Blargh! A Blog!

First and foremost, I wanted to mention who the Melody Weaver is. She and I had a romantic (online) relationship, and it showed me that no matter how far away we were, true love could be found anywhere. I know some of you would be against the idea of an online relationship, and even mention the possibility of her faking her death just to avoid me. Well I don't want to hear it so don't waste our time (yours and mine). But anyway.... Her name was Riddel. At least that's the name she would give me.

She was a tortured soul, and I was no more than a caged dog because there was nothing I could do from a distance. She was bullied in school, pushed around. You can only imagine how I, an Oklahoma resident, felt that my beloved was tortured hundreds of miles away, in a little town in Oregon called Springfield.

But in the end, she would be happy to hear from me and we would have great conversations. We would say "I love you" to each other at the end of every day. I had come from a failed relationship from about a year earlier, so this was truly the first time I felt true love. No matter how my day went, she would always make me smile and selflessly make me happy.

It was in February of 2008 that she was told she had cancer. Her brother would later message me that she had brain cancer, and it was consuming her at a rapid rate. She didn't tell me because she didn't want me to worry. And you guessed it, she never told me. She passed away in the middle of April. I was devastated. I found out during a school morning so I struggled to hold back the tears for most of that day. And until I told my mom about it (she wasn't happy that I did something like this, so I kept quiet from that point on) I cried to myself when I was alone.

Her last words encouraged me to be the best person I can possibly be, and while I have failed many times I'll never give up. And that's my advice to you all. Whoever you may be, be the best person you can possibly be. I want to pass on her words to everyone in the hopes that maybe someday her selflessness would rub off on someone. And in my opinion, we need a lot of people like that. Kind. Selfless. Go out of their way to make someone happy.

I've been reading Fruits Basket lately. It kinda breaks my heart just seeing the similarities between the main character and my sweet Riddel. Odds are I'll never find someone like that again in my life, but the least I can do is spread the word. To anyone who thinks everyone in this world is truly evil, well Riddel is the exemption. No matter how much time has passed, she continues to hold that special place in my heart.

What you're about to read is the poetry I managed to gather from the thread I made a long time ago. This is definitely a repost not just for everyone who has read it, but something for the new readers as well. She truly was something else. Please give it a shot at least. And I certainly hope you enjoy it.

-----

Sweet Dreamers

We shut our eyes every night
Ready for dreams of tomorrow
Brighter days and happier times
The most pleasant nighttime adventures

Never before had I shut my eyes
With fear of not awakening
But tonight I lie, the fear quite clear
Yet somehow my mind shows the light

We were sweet dreamers
Ready to escape reality for just a few hours
Laying our heads down for rest

Being greeted with the smiling faces
Of dreamy companions

Fighting great beasts of evil
Saving the day in one great bout
Or just having dreams
Of a day without burden
Sweet Dreamers we would always remain

And now one such as I
Lay for one final rest
Knowing now that waking wasn't an option
Yet with a smile on my face
I slipped away, to worlds only we would know
Us, the sweet dreamers

-----

(No title)

To care is a gift
To love is a blessing
Once you know
And once you do
It's hard to forget
I care for you
More than I do
Anyone else
I give you something
As I give you my words
Something you might want
Or something you might not
But I do truely care for you

-----

Colors

Like crayons in a box
We're all so different
Some purples
Some greens
Some crazy extreme
Not a one in the box
Is the same thing
We're all only crayons
Non-toxic

-----

The Unnoticed Beauty

The lighting played part
But certainly not much
For the beauty displayed
Was certainly her own

Those cerulian eyes
Soft porcelian skin
Amazing velvet hair
Pale and Beautiful

She was one of amazing grace
The way she moved...
Simply amazing

But tore herself down
With acts of pain
She held the blades close
And watched the blood
Such distain

The beauty unnoticed
He vowed to protect
With light in his eyes
He balled up his fists

Never again did the beauty hurt
Never again did she dance with blades
Never again was she alone

-----

The Girl

Something about her makes me uneasy…
Maybe it’s a slight fear or dislike,
But in searching for words to describe it
I manage to find none that work…

As time passes I’ve noticed
No one says a word to her,
Knows her name,
Or even seems to see her there.

I swear she’s just in my mind…
A figment of my imagination…
My guilty mind,
Perhaps,
Making up someone I once knew.

I see her when I turn away
Out of the corner of my eye…

She sits in the shadows
And watches silently…

Don’t you see her?
She’s…
The girl of my guilty mind
The girl I once was
The girl I left behind

-----

To The Dreamer

Bring me those broken ones
The fearful and frightening ones
And somehow I will work through
And salvage the happiness
Through tears and screams
You'll wake in a fright
But that's the time of night
You need just call me
And I will mend those broken nightmares
Into pleasant dreams
Let me help you sleep peacefully
Even if it means losing the sleep I need

-----

Time

It was a silly time
Laughing at nothing
But laughing at everything
All at the same time

I wrapped my arms around you
And we both gasped for breath
Laughing so hard made it difficult
To get the air we needed

But somehow we didn't mind

It was a sad time
Watching all the pain
From each other's eyes
Knowing we can't help this time

I wrapped my arms around you
So we could cry together
Crying so much made it difficult
To see everything around us

But somehow we didn't mind

It was a loving time
Feeling our connection
Stronger than we had ever before
And staying side by side

I wrapped my arms around you
And in silence we felt
All of the emotions made it difficult
To find words that fit

-----

Crushed

Hated for loving
Hurt for caring
And yelled at for being

I cannot take another scream
Not another harsh word
Not another glare from across the room

I just ask that you leave me be
And let me live as me

I will always love
I will always care
I will always be
So why not let me?

-----

Too Much

Overwhelmed by feeling
Circuits fried and overloaded
Too many feelings
Too much pain
Too much fear
Too much hurt

I just want to scream
So everyone will know
Just want to scream
To let it all out

But my voice is small
And my lungs wish not to grasp the air
So silently I suffer this overload

The feelings burst
And on tear soaked pillows I lay
Waiting for someone to come
And wipe the tears away

-----

Mistakes

Yeah I've screwed up bad
Lied like it was my life
And tried to get through
Even though I missed you
But don't forget
I love you like my friend
And don't forget
No matter what
I'll be there for you in the end
Because I love you
My friend

Yes those mistakes
They were quite rough
I've lied before
But not like this
Because I cannot do this
Cannot dismiss the feelings of woe
The feeling I've wronged
Beyond repair
But now I give to you
The promise that I'll do better
Do it better for you

Because I love you my friend
I hope you love me through my mistakes

-----

Peace

It looked so nice
The melting snow
The birds coming out
Sounds of wind were all that disturbed

Peace at last

-----