Small Girl, Big Life

... Neither are M&Ms.

Soooo after my mumzy and I argued heavily yesterday (and arguing with my best friend to boot - she finally apologized this morning via text), and she basically told me she wanted me gone, I talked to My Friend B - who lives in TN - about an hr from my 'hood - and is in the Army. And is a tattoo artist. And likes Final Fantasy. XD

He like.. Wants me to move in with him. I've only known him for like 1.5 months or so.

I also met him online via POF. I'm also extremely weary of meeting people online. I always have been. 4 / 5 times they end up being weirdos.

On the other hand, it's either that or live in a motel. And potentially get sucked into smoking crack or something. haha. jk.

BUT, since he's Military, he's all like buff & shit. And me? Well.. I'm not. I'm not like obese by any means. And I actually look smaller than what I weigh. But I'm not skinny. I'm nowhere close to my normal weight (130 - 135, though I -used- to be 115. After I had my baby.). So it makes me nervous. I mean like.. I told homeboy I've gotten chunky since I moved to TX, and he's like "It's ok. You can do Insanity with me." but I'm still extremely insecure about it. Esp 'cuz a lot of my weight gain is Francisco's fault - stress and waiting to eat dinner late with him after he got off of work. And then when I lost my job and moved in with him, he always made fun of me being chubby. I went from 115 (which he told me I was too small) to like 140 in a year or so. Which isn't -awful-, but he still made jokes constantly.

My ex in Phoenix did the same thing. He told me I was too big, so I lost a bunch of weight (mostly from tweaking). He'd tell me I was too skinny and looked sick / socked up, I'd make an effort to eat a little bit more. Gain 5 lbs and I was back to being "fat".

SO, all that ties into my nervousness when it comes to meeting someone new. Just getting out of a 4.5 yr effed up relationship (that I didn't really want to get out of anyway), gaining weight, etc.

SO. I'm just gonna tweak out for a month and lose the weight quickly -that- way.

JK.

I really don't eat bad at all. That's the thing. I don't eat junk food except for the handful of chips I just consumed and a few m&ms out of the bag my mom bought me. I eat a lot of spinach salads, egg white omelets for brkfast with a teeny bit of goat cheese, and grilled things and steamed veggies. And mostly unsweet tea / water w/lemon.

I guess it's the beer that's killing it. lmao.. Yep. Figgered it out.

And I'm rambling.

... STOP!

On the other hand, check out Beat Thang.

My close friend Matt wrote the software. His friend built the hardware. It's backed by Dallas Austin. It's all doing surprisingly well.

I should've jumped on that train when I had the chance lmao.. We're now back to that awkward "Soooooo how ya been? How're the kids?" type conversations. It sucks. I really missed him. I'm starting to think it's one of those things that should just be left alone and turn into one of those "good memories" or something. He doesn't really -seem- to want to talk to me anyway. I guess if he did, he could've shot me a msg on Facebook or something. Oh well.