The struggle over the tyranny of my world

So yeah, i dont remember when i last posted, but im rather sick. Today only, ive used up a whole toilet paper roll (we ran out of tissues, so im using those instead), and ive thrown up a few times. The last time was forced, and im hoping that ends it all. Maybe ill wake up well again. I hope so.. Because im losing work, and my father is taking all my money in between the rages he has at me. Doesnt even matter if im sick, really. All i want to do is stay in bed and lay down but im still expected to do housework and stuff. Ehh.. I feel like im dying.

MCS was amazing. By far the best band ive seen so far. The effort involved is probably whats weakened me enough to get this sick. Probably. I was starting to get better, i think. But eh.

Im starting to get a bit anxious on moving out. I really need it. It should basically make everything good at the moment, or at least, a lot easier. And thats what i need right now, easy. The ability to sit down and relax without anyone hating on me. In saying that, i should stop critisizing others. I dont really do it that much, but its probably all a few people see from me. Im pretty hurt on the inside and i guess thats part of how im dealing. Its terrible, but i just do.

Fangirl seems to be a lot happier. Though off memory, you cant always believe that. Im quite aware she's still in a bad place, but she seems happy around me. We almost run out of things to talk about in our hour now, but thats expected. Ive been thinking about it a lot, really. Im pretty sure she wont get bored of me, but i cant help fearing it. And the last few times its been really hot and ive been forced out of home days prior and probably havent showered. Urgh.. hopefully that doesnt happen this week. Well, really.. i need to get better. I REALLY hope i didnt give her what i have. That would just ruin my everything. But she seemed like she was already somewhat sick recently, so hopefully she's still immune.

Is is bad that i miss her every second im not with her? Right now id want nothing more than to just relax and watch some random movie (MCR live videos would be even better) with her in my arms. To just not stress or worry about anything. Gahh, im such a fool..

Ive got less than a month left till i know if im moving out or not. Less than a month... Just gotta bear through it, i guess. I still have a fair bit to pay him back, and he's only going to make it harder. I can deal though. Its not really something im getting worked up over. But i havent really worked at all this week.

I should sleep. I feel tired, and i cant go back to my room till then, to avoid waking people up with all the coughing.