Small Girl, Big Life

We hung out for a little while. He got off of work early and brought the rest of my stuff.

It was... Stressful. We got along ok. I showed him the videos I have of Parker on Youtube and stuff. And then of course the talk went 'round like it always does back to The Breakup.

And I couldn't help crying. He apologized and said he was confused and didn't know what he wanted and that money was too tight and it was stressing him out.

I was just like "Really? 'Cuz you said you hated me and never wanted to see me again."
And he apologized again. And I told him about how I cried myself to sleep nearly every night 'cuz of all of that and the stress of having to help take care of my parents and deal with my dad being a **** to me constantly and living in Bum Fukk, Texas with a bunch of crackheads & inbreeds.

And then he said he didn't know why he let me go, or why he lied about having a girlfriend. He said "You know how I am" and I was like "Homegirl don't do games or quizzes or tests. You know better than to pull that shit with me. I don't do head shit like this."

.... And that he missed me. And then I -really- freaked out. Aside from when he tried to kiss me.

And then I told him he needed to leave cuz this I couldn't deal with his fukked off shit anymore and I have enough to worry about with Jay being gone in the field with Live Ammo - esp. after his episode over the weekend.

Which btw, he was already getting sick (upper respiratory infection, he thinks) and he texted me and told me his chest felt too heavy and he couldn't stop hacking. And that the guys were giving him shit about it, calling him weak and stuff.

He's a medic so it's not like he's going to be in any real danger (maybe. hopefully.) But, I made him "Pinky Square" (as my daughter & I cal it) that he'd tell someone what happened so that they'd know to watch out for him if something else happens.

But yeah. IDK anymore. It's stressful.

And to top it off like, I texted my older sister to tell her thanks & let her know what happened after she sent me a video of P's stupid ass Pre-K Prom, & I got -zero- response.

Then I called my mom later on Sunday night, but either she hung up on me or lost signal, IDK, but she didn't answer the phone after that. I tried calling her again yesterday, no answer. Again.

I'm sick of my family. I'm tired of being the one that's always there, but it's never reciprocated. Instead of hugs & "It'll be ok" talks when Francisco & I broke up, I got "I see why he left your ass" (my dad) & "I don't know what to tell you" (My mom). And the ever classic, "He just didn't have any goals!" (My *amazingly perfect* Sister - circa the 1st time He broke up with me in 2009.).

My Sister & I used to be best friends. We used to be super close, but she's turned into this bitchy, selfish, egocentric person with that "I'm Better Than You" attitude. And it makes me want to punch her in the face.

When my dad asked her if my mom could live with her when he dies, she was like "Oh yeah! Of course! I'll take care of mom!" , but then when he asked if they -both- could move in someday, she said "Oh no. I'll have to talk to Jennifer about it" (her gf of like 10 yrs). Complete and total bullshit.

And everyone wonders why I'm so fukked off in the head.

Anyway. I'm over it now. Off to go do... something. IDK. Freya (this girl I kinda know through Jay) suggested I go get a mani/pedi to take my mind off of things yesterday. I look weird with nails though, and it's expensive to keep up with. Hurdy hurdy hurdy.