The Michael Swayne Story V: King of his Castle

So, I have been holding some stuff back from you all lately. I would put in little bits and bobs about it when a thread would turn up, but never really talked about it. Anyway, if things get too NSFW, I will spoiler it, otherwise, the admins can spoiler it themselves.

I guess the big news is that I am no longer a virgin. Woo? I don't know. Anyway, I know before I had said that I have no interest in sex and how I'm not attracted to either sex. But these last two years has been some sort of awakening or something. I think because of how I am technically living on my own, I have been wanting to try new things. And one of those things just happens to be sex. I mean, before, I was all gung-ho about how you should only have sex after marriage, or with the person you want to spend your whole life with. But after everything happened with Dad choosing another family to spend the rest of his time with, all of that super-happy, rainbows and sunshine feelings I had just died. Sad, I know, but true.

SPOILER!!:

So, when I moved here, I just thought, "Why not try stuff out?" After all, if I don't like it enough, I won't do it again. And then, that's when I thought to look online. I found someone local in need of some attention, rode my bike to their house, and we did things. Porn was playing, clothes came off, and minutes later, clothes were put back on, small talk was spoken, and I left.

All the time during, I was thinking, "what am I doing?" I felt no attraction to this person. I wasn't planning on seeing this person again (which is not true, since I deliver newspapers to their house). My heart was not into it, even if my loins (or whatever you want to call it) were. I did not have fun.

And that was it. For over a year, I did not have any sinking feelings about when the next time I was going to have sex. It did not become an obsession, like it had for my father (who said that I would only understand what it was like in his shoes if I did it as well).

Now, fast forward to this past Autumn. I was looking online, reading ads people placed about some of the people they missed spending time with or want to spend time with (because most of them are hilarious), and I read one about me. I knew it was me, because how many people in the village deliver newspapers on Thursdays on bicycles? Anyway, I replied to it. I figured I would see what he wanted, and be on my way. We agreed to meet near my house. I told Carma that I was going to help a friend with their computer (because for all I know, I could have been), and made my way to the meetup point.

SPOILER!!:

When I got there, I was invited into the vehicle. We talked for a bit, then I found myself leaning back as I became this person's object. I had what the person desired, and I was perfectly fine with letting them having it. After the person was finished and got what they wanted, I got out of the truck and walked back home, feeling quite spent. I told Carma when I got back that the computer was a quick fix (something about the person forgot to plug it in the Ethernet cable).

Still, no feeling toward the person. I was basically a well-bred cow, standing there and getting milked.

SPOILER!!:

A month later, the person wanted another "helping" (Golly, that sounds oddly gross, but I can't think of other words). Since I was home alone, but Joey was due back from school soon, I invited the person to the house for another car session. The same stuff happened.

I was getting used to acting as if I cared, it seemed. A few well-placed oh's and ah's, mixed in with several yeah's and a couple profanities is all it takes for some people, I guess. And still, I feel nothing for these people. As if these acts are just that, acts, and I am an actor. I mean, the person who met with me at the gas station parking lot simply just wanted to watch stuff happen.

SPOILER!!:

But I wanted to try something new. See if maybe I was just not doing something correctly (sometimes being a perfectionist is a curse). I find this nice person (and clean, ALWAYS clean), and invite them over. We got to my room, and when they are comfortably on my bed, I have my way. When it was all over, I was disappointed because I hadn't been satisfied. It just felt empty. Then, the person left.

So, no matter what I try, I don't feel like I am ever going to find the appeal of this whole sex thing. The next person wanted to Roleplay, which was okay with me. It wasn't anything too weird. Nothing furry, thank all of the heavenly bodies.

And then today (which is the reason for this whole post) was something of a grabby person. It was similar to other people, but the person went and left hickeys on my neck. I didn't know it until I got home. I walked into the bank, and the store, and ordered a soda from the dairy bar with them in plain view. When I got home and saw myself in the mirror, I instantly had to hide them. Luckily my hair is long and thick enough to cover it up quite well.

But still, I feel nothing. I am certainly not planning on making this a habit. It still seems like a rather pointless act.

Anyway, I just wanted to jot all of this down somewhere, and give all of the bots that view this another bit stuff to view (as well as all of you, naturally). So, I guess I will end for now. I hope to see you around the forums, and until then...

Later!

Michael