Small Girl, Big Life

It's happening again.

People throwing the L word around like it ain't no thang. Mr. Military that I've kinda been talking to finally texted me last night. He had to go be in the field or something for a month. And he was like "I missed you! I love you!" and I'm like "uhhhhhh......"

'Cuz seriously, I've heard that shit way too many times. It's started to lose meaning. Except when it comes to my kiddo.

And I'm tired of having these BFFs that're eventually like "No. I -really- do love you. I have for awhile now." just for it all to go to shit not long after.

My best friend Matt? I've known him for 7 yrs.. A couple of yrs ago @ Xmas (last Giftmas maybe?), we were video chatting and we wuz both drunk as fizuck and he told me all that. The timing was horrible. I was still with Francisco and all in the thought process of being engaged and hopefully getting married... even though I'd always kinda had a big crush on Matt (we lost touch for a good year or so 'fore he fount me again).

We finally went to sleep at like 7 a.m... I texted him later on and asked him if he meant any of it. His response: "I don't say things I don't mean". .

We stopped talking again for awhile. He got irritated with me "always being negative" and told me not to bug him anymore if I don't have anything good to say.

So I did. I left him alone. Even though it kinda really sucked. I guess 'cuz I really missed him the whole time we didn't talk that first time. Have had him friended on my super secret Facebook account for awhile. Finally got the nerve up to shoot him a message.

We're talking now. But it's back to that awkward "Sooooo how ya been?"-shootin-the-shit kinda conversation that happens when you go so long without talking to someone you once cared greatly about.

.... I'll edit and finish this post lata.