The struggle over the tyranny of my world

Not even going to bother with a title today.

As always, ill start with a slight rant..

I HATE PEOPLE IGNORING ME. I mean, i ask something important. They see the message and then never reply. Constantly. Am i just not worth anyones time? Not even a second? I mean, even if its important. Even if you know i have loneliness issues. People that have complained that i vanish on them, when they just vanish with me.
Its not really that big of a problem, but im noticing it more and more now that im not worrying about everything. Its like.. I am actually as alone as i make myself out to be.
Well, not really. I have a few friends (who are new and will likely dwindle off over time anyway) who still talk, but when they leave are they just going to be replaced again? I dont want this cycle. I want people i can trust. And i only really have one of those right now. And even then, she still has to earn a bit of that back.

Also, the place i was supposed to be moving into isnt a definite anymore. Seems they are back into the 'we are talking about it' stage. I dont really mind, honestly. As long as i can get a place of my own (which is easily possible with what i earn now) i shall be content. Friends are always better though, i guess. Even ones that dont talk at all because they have no time anymore. I just need to get out of here. Not just for my own sake.

‎'They say that love is forever
and your forever is all that i need.
Please stay as long as you need
Cant promise that things wont be broken,
But i swear that ill never leave'

She told me to listen to that song today. Sleeping with sirens. The song itself makes me so happy. Its the acoustic version of James dean and Audrey Hepburn? I still havent moved on from listening to it, but i think i should, or the good feeling from it will be gone.

Looking back on myself a few months ago.. Im back to that person id be friends with. Im disliking myself a little less, but its a gradual process, i guess. A few months ago i was so bitter and angry. Now i feel little hatred, little jealousy. Hell, my friends are leaving me.. Yet i dont really care. My parents rage at me all the time, yet it matters little to me. Im not doing anything wrong, my dads just lost his job and is taking it out on me. Leaving will solve a lot of problems. I thought a while ago that id undone that damage that was done, but it seems there was still more. I wonder how much is left. And also, my mood seems to boom mondays, and dwindle down the less contact i have with miss fangirl till i get exited to see her sunday again. But talking to her on msn seems to be rather mood lifting. I wonder if talking to me does the same for her. She's not free, like i am, and isnt as content. But she's talking a lot more now. Thats a good sign, i think.

Ive felt lately that i have words in my head that i could convert to lyrics and make a song out of it. I probably could, if they finally came to me but i cant force them. Im hoping they come. Maybe.

Topics getting shorter usually means im getting tired.

And i think im starting to get sick. Ive had a runny nose for the last hour or so to the point where ive had to go blow it. And my throat is really dry. Usually the sign of the fly or something. But things like that never last with me. Easily gone by morning.

But yeah, may as well sleep it off.

'I cant promise that things wont be broken
But i promise i will never leave
Please stay forever with me'