Small Girl, Big Life

I can't deal with this bs.

Dude is in the Army , right. And he hates it.

Ok fine, you hate it, but it's still you're f***ing -job-. You still have to do it and you're stuck anyway, so you might as well freaking do the ish -right-.

Does he? Nope. He uses every excuse he can to get out of working - extends doctor's appointments, makes -up- doctor's appts. He even used my appt for my abortion as an excuse to get out of work and I didn't even -want- him there. He told his superiors that I was having goddamn -surgery-.

So he comes home for "break" and jumps on the laptop to play Ragnarok - the only thing he cares about doing when he's home. Well long story short, his superior calls, yelling at him for leaving base when he wasn't supposed to & some other trout and his response is: "Oh, I'm getting something to eat". Superior hangs up on him and he just goes right back to playing his stupid game.

And dead serious, I asked him if this is how he's gonna be when he gets out and he's like "No." and I'm like "Wellll you already -are-, so who's to say that it's gonna be different once you get out?" and then I said "I guess I was just raised differently, but this behavior and this attitude/blatant disrespect towards your job & what you do would really infuriate my father and make him sick to his stomach. You're supposed to be a man, so grow the eff up and be one already."

I mean, I already told him he should just re-enlist and stay in because at least it's job security and a guaranteed paycheck & health benefits and he can easily be retired by 35. Does he listen? Nope. He wants to blow his effing GI Bill on freaking -Aviation Mechanics- - another job field where jobs are scarce & limited. And my ass ain't moving all over just so he can go work wherever.. -IF- he manages to land a job actually doing that. Which he won't. He'll be like all the other 918273981273 people with a college degree & can't find a job.

It's his life, but if he expects me to stay in it, something's gotta change. I can't stand this whole slacker laziness BS. I'm surprised he can even wipe his own goddamn ass on his own. I know I'm jobless right now, but I bust my freaking ass cleaning up after -him- and cooking for -him-. He tries to give me a budget on groceries, and I stick to it, but he eats so freaking much -I- wind up having to go a couple of days without food until pay day just so he can eat 'cuz otherwise he'll whine and complain. Like today and last night - all we had left was like 1/2 dozen eggs and chorizo and some tortillas. So I cooked it all up with what little rice we had left and told him he better make it last until Friday 'cuz that's pretty much all we got.

I know I complain a lot about him as it is, but this is getting absolutely ridiculous. I'm seriously about to pop one of his Seroquel and check out for about a month. This ish is getting way too stressful, -way- too quickly. I don't sleep well anymore at all. I'm up all night, worrying about oh, idk, everything, and when I do manage to make myself go to sleep, it's hard 'cuz my back hurts so bad all the time so I can never get comfortable enough to sleep well.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave 'cuz I have nowhere to go & I kinda owe it to him to be a decent girlfriend & I don't wanna put my kid through another break up (she's already asked me several times if she can see my ex & his son sometimes 'cuz she misses them), but if something doesn't change quickly, I sure as hell can't stay, either. This suuuuucks.

Like, literally, my brain is about to explode. I haven't slept since like yesterday morning. I tried to go to sleep, but then he walked in and started tap tap tapping & clickety clacking at the mouse and keyboard playing this stupid fukking Ragnarok game, so I -couldn't-. I'm about to delete the shit. That's how annoying it is.

Yayyyy go me. I'm so baller at getting myself into bullshit like this it's almost funny.

.... On the other hand... I have his debit card. And there's $4 left on it. I could go get beer. And chillax. And then go to sleep. o.o; ....... hmmmm.......