ok... you can re-write it...
Quite the contrary. It's not that I didn't like it. It's that I expected something better, and the end result was a bit disappointing. Also, I was a bit harsh because I thought that, not only my advice, but the advice of everyone would help you work with a better story. My offer to rewrite was mostly so you could see the difference from the perspective you need it to see. Notice what quite probably everyone is telling you to improve.
well, sorry you didnt like mystory -_-' if you didnt like it then why did you read it -_-'?
