Small Girl, Big Life

\\\\whGod... All of this talk of The Future - buying a house, where we'll live, what we'll do, pets, etc....

It's.. weird. I mean.. It's like .. Not been that long, which makes it even more awkward, but at the same time I'm like "Yay. Life got figured out -that- quick.. Finally."

I mean.. I'm almost 30 (oh god no). But I don't feel 30. The entire time I was with Francisco, I felt like I was just playing house or something.. I dunno. I guess I just don't have a firm grip on Reality anymore. No matter how much I like to cook and always say shit like "I'm a Modern-Day Stepford Wife.." or "I'm a gangster-ized Martha Stewart" ('cuz I listen to shiz like Brotha Lynch, SPM, Mr. Capone-E, etc and I really do prefer skirts, dresses, and heels to jeans when it's warm), I just don't see myself as ever being one of those suburban housewives. I'll probably always rock a mini-skirt in the Summer (at least for the next 10 years anyway), have "crazy" drunk nights at home, occasionally smoke pot, whatever.. And I absolutely refuse to ever own a freaking mini-van.

Besides that., he makes all of this way too easy. He's already changed his whole Life After The Army plan just 'cuz I said I won't move to NYC, but he's more than welcome to and have fun! He's not only decided to -stay- in TN, he's also gone from wanting to do forensics to nursing 'cuz he can get the LPN program knocked out in a yr and the RN program in 2 (he's a combat medic. yay). Like.. Nothing's a challenge. I could probably get away with murder and it'd all be gravy.

I've never been with anyone that's so like "I'll do whatever I can to make you happy" (which is what he said, which was also not a good thing to openly admit).. That pretty much gave me license to see how far I can push that limit. Not that I would.. I don't think?

I guess it's time to put my Big Girl Pants on, either way. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not 18/19/20 anymore.

He's a great guy, so far, so .. yeah. Yay me.

On another note, don't ask for my advice or input if you were expecting me to sugar coat shiz and be nice.

I bit my tongue constantly when this chick would cry for hours over to of her exes and over analyzing everything and how she never does what's best for her 'cuz she worries how it'll affect other people and whether or not it'll hurt them.

I told her 1.) Exes are the past. That's where they should stay. No "I'm here for you if you ever need me" bullshiz. That's just begging to get hurt again.

2.) If you don't do what's best for you, no one else will feel the need to help you or be there in the way you're wanting them to be. Stop "trusting" people and being BFFs and whatever.

She got pissed off at me and was like "So I'm just supposed to be a cold-hearted bitch? ..... Kinda like you?" and I'm like "Uh yeah. I'd rather be a cold-hearted bitch than get screwed over constantly"

And the conversation went on like that and she went on about how she's so guarded all the time (blah. Lie. She's not. Not like she thinks anyway) and she thinks I am too (which I am, 'cuz I don't talk about my issues like that and I generally don't talk much when this girl is around.. And there's not a single person who really knows -everything- about me)..

I finally told her that since she's so unwilling to listen to my advice, she must enjoy being depressed and getting hurt and crying and all that sad bs.

Shut her up for a good ... While.

Don't ask me for advice. That's my advice. lolz.