Excuse me.

Hey! I'm still alive.

Which, really, is a huge privilege. I have come out of feeling bad for myself, and have been more positive lately. Or at least, the times when I do feel sad are more spread out.

I played a show this Friday night, and it went really well. My voice carried, and I had plenty of energy. Sometimes when I'm up there by myself, it's easy to get worn out. But I wasn't alone this time! My father played guitar with me and my mother played bass. They really came through, nevermind that we hadn't rehearsed. We sounded so good.

On Saturday, I went to the farmer's market with Caleb and bought a watermelon, peaches, blueberries, patty pan squash, grape tomatoes, carbon heirloom tomatoes, pecans, and a mint tea and cherry hand pie for a treat. Caleb bought a jar of homemade dill pickles and a raw-food key lime pie that we shared. We shared the tea too. It was a really nice morning. Normally, I'll walk to that market with Gatsby early in the morning. The entire trip there and back is about 3.7 miles, and it's good exercise for the pup. But I was weirdly hungover from the ONE shot of whiskey I sipped on the night before (it was cold on stage and I couldn't stop shivering, which hurts my playing and singing, so I sipped on Jameson to warm up... it worked) and Caleb and I both slept in. It was really hot by the time we were ready to go (9:45AM and already 90F degrees out), though, and Caleb had a race that evening so he wasn't too keen on walking 4 miles. So we drove. But it worked out, because I never would have bought all that if I'd had to walk. And this watermelon is delicious!

That evening, I drove Caleb an hour out of town for his race. His first 25k (15.5 miles). It started at 8PM, which meant I got to hang out in a camp chair while it got dark. I watched cartoons on my phone while I waited haha. And 3 hours and 3 minutes later, Caleb emerged from the woods and finished the race. I am very proud of him. I do wish that he had trained for this, because his knees are killing him today. He runs often, and he's good at it, but he usually does 3-5 mile runs. Nothing like 15.5 miles. That's a very Caleb thing to do, though. For now, he gets away with it.


Also! I got my test results back from my AFAA certification. I passed! I was pretty sure I would, but it still felt really good to get that certificate in the mail. I'm happy! I did it. But now the real work begins, and I've got to start putting classes together.

In addition to that, it looks like the house Caleb and I have been trying to get is finally going to be ours. We should close in August and then, like my new career, the work begins. We'll need to fence in the yard, paint the walls, get a fridge, furnish it... And then plan a wedding lmao. But we have a lot of help, and our families are being supportive. Even his religious family, and I suppose it helps that we're engaged (though I'm sure they'd prefer we were married already).

Today, I got to see some of my dearest friends, and ate a huge veggie burger with pecorino cheese, fig jam, arugula, and truffle oil. And a Tom Collins with fresh lemon juice and egg white foam. Ahhh so good. I love celebrating.

VAGINASATION DOWN BELOW, SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE.... THAT
As for my cervix, some of you read in my comments that one of the biopsies came back with severe dysplasia. My surgery consultation was this Thursday, and we discussed those results. There was no dysplasia in the cervical canal biopsy (ow), which means that it's pretty superficial at this point, and she'll only have to make a shallow cut on the outside to remove the abnormal tissue. After that, I can't have ANYTHING up in there for 3 weeks. No sex, nothing for menstruation, no swimming, no baths, NUTHIN. And there will be some bleeding and cramping and general soreness. And I can't work out for a while, which is terrible. I'm taking off work for a couple of days. Might as well. Hopefully this will be the end of it. My surgery is on August 5th.

Meanwhile, my best friend Katy is having a similar thing happen to her with her skin. She had a mole removed that was cancerous, so they removed more tissue around it.... and that came back abnormal too. So they're running more tests before they make their next move. I don't want anything to happen to her. We've been keeping each other updated. I remember telling her to get that mole checked out about a month before she made the appointment. I'm glad she did. My father had skin cancer 30 years ago. They told him he had at most 5 years to live. It could come back any time. But because they caught it early, he has lived to be 65. So. I am confident in Katy and in her doctors.

Oof, this is long and just a bunch of personal stuff. I do plan to get back to posting things that are useful eventually. It just feels good to type all of this out and maybe have someone read it. It can be difficult to ask someone to listen to me talk about it all. I have a lot happening to me right now.

I think tonight will be an early night so that I can have an early morning. I want to light a candle and drink tea while the sun comes up. Wish me luck!