Small Girl, Big Life

My roommate/ our best friend died on Friday.

I'm the one who found him and I'm beyond heartbroken and traumatized.

I don't understand. I should've checked on that stupid son of a bitch sooner. Maybe I could've saved him.

I don't think I'll ever be able to live with myself or shake off the guilt. I can't eat, I've hardly slept, I can't stop crying and it's getting worse since the shock's worn off.

He drove me up the Goddamn wall with his bitching over dumb shit and minor stupidity, but I loved him all the same. He was basically my fiance's brother, so he was mine too.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I just don't know how I'm supposed to handle this. And now I have so many more things I have to think and worry about and I'm just not prepared for any of it. I can't handle this.