Pete

Update time!

For those of you who care to read this, and it should be all of you, I'm doing alright. Good even. I'm feeling a peace within myself that I haven't felt in a very, very long time. It's strange, and I won't lie, it worries me just a little bit. It's the type of peace that usually comes before some kind of disaster, for me at least. I hope and pray that this isn't the case, but I can honestly say I'm siting here in my recliner, with a nice cold PBR (in a bottle, not a can!), watching the Islanders play the Rangers, and I'm happy. Genuinely happy.

I recently started a new job, where I no longer have to scrap for hours or fight to get paid. It's an amazing feeling to get the same check every week no matter what I do. I get paid fairly well and only have the opportunity to increase. It's still not my dream, but I'll take it for now. It's already allowing me to start saving for some big boy moves.

I recently went through my old cd collection so that I could update my itunes and ipod, and I wound up finding a bunch of old mix tapes (well, cds) that exes had made me, as well as old cds that I had made at various points in my life, in various mental states (from the summer before graduating college to about a year after my dad had died) . Some of them were cringe worthy, and some of them were actually pretty damn good and worth holding onto. Some of them made me laugh and others almost cry. Some almost made me mad.

I did wind up throwing some out, and luckily so, because my girlfriend had held onto my cd wallet for the better part of a year. I've come to realize that even though I was in some shitty relationships and was turning myself into something I didn't want to be, I'm so much more grateful for what I have now, where I can just be myself, without worrying about offending anyone with my political opinions, or by being a second class citizen in their eyes.

I've been through so much shit and am still here, with people that give a shit about me, and even love me. That's such an amazing concept, and I'm so grateful for being able to experience it. I've failed hard in my life at various points, and literally grew to hate myself because of it. I think I can finally say that I accept myself even through my own failures. I've learned that I will never accomplish as much by hating or doubting myself or my past. I can only build on it.

"The things that I loved, the things that I lost
Things I held sacred, that I dropped
I won't lie, no more than you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget"

What I'm trying to say is that things are going really well for me, and I hope they are for everyone else here. Without sounding too cheesy, I'm still working to get to my dreams and I hope everyone else is too.