Small Girl, Big Life

So this weekend was supposed to be a knock-down drag out major ****ing drunk fest. Like we were all supposed to be Comatose and in recovery yesterday.

Cuz it was Cam's last weekend before deployment.

Friday night didn't happen 'cuz Cam had so much to do, and we were all tired.

Saturday, Cam's wife flew in from NYC, and Jay & I had to clean a lot so that my sister could come over and approve of the place ('cuz she's a bitch).

So after my sister & P left, Cam -finally- showed up with his wife... And a bottle of Irish whiskey and a small bottle of Patron Reposado (I'm not a fan of Patron. It's overpriced & overrated, but since it was Reposado....) and then Jay & I went and bought more beer.

Anyway. So Saturday morning, Jay was watching Homeland on his laptop and I was 1/2 asleep. He curled up in pain - almost crying - and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. He got over it, and we started cleaning. He scrubbed the bathroom spotless for over an hour. So then I went to Wal-Mart to get snacky/appetizer things for my sister & daughter & he'd completely cleaned everything except for Cam's room, the Dining Room, & the Kitchen. The bed was made, everything was put away... I told him not to, I'd finish it all when I got home, but he did it anyway.

So my sister came over with P, and -SHOCKER- asked Jay what he could do to her tattoo to make it look better. It -used- to be a tiny panda that she got in college (for her sorority), but it kinda looks like a blob and it's faded now. She then went to the Y to go work out and left P with us.

Parker was -so- ****ing cute with Jay. She warmed up to him really quickly - they colored together and every time she asked him to play with her, he did. And of course he cracked up at her attitude-y comments and her singing.

He wants her to take vocal lessons. He says she's -such- a good singer for her age that it'd be terrible for her to not do it. (She sang "No Good Deed" from Wicked , which I'll post shortly).

And then she said that he was part of our family. It was incredibly sweet.

SO. Anywho.

When Cam & his wife got here, we started drinking. There was a bit of drama with Cam's wife 'cuz she wanted to go back to the motel room with Cam. I told her straight up that he's just going to come back 'cuz he wants to hang out with us and she needs to just kick back and have fun. Whatever.

Jay then started having his pains again. Bad. I had to call an ambulance and get him to the hospital. He couldn't talk and was literally almost foaming at the mouth. Cam & I were both freaking out and crying. It was terrible.

They shot him up with Attivan (like 2 or 3 doses) and antibiotics, had an EKG hooked up to him, did XRays, but since we're not his family, we know -nothing-. They took him to the hospital on base, btw.

After he finally fell asleep, Cam's wife wanted to leave. She was like "Let's go. There's nothing we can do. We should leave." and I was like "**** you, bitch. You go. Go talk to Cam - he's not gonna be ok with this, but I'm staying. **** off".

..... It was then recommended that at least 1 person stays with him, so of course, I did. Cameron took her back here to find the quickest flight out of Nashville.

They discharged Jay at like 5 a.m. ... Cam picked us up. I told the dr that he has to be in the field and they're using live ammo this week, and all he said was "Ah.. He'll be alright" - didn't rx him any pain meds, nothing.

We don't know what's wrong still. The EMT said it's possibly a chest wall infection or something, but we don't know. And Jay refuses to call the hospital and find out.

So all that happened, and after a lot of thought, I texted Cherie, told her what was happening and that Jay changed his mind about her coming, because of everything going on and HE doesn't need the extra stress. She said, "I wasn't planning to come anyway".

..... So you were going to make us waste nearly $100 on a bus ticket just to bullshit us?

It was a horrible fight. I wish I could copy & paste it all. Jay yanked the phone out of my hand and told her that I have enough stress worrying about him and getting our lives put together and I don't need any extra - selfish bitch.

A lot more was said. She tried calling me a shitty mother and tried to say I "gave" my daughter away.

And I reminded her that not only did she -lose- custody of her kids, but she -NEVER- sees her son and she failed to take care of her daughter even when I watched her. I babysat her daughter 1 night so she could go to work. Not only did she -not- buy groceries or food for her daughter, but she also didn't leave money to get her daughter something. THEN she didn't come home 'till 2 a.m. - completely ****ed up (she pissed on my carpet) after her daughter had been asking where she was for 5 hrs.

What's really sad is that Cherie's daughter actually wanted to hang out with me instead of her mom after she & I had quality time together. My daughter -always- wants to be with me. And I'm always there no matter what. I never need "Mommy time" or whatever. My life is my child and she's the coolest, most beautiful little girl on the planet. I never get sick of her, she never drives me nuts - none of that.

Anywho. So Cheried talked more shit and said all this other stuff about me being a pill head and a junkie (which is a -joke- cuz she eats like 20 percocets at 1 time and has -never- tried helping me get them unless she was getting them herself)....

And I told her there's nothing she can say that will shock or upset Jay into leaving me. I've always been up front & honest with him about everything. And I told her it's her own fault she's in the homeless shelter and pregnant (which, by the way, is ridiculously irresponsible considering she can't take care of the 2 kids she already HAS).

I tried to help her. Told her to leave her ex alone, she wouldn't listen. And she got mad. I told her, "You wanna talk shit to me, but I'm being Proactive about my family & I'm trying to put the pieces together. At least I'm not in a homeless shelter & preggo with some dude's baby who doesn't give 2 shits about me".

There's more than that, but it just makes me sick. ****ing stupid bitches having babies when they shouldn't. And she's -30-. Older than me.

Like, I don't cry anymore. It takes a lot for that to happen. I've just learned to keep it all in, but I was bawling my eyes out for the 2nd time this weekend. I was so upset about this argument with her. She actually said that she's helped me out and I'm never there and I'm self-centered, selfish, and an ugly person.

When the fact is, when she needed a place to go - I was there. I gave her a roof over her head, my mother fed her, took her to work, -I- did her godamn laundry, and never did we get a "Thank You" - not a genuine one.

She -might- have given my mo $40 total in gas & a couple of packs of cigarettes. But that's it. But she said I was never there for her.

This is why I don't have friends, or let people in, or get close to anyone. 'Cuz shit like this happens.

Not to mention, I told my sister what happened to Jay & I got no response. Tried talking to my mom about it, but she pretty much hung up on me.

Like.... I'm sick of people. I'm always the good person - the nice, reliable one.. Call me, I'm there. ... IF I decide to let you in. I don't do it anymore. Because the few times I do, I wind up getting hurt.

On a happier note, Jay had to switch to AT&T (from Sprint) and he bought me (& himself) the new HTC One... I'm in love with it. The BeatsAudio front speakers are not only amazing on their own, but they actually -enhance- his audio in the car when hooked up via the Aux cable. Not to mention "Zoe" (just google it) and the Beam function.

oh AND You can set it up as a remote for your tv, home theater, and cable box. It's awesome. lol

SO.

Cam left this morning. For Afghanistan. I cooked him a huge breakfast - a 4 Egg Omelette with sauteed spinach, onions, asparagus & chicken (& Swiss cheese),
Hashbrown Casserole, Super Thick Cut Bacon, & An Everything Bagel with (whipped) Cream Cheese.... He couldn't finish it all it was so much food lol..

But. He got one last good meal, at least.

I miss him already. He's -such- a great person and so much fun to hang around with. And like with him and Jay, we can always be honest with each other and no one gets mad. They're both -really- amazing people. And I'm so lucky to have them both in my life....

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm done for now.



My daughter singing "No Good Deed" from Wicked.