The struggle over the tyranny of my world

Im running out of things to amuse myself with now. It was slowly coming, but eh. With no money, i cant really afford to buy anything, and that will last till by debt runs out. which it will, but.. eh. Oh, and my internet usage has become restricted, because my dad refuses to give me the password so that i can check our usage as we go. Basically means that i have no idea how much of our downloads im using so i cant accurately use the internet without either doing nothing, or getting screamed at. Now im bored. My friends seem to be always buisy, or are just uncontactable. But why should i have to rely on others for my own amusement?

Speaking of uncontactable.. She still hasnt made any more contact with me. Makes me wonder what's keeping her. Its only been a week though, really. Its not like anythings going to change in my life any time soon.

Oh, to add to the things going wrong, my parents have started fighting again, like usual, and im the one who's always been getting blamed for it. I try my best to stay away from them and not get in their way, and work for my own money, and im still yelled at :/

For one who rarely gets stressed out, i really need a break from all this. Ive worked out its probably a combination of stress and anxiety thats keeping me so... like this all the time. Going to try and find something to do for the next few days. 'try' and probably not succeed, since ive thrown the 'i need a friend right now' card already.

Ive considered talking to a friend about everything, but i really dont want anyone to know my true feelings. I dont trust anyone with that kind of stuff. Hell, i havent even told anyone anything about this fangirl talking to me again. I mentioned it to demons once, but apart from that very little. As for why, i guess i just... I dont know. Im shying away from everyone. Well, not everyone, but almost. Its like.. i want nothing more than to be with someone right now, but theres noone i can really ask to see at the moment that i want to see, that id rather be alone.

Eh, ill just hermit a bit longer and wait for her to talk to me. Either the phase will end, or ill see her, which should give me some relief. She probably understands me more than anyone else. Or at least, she has the potential to, since its been so long. Whatever. Urgh. I cant even describe what this feels like...

Might go back to pokemon for a few hours.

EDIT: Lookie what i found.