Small Girl, Big Life

Ok, I'm horrible.

Yes. I am. I often joke that some people are going to hell, but I'm the Gate Keeper.

I may seem all sweet and nice and "I <3 rainbows & unicorns & marshmallows!!!! OMG!" - and for the most part I can be... And online - on forums to be specific, I always am. 'Cuz Internet Fighting is st00pid. It makes me giggle when guys send me questions on this networking site asking me to Rate, Smash/Pass, Inbox, Kik, whatever. My response is either "Zero, Pass" and most often, my personal favorite, "No hablo ingleis". (In respons to Kik, ("Wanna Kik?") "Kik what? Rocks? You sure can buddy!"). They get so mad and proceed to attempt to insult me (Ugly Bitch! and the likes of that, I'm not conceited at all, but I'm far from ugly). It's amusing, really.

Anywho, I was just reading the Journals in the recycle bin and one particular set of entries made me want to stab someone - either myself or whoever's closest to me - with a fork. In the eyeball. Who types like that? Honestly? Well. Yeah. I know. Millions of people do, but bad spelling and grammar annoy me. Sure I do it, but at least I -know- I'm doing it. I do it on purpose when I do. I type in Ghetto all the time, actually, when texting friends. Otherwise, I like for people to know I'm somewhat smart.

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On to other more randomness. So lyke I -totes- met this guy and lyke he's sooo cute and he lyke -really- wants me to move in with him and we -haven't- even met yet! ZOMGZ!

(See what I mean? Super annoying)

But for real. I did meet someone. Online. I despise online dating with a passion, but out of boredom, I decided to give it a whirl. I just got out of a 4.5 year relationship in which the Parental Unit (mine) were expecting a wedding in Mexico this Summer or something. It's been tough - especially considering he's got the majority of my stuff back in Nashville and I've been with him since my daughter was 7 or 8 months old - she was extremely attached to him. She still asks me every now and then "Hey! Mom! Where's Ido?".. She doesn't get upset. Just asks. And says she misses him. lol She was actually dead set on me never getting married. Because she doesn't want a daddy and she -doesn't- want to call Ido "Daddy" and she doesn't want brothers or sisters and she doesn't want Justin to be her step-brother (My ex's son - they actually always got along great in spite of the age difference).

P's dad got deported when I was 5 months preggo and I haven't heard from him since. Minus the 1x he called in '08 after she was born, but yeah. She figured out on her own that she doesn't have a dad - she was 3 I think when she told me that. She's also decided in her head that she has 3 Mommies - Me, My sister, and my sister's girlfriend (BBE & JeeJee).

Anyway, back to this new dude situation. Online Dating -sucks. Um. Oh. So yeah, we've been texting and talking on the phone and he's already like "You can move in with me if you want. I'll pick you up in Texas and then you can move to NYC with me in November."

What happened to guys always insisting on taking it slow? Seriously? Anyone remember that time period? When girls were the ones who were like "Pleaaaase be my boyfriend!" and stuff? This is the second guy that's been like that with me and it's a little unnerving. And quite frankly a turn off of sorts. I don't like being Bitchy Betty when I actually get along with a dude like that, but seriously.

I always say, "Good things come to those who wait!"

He asked if I thought he wouldn't. I told him I didn't just -think- he wouldn't, I know it. I know how people are that wanna rush into things. Besides, I have my little girl to think of (the situation with her is complicated right now) and it'd be a horrible mistake if I left my parents to go home right now.

Not to mention moving to NYC.. Really? I hear it's a great city, but it's so far away from my family. And I couldn't possibly drag my daughter that far away from my sister. Nor could I just leave her behind like that. I mean, I'm sure it won't even become a real possibility, but stuff like that pops into my head almost as soon as it's suggested to me.

I need Xanax. A lot of them. My brain just never stops going. I've got way too much to worry about and yeah.