Small Girl, Big Life

So I thought friends were supposed to be there no matter what - no matter how hard you **** off, they'll still be there.

I ****ed off pretty hard Friday night. Not saying how or what all happened, but I did. It was a 1x thing, no... Well. It -is- a biggie, but whatever.

So I hadn't heard from my close friend Josh all week. He finally texted me and told me he'd been in jail, was completely obliterated drunk, and didn't wanna talk about it. In an attempt to be Supportive Friend / Maybe Future Girlfriend, I called him and told him what I'd been doing. Actually, he dragged it out of me after promising he wouldn't hang up like he did the last time. Sure enough, he hung up on me. And it turned into this whole argument.

Just to backtrack a bit, I've known him for almost a year now. When we met, I was still with my ex, but it was The Beginning of The End already. And again, I don't get close to people, but Josh & I always have gotten along like a house on fire and he was always begging me to go hang out with him and "**** Francisco, you should leave him and get with me" and all that (typical maleness). Francisco & I broke up, and we've kinda batted the idea of like.. dating even though it's long distance right now. Oh, we also have the same birthday. haha.

So I texted him and made a comment about everyone always being the same, spouting their "I love you, I'll always be here for you, blah blah blah" & it -always- ends up being the opposite, why -should- he be any different? His response? He said he doesn't even know me that well, he's never said he'd always be there no matter what, this was never some kind of game to try and screw me over, whatever. He also said that he had his thumb hovering over the "End" button 'cuz he -just knew- I was going to say something stupid.

Which basically means he backtracked on the stuff we've talked about anyway.

I wouldn't care normally, but the whole situation just kinda blind-sided me altogether. I thought we were better than that & much closer. I tried to explain to him that if the roles were reversed, I would -never- do that to him. He went to jail? I didn't flip out or get upset. He tried to explain away that it was just 'cuz he missed his probation 2x in a row. Jail is Jail, homie, it doesn't matter which way you slice it.

IDK.. It's disappointing. I couldn't help getting upset & crying over the whole situation. I'd already had a horrible weekend at work over what's been going on with A & C and my parents were giving me shit about my ex having all of my stuff - including things that're irreplaceable & invaluable & talking about how it's all lost forever and we'll never see it again.

I sent him another text the next day and reminded him that it was he who bugged me forever to tell him what was going on. And I kinda said that it was almost like he'd set himself up to get pissed off at me anyway. He never responded. And I guess he never will.