My English Assignment, just a short story.

[superjj]

Well as the title says, it's just a short story I had to write, and kind of enjoyed writing for English. Uh, I hope you guys like it. Comments would be nice...


My Beautiful Distraction

Just look at her. Damn. Beautiful pale skin, I couldn't spot a flaw, perfect figure, round hips, nice size butt, and perfect bust. I could stare at that figure all day long! Gorgeous eyes, right now, they're blue. Nice, long brown hair and perfect teeth covered by nice plump lips.

Oh God, there she goes again, smiling at her friend that way and biting her lip. Can you look at me that way please? If only she knew that she is the beautiful distraction of my life.

My eyes wonder over her shoulder as it is bared to the classroom while she takes her jumper off, slowly of course, I glance around the room noticing the males of the classroom looking her way also. I can't help but growl to myself, one-thought races around my mind. "Back off, she's mine"

Ah, the bell, that wonderfully annoying ring alerts us, end of class, and I can finally talk to my beauty.

I touch her shoulder and she smiles up at me.

"Hey, you alright Issabel?" She smiles again.

"I'm fine, any reason why you were late for school eh?" I felt like telling Issy that it was her fault that I was late to school. Y'know how it is right? Dreams can go a little overboard sometimes.

"Well, we are roomies y'know, you could have woken me up" she just rolls those blue eyes of hers.

"Yeah right, I'm not your babysitter, sheesh!"

"Hey Issy!" great, what does that skank want? I frown watching my Issy run over to her blonde haired bimbo of a friend and the giggle together for a bit.

"I'll catch ya later okay Is!" I shout out to her, and she waves her hand in acknowledgement.


Ah, my favorite hobby (besides perving on Issabel), violent videogames and beer. I throw the empty bottle into the bin and the front door bursts open.

"Its 6"

"Bullshit, its 5:30" I roll my eyes and throw a beer at Issy, she throws it back though.

"Nah, I'm going for a shower" I choke on my beer.

"No you're not! I was just going for one!" I button mash as a great ugly thing jumps onto the screen.

"Yeah, I can see that" I select pause and look up at her, and she smirks. And then I'm jumping off of the couch and running towards the bathroom room, but she gets in first.

She blows a raspberry and closes the door.

"Fine, no beer for you!"


I slice the throat of some mutated thing, blood spraying my character, I laugh at the beast as it chokes and dies, before glancing at the clock. I sigh, saving my progress and switching the console off. I walk to the bathroom door.

"Oi Is! You've been in there for an hour! What are you doing? Trying to drown yourself?" I bang on the door and it clicks open. "I'm coming in!" I can feel my heart pounding when I push it wide, the steam rolling out.

"What are you doing boofhead?" Issabel asks stepping out of the shower. Oh my God. I think I just ruined my undies. My eyes scan her naked body, covered in water, I just can't help it! I swallow hard as my eyes slowly digest the eye candy, tell you what this girl doesn't need a push-up bra. The water dripping so slowly down her body like they want to cling to her forever, knowing that the creature they're sliding down is beautiful. The droplets dip into her jeweled naval and sit there. I breathe out a shaky sigh, shivers running through me, and those gorgeous eyes seem to be laughing at me. Those plump lips curve into a smirk.

She turns those round hips away and pulls a towel off the rack, but instead of wrapping her body, she wraps it around her head, pulling her hair out of her eyes, which are very green right now.

"Like what you see?" She asks teasingly, arms above her head and sticking her hip out. I swallow again and she laughs, placing her hands behind my head and leans against me.

"Uh" I groan slightly a blush running down my neck. And she smirks again.

"Love the expression Nate" she pushes her body closer to mine, her boobs on top of mine, and her arms wrapped around the back of my neck. And she leans in kissing me deeply. I can't help but moan. Please God, don't let me wake up! Issy pulls away and starts to exit the bathroom, and she turns suddenly as if she forgot something and she smirks, biting her lip in that special way.

"I'll meet you in the bedroom Natalie" She stalks away and I pinch myself.
I am one lucky girl.


Uh... What do you think eh? ^_^

Love JakJak. ^_^

[RagnaToad]

As a Literature student I might say it was very well written. Great change of vocabulary (e.g. dripping water, then droplets) and the grammar really fits the situations being described.

It's quite confusing sometimes though, due to it not being clear who is actually talking, but I quickly figured out that the person who is being described to do something after a line, is not the one talking.

As for entertainment, it's really good. Two girls in one bathroom, you can't go wrong.
This story (though containing some structural, yet not mentionable flaws) to me has more tension than any erotic movie I've seen so far. You play the girl-girl-card really well and make sure the situation is not one that is typical of gay love, but one that keeps intriguing the reader, even if it's just for a single page of text.

I love how you mention the physical aspects of the admired girl right at the beginning, making it seem like a guy is talking (as opposed to the ending, where it is clear through the descriptions that it was a girl) and how you don't make use of any sexual word until right at then end, where you mention the breasts making contact. The tension reaches its peak and the reader is both filled with excitement for what's going to happen as he/she is happy for the main character to be so lucky.

The beautiful girl really sounds like a beautiful girl to any reader.

Kudos to you!

[Fang]

amazingly written! very skill full writing and also I just love this plot, it's very entertaining, very captivating..thank you so much for sharing.

[ChloChloAriadne]

You always write well, Jak.

Also, the description in the first paragraph fits you perfectly =P. Except, y'know. No blue eyes.

[Dragon_Jiriki]

Very nice, Jackie

[Sean]

Hahaha holy shit.


Okay, sooo, the eroticism aside, the writing was well done, the grammar was correct, but some of the descriptions seemed overboard, and overdone to me. It didn't draw a great picture for me. The lack of repeating words was well done, however.

Aside from that, it's much better than I could write (and my writing style over does descriptions as well, because I suck at painting pictures) and all in all I enjoyed it.

It was hot. ^_^;;

[superjj]

Ah!! People replied!!! Sorry I've been fairly busy. >_>
Thank-you for your comments!!
Okay so replying in order:
Double U
Sorry that you found it confusing. >_> I have a habit of losing the "flow" in stories, even though I sat down and did this one in one session as a draft, my teacher gave it back to me saying that she didn't "get it". XD So I had to re-write the whole thing. >_>
I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I know there's a few errors and I apologise. >_> I have to admit that the first draft for this wasn't as sexual... I found it more fun this way though (And my teacher was sick of the gory stories I was giving her and demanded a "love" story).
Ah, the description sort of started with me admiring one of my school friends (I adore her, I changed a few details though, because she read it and got embarressed), and just went on from there. XD Thank-you again for your comment!
brnthsdiscout
Thank-you for your comment! I'm glad you enhoyed it!
Anachlirium
XDD Thank-you sweetie, but I imagine that this girl is taller than me and less pudge. ^_^
Dragon_Jiriki
*bows* thank-you!
Sean
Sorry that I didn't paint such a great picture for you. >_> The descriptions I originally used were too "sexual" for a school project, so I was asked to change it. >_>
*blushes* I see... Two of my friend's have requested that I create a very "nice" second chapter for them, because they found it hot also. XD
Thank-you for your comment!

Wow I didn't expect any comments. XD *feels special*
*bows* THANK-YOU ALL!!!

[Vesphiel]

Superb.