Small Girl, Big Life

Yep. I told Jay I'd been taking his leftover Klonopin.. Not a whole one or anything.. Just like a nibble here and there. And I sleep -so- much better without feeling sluggish and groggy the next day. Just goes to show how much stress I have in my life.

He told me this morning I should -definitely- keep taking them.

The fact is, even though I blog (I -still- hate that word) about my issues here, in the real world, I internalize it all. It takes a lot for me to blow up or show my anxiety. I have no problems telling people what the f*ck is up or whatever, but when it comes to me, it stays inside.

Jay got mad at me out of nowhere. We were laying in bed listening to music, playing Final Fantasy 9, and all of a sudden he gets mad because "I never wanna listen to -his- music", nor have I bothered to start learning Tagalog (he downloaded Rosetta Stone for me).

I don't know. I'm just in a funk, I guess. It's hard adjusting to living with not 1, but -2- guys and having to clean up after them and worrying about everything else on top of.

Annnnnd next week, Jay's gonna be gone like all week. 'Till Friday. Maybe.
He's leaving the damn debit card this time so I can get groceries. I've gotta figure out what I wanna make. My limit is 2 weeks' worth of groceries.. Last time we bought a month's worth. And it was a lot of money. I may order a new dress. I saw tons on billabong and roxy and volcom and shit that were super cute.

Speaking of! I found my favorite dress ever! Yay! Just gotta lose the weight so I can fit into it again.

It's strange.. I'm not as big as what I actually weigh and my boobs are gigantic.
Like.. This dress is a size 6. Back when I wore it literally everyday, it was tight in the boobs, but almost too big in my stomach. I may just go get it altered later on so that it fits better.

Anyway. So. He's leaving me his debit card. I'm thinking I'm ordering a couple of dresses. I'm already giving up smoking for these tickets to Distant Worlds, I can cut back on drinking so that I can order a couple of dresses in another color besides black. lolz.. I love dresses. And heels. I love cooking and cleaning in dresses and heels. God. I'm such a Martha Stewart.

I'm thinking I'm gonna make ceviche one night. (Here's to you, HeartlessAngel!)

Recipe:

- Tilapia (or other type of "sturdy" white fish. Tilapia is the best, though)
- Limes (A LOT of them. Like 2 or 3 lbs. You need the juices)
- Jalepeno, seeded & diced (or if you like spicy, leave seeds & membranes in)
- Onion, chopped
- Cilantro, chopped
- Garlic Powder
- Salt & Pepper

- Tomatoes, chopped
- Avocado, chopped
- Tostadas

Simply cut the the tilapia into 1 or 2 inch cubes (it slices/cuts better if the tilapia is partially frozen)

Place in a large bowl with chopped onion & jalepeno. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, garlic powder (to taste).

Halve or quarter limes and squeeze juice into bowl. You need enough juice to cover the tilapia mixture pretty well. Toss to combine well, and refrigerate at least an hour, up to overnight. The lime juice cooks the fish and other ingredients.

To serve, spoon ceviche onto tostadas, top with tomatoes and avocados (optional).