The struggle over the tyranny of my world

The last few days have been rather dull. Although i dont really want to see most of the friends i have, im still lonely. And i really cant stand living here either. Pretty silly mindset ive got myself, i guess.

Im almost ready in terms of money to start working on paying off the debts ive gotten myself. It seems like i have 3 shifts in the next 2 weeks, which should give me $200ish off the first load, as well as buying a new set of tires for myself, which my car still needs pretty badly. It also needs a CV joint, but that can wait, i guess. The second it fails im in shit, but if i have money ready to go into debt, i can always use that to instantly buy a new one. I can justify that simply because id need the CV to continue paying it off. At this rate, im getting about $250 a week, so, in theory i should be debt free in about 2 and a half months? Seems like a good new years present to me. But thats not likely to happen. I can see myself paying off the more important load first, which is about $700-800. I should also have anouther $300 coming from my bond and stuff from my ex housemates, if they actually give it back. Im still waiting on a gas bill to sort things out. It probably should have arrived by now, but if it hasnt by mid-week, i guess ill call them. $300ish coming back would be a bit of a relief.

Im making myself go out to parkour this weekend. I really need to continue getting fit. If im working, ill exercise/strength conditioning once a week, if everything goes well. That and parkour should keep me in shape. I dont REALLY need it, but its one of the things that kept me sane. And hey, if im in shape i might be a little more attractive. I could use all the help i can, right? I still want my rather lean appearence though. I guess im not really one of those people that think im unattractive, though i dont really think that highly of myself either. Im pretty content.

Still in the whole pokemon rage that happens. Itll last a rather long time i think, simply because of all the online stuff now. If i can get a team together i can start playing ranked battles online. Yes, i will be the best. However, id like to start breeding for shinies first

I miss her so much. I always have, but.. I wish i could contact her somehow. Last night, with one of my friends, i went through pretty much everything. I cant go see her in person, because i dont know where she lives. I could go to stalking her family back there, but i dont think thatll be seen too kindly on, plus, i dont even know what most of them look like, besides her mum. But i dont have any chance of finding her anyways. No contact via phone or internet, until she gets one or the other and sends a message of some sorts, and the only thing i know she does is her dog group on sundays, but i dont really know anything about that either. -sighs- i dont know what to do other than just wait. Its almost been 2 weeks now. I guess if it goes over a month itll beat how long i waited the first time. Eh. As annoying as it is, im patient. Kind of. But whatever happens im not going anywhere anyways, its just my anxiety thats going through the roof.

I wonder how she is... I think about it constantly. I hope she's alright, like she sounded.