A Collective.....

[little.miss.VIOLENT]

Okay, so I spend a lot of my spare time writing poems. Seeing as i'm not getting too many responses in the poetry forum I post in, I thought I'd post them here and see if I can get a response out of you guys. Tell me what you think.
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IN THE CLEARING.....
In the middle of the forest
Is a dark clearing where she sits
The leaves around her drenched in blood
From where she slit her wrists
You return a few weeks later
To find that this is where she lies
She seems so peaceful, yet you see
The pain she hides inside
She awakes, you disappear
Out of sight, though remaining near
Her dark angel in disguise
Watching as she tells her lies
She says she's fine, in fact, she's great!
You tell her family, "Just wait."
Two days later, you were right
She couldn't make it through the night
Now in the middle of the forest
In the dark clearing where she sat
Stands a single gravestone
Marked only with a bat
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GREEK GOD OF MINE
Hair as dark as the midnight sky
And a smile for which Narcissus would die
Eyes the color of Zeus's crown
And the power to remove anyone's frown
Beauty greater than the Greek gods'
And yet you go against the odds
By being kind instead of vain
With a heart softer than a lion's mane
With gentle words and gentle actions
Pure attraction was my reaction
To find someone so simple and kind
I swear to make this Greek god mine
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DON'T THINK
I don't think I could ever tell you
Just how much I love you
I don't think I could ever cope
With your reaction if I tried
I don't think you will ever know
How long I've kept this secret
I don't think you will ever feel
The way I do inside
I don't think I could ever stop
Loving you the way I do
I don't think I could ever live
With what might happen if I tried
I don't think you will ever understand
How hard it is to say this
I don't think you will ever realize
My heartache when we say goodbye
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BURN NOTICE
With a heart that's been broken
So Many times
You think that you'd be able
To see through all the lies
The things that people say and do
just to make you fall
Then pretty soon you realize
It's not worth it all at all
Yet after all is said and done
And you can finally be free
You hit "ERASE" and then "REWIND"
And do it all another time
You'd think that you would realize
You'd think that you would learn
But you keep stoking the fire
And all you get is burned
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A SINGLE TEAR
We've known each other for a year
And with each day that passes
I shed a single tear
A tear for all I've wanted
For all that could have been
A tear because I love you
When I thought I'd never love again
But I let it go too far
And now we're nothing more than friends
I wish we could start over
So that I could make amends
For all I've said, for all I've done
For everything I thought was wrong
I realize now that all of it was true
And that what I've been trying to say
Is I think that I'm in love with you
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DREAM COME TRUE
Should I smile because we're friends
Or cry because we're nothing more
For almost every night I dream
You'll show up right outside my door
Saying that you love me, that you really want to try
But in the morning I wake up
And realize it was all a lie
Why can't, for once, my dreams come true
If not for me, then just for you
So that I can see you smile again
And be happy that we're more than friends
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So, yeah, that's it at the moment. Please let me know what you think of them!

[Chez Daja]

I don't like the angsty teenage vibe I get from it. I roll my eyes at teenagers who write "suicide" and "love" works because they're often built on inexperience.
Not to say you couldn't write better work, I'm pretty sure you could. And I'm sure they'd be very enjoyable to other teenagers, or emo/goths and that kind of crowd, but it's not my cup of tea. Still, I'm sure construction of sentences will probably prove to be a strong point at a later date. I just think skill in poetry should be built on things other than the cliches of suicide and love. I made up a comment about four years ago, called the "I cut myself with a butter knife movement"... I've applied it to a lot of members' work on here, and this definately goes in that category (whether you actually do so isn't my business, and shouldn't insult you, but if it does -- apologies). I apply it to work written when teenagers are in the "angst" mode.
Work on your choice of words. Your construction needs a little work, but I can see that might improve quicker than anything. Still, post more in the future and I can attempt a hand at giving a more constructive view.