Small Girl, Big Life

I should be happy. Right? I guess I am. We'll go with that.

I've finally found someone who actually -really- wants me around and doesn't mind helping me when I need it. And if I say, "Hey .. That's a really cute dress!", he insists on buying it for me - even if I tell him not to. His family - his -immediate- family - knows I exist, where you kept me hidden for so long, in spite of my allowing you to get close to mine - especially my parents and my little girl. His family is excited. They're already wanting much more for us than what we're (I'm) ready to take on right now. With you, I never even got a ring, just a bunch of empty promises and meaningless arguments. And all I'm left with are a couple of scars and a busted t.v. .... And your scarf that I don't think I'll give back anytime soon.

I have someone who can't wait to get home just 'cuz I'm here. Instead of going out 'till 3 a.m., he'd -rather- be home with me - playing drunk Scrabble or Yahtzee. Or something.

.... But none that matters so much. He's still not You. And he never will be. And it breaks my heart more that I feel that way. Or maybe I'm just feeling this way because I'm so scared to see you tomorrow.. I don't know how I'm going to react. Will I freak out again like I do everytime we talk on the phone? Have another meltdown and cry for hours? I was just starting to get over that...

"Exes are the past, and that's where they need to stay.. In the past."

If nothing else, I've always followed that one rule, but for you, I'd be willing to break it. I don't wish I could go back and change anything. I just wish that we could figure it out and go from there. We got so lost along the way, but I know we could find our way back.. If only you'd let me back in. You pushed me away. There were many times that I stuck by you, when I should have left. But still, I stayed. Because I knew deep down that it wasn't really us. I knew we were better than that.

But, I know that door is closed. And probably locked tight - with no key to be found anywhere.

Besides, I found someone new. You might have ruined me in some ways, but I won't hurt him the way you hurt me. I may not have deserved better, but he does. I refuse to be that kind of person. He's not You, but he'll do.

"But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind"