Small Girl, Big Life

My brother is leaving here in a couple of hours to go pick up a load and get back to work.

And it'll just be me and my dad. I'm a nervous wreck. I know how my dad can be. He likes to insult me and talk shit constantly about how much of a f*ck up I am even though I'm the only one that bothers calling on a regular basis and I'm the only one willing and able to come and stay with him. My sister has to go back to her job & her life & my brother has to do the same while I have to put all of my plans on hold for awhile to take care of him.

I'm not complaining, it's just stressful. I still don't know what to do or how to go about getting everything figured out. My dad told my brother yesterday that I'm only here 'cuz I have nowhere else to go.

.... Which is bullshit. I was packed up and ready to go to New York when my mom passed away. He finally asked me what I was gonna do when BeeJay moved, and I told him I was supposed to have been going with him.

For whatever reason, my mom never told him of my plans (she probably thought he'd get upset). And surprisingly, my dad said, "I think you should go. It'd be a good Life Experience. Not many people can say they've lived in 4 different states or that they're moving to The Big City."

But anywho. My big brother got here on Friday afternoon.. We've been stoned all weekend. xD We went out to Texarkana to see my best friend and pick up some money that my boyfriend sent me & she got us a bunch of pot and some other stuff.

We had to go back out there and my dad let us take his truck... Buuuut then we were gone for awhile and he got pissed off at us. Or rather, me.

So today, it'll just be me and my dad. My sister will be back on the 23rd for Christmas, but then she'll be gone again on the 26th or 27th. IDK how long I'll be here.

Someone's supposed to be setting up a benefit for my dad.. With my mom gone, he's losing $800/month that was her retirement and his social security payments are gonna drop somewhat at some point. He's gonna have to trade in the RV for something smaller and he still hasn't gotten his big truck or the property sold.

This is so stressful.