why you suck at Role-Playing loner-kid's Avatar
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    ha, that was great. I've got a few more you might want to add.

    "the main RP'er losing interest/going offline without warning anyone"
    "RP's without posting orders" (that's a personal one cos I like to take my time making a decent post, and then get really pissed off if 7 posts come in before mine making it off point and neccesary to delete it)
    "RP'ers who only half finnish a post"
    Last edited by loner-kid; 04-04-2009 at 06:55 AM.


    Read some of my stuff here
    http://thefinalfantasy.net/forum...-snippets.html

    The Gargoyle
    SPOILER!!:

    The gargoyle sits, solemnly, alone
    That silent man of stone
    Here, for his deeds he must atone

    Beaten eyes stare blankly
    Withered arms curved and wrinkly
    Bat-like wings spread fully

    For once he was a man deceitful
    His soul decored in black so hateful
    From his despair grew pain most vengeful

    With his death he was deserted
    Left condemned and desecrated
    Bound to form most understated

    And now he is but a statue made of stone
    Sitting all alone

    Star Gaze
    SPOILER!!:
    High in the sky, blinking down on us
    We all watch the stars
    Believing, as we do
    That friends and lovers long since moved away are staring upwards too
    Remembering us as we remember them
    Smiling in the light of an unatainable star
    And even if the star was snuffed out at that very moment
    We would never know
    We just keep smiling
    And believe the star is true

    My TFF Family
    (is laughably small because 'loner' turned out to be fairly accurate)
    Unknown-Entity - loner-kid's hilarious 'friend'
    Raider - my ginger brother

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