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A Difficult Situation

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by
DragonHeart
, 04-18-2013 at 05:36 AM (1575 Views)
I thought being short-handed last night would be the worst of our problems. I was very much wrong.

So let me set the scene here for you. I was scheduled to work with certain people last night, but due to whatever, we ended up with an entirely different crew and also short one cashier after 6:00. Aggravating, but it happens.

So everyone gets there and the usual stuff going on, blah blah. Well, both myself and the shift supervisor on noticed that our coworker was behaving strangely, very much off. I mean, he's usually on the rough side with customers to begin with but it was like he was trolling for complaints. Arguing with customers over silly little things, no filter on the side comments, etc. We both thought it strange but it was busy and there was work to be done, so whatevs, just soldier on. This kid tends to be moody and actually, the running joke is that he's a werewolf, for various reasons.

Anyway so we get around to breaks. I go on mine, he goes on his, we're managing with what we've got. The shift goes on his break so it's just me and the werewolf kid up front, there's a bit of a lull. So I talk to him a little bit, just trying to suss out what's going on with him today. He's the sort who always has something bringing him down. I thought maybe he got in a fight with his girlfriend, or was brooding over the second job he quit the week before. Something like that. Little did I know...

He's so quiet I can't hear him mumbling a few times, then just after I ring out a customer, he drops this on me:

"I tried to kill myself yesterday."

Um...wtf. Ok, so I've dealt with emo people before (I went to high school too), but this...I have no experience with this. Totally out of my depth.

I tell him the usual stuff you're supposed to tell suicidal people. I'm here if you need to talk, what's going on in your life, that sort of thing. It's made rather difficult because he's a newer employee so I know a little bit about hobbies and such but I don't know anything about his, shall we say, life situation. I think I met his girlfriend once, that's about it. I think this might actually be why he told me, because I don't know him all that well. I can't say for sure. He did say a few minutes later he shouldn't have told me, so it wasn't intentional or anything. I'm that kind of person, sort of. I know everything that goes on in the store because people always talk to me about things. Most of the time whatever I hear goes no farther, except maybe to one coworker I vent to occasionally.

But even I know this can't lie as is. I mean, I would never effing forgive myself if I told no one and his face was on the morning news. So I text said coworker to ask advice as soon as I can get away from the front, she's a shift and we've been working together for over a decade, so I trust what she has to say. Not that I don't trust the shift who's actually there, he's just traditionally not someone you bring higher level stuff to.

I don't tell her his name but she knows. I mean, it's the worst kept secret in the store that this kid is really depressed and apparently has no home support or something. So she tells me to tell my boss, because well, what else do you do? She also tells the shift who's on so he can help me handle this matter of extreme sensitivity and importance.

Boss doesn't answer and I'm needed back up front, so the shift tries to call my boss. His wife tells him that the boss is at hockey (he's a coach) and did not bring his cell phone with him. Awesome. So he's unreachable. We try another shift who is much better equipped to handle the situation but she's asleep because she has to be at the store at like 5 a.m. for the weekly delivery. This whole time I'm trying to both stay up front and work this problem out without alerting coworker, because who knows wtf he'll do, right? The shift also texts one of our other coworkers who is a good friend of suicidal friend to basically get her to talk to him asap and do whatever she can to get his spirits up.

Finally bossman calls the store, I have to direct him to the shift cause I'm main cashier atm and it's busy. So the shift gives him the story and...that's about as far as it goes since it's the end of the shift. I don't know what happens from there.

Very stressful, very upsetting situation all around. My hands were shaking, and I'm not even particularly emotional most of the time. I have no idea what I'm going to walk into on my shift today. Suicidal kid is scheduled to be at work this morning. I can only hope that we can get him the help he needs.

But damn, suicide intervention is not what I expected to be doing yesterday. What is this I don't even--what do you effing do in that position? Ugh. My head hurts. This is a terrible week.

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Comments

  1. noxious.sunshine's Avatar
    It's a tough situation to be in. I've been in your position a couple of times with co-workers.. And my brother ... Whoooo's a crackhead. That's besides the point.

    I've gotten to where it irritates me to no end when people start talking like that. I was borderline-suicidal a couple of times - a loooooong time ago. And I just decided one day that being sad all the time sucks and forced myself to snap out of it. No therapy or anti-depressants.

    So when these people have told me "God I just wanna kill myself. If it weren't for my kids, I would", I'm just like "STFU and get over it. Stop being so selfish". .. But then again, these people seem to run with open arms straight towards disaster/ the exact opposite of what they -should- be doing and I don't have patience for all that. They don't listen to me anyway, so... Yeah.

    I'm kind of heartless when it comes to that situation. -_-;;; I probably helped not at all there. But at least you're attempting to help out in some way. Just remember, there's only so much you can do, and if something -does- happen, you did all you could.
  2. DragonHeart's Avatar
    I know, it's just one of those things. I'm not at all equipped to handle this sort of thing because while yes, I've been depressed over things now and again, I tend to be realistic and recognize that nothing will change about it until I do something. The one thing I have observed that seems to be a common trait of the more depressive types is that, either because of their depression or as a cause of it, they are all very passive.

    This kid, for example. What little I do know: he went to college, he has a degree. He has all these ideas of projects he wants to do. Writing, making movies, etc. But when pressed he will come up with all of these arbitrary obstacles about why he can't do any of them. He can be extremely frustrating to talk to, which I'd wager is why he often complains about not having any friends. And from what I can tell, he's doing basically nothing to work his way out of this situation, he just mopes about it. All the time.

    I've tried to be encouraging and come up with reasons why he can in fact do all these things he wants to do, but he shoots all of them down with yet more excuses. It gets old fast.
  3. noxious.sunshine's Avatar
    Oooooh. He's one of -those-...

    I went through that phase for a little while. My close friend Matt finally got fed up with me and was just like "don't talk to me again until you can be Fun Happy Jamie that I fell in love with 7 yrs ago".. It hurt. I left him alone, but then I realized he was right. There really was a lot going on at that time and I really don't talk about my issues to people.. He just happened to be available so he got the full brunt of it all.

    But it all goes back to what we both said - it's mind over matter.

    My dad is the same way, actually, but he's a d*ck about it.. He's depressed because he had to retire from truck driving. He & my mom have been retired for a year now. He'd planned on pretty much dying behind the wheel of their truck. Now, all he does is lay on the couch, watch t.v., drink Budweiser, and stay hopped up on Xanax. .. And bitch about what's wrong with the 3 of us kids. Or well.. Me, to be specific. He complains that he hurts all the time, but he can't go to a doctor 'cuz they can't afford it & don't have insurance. He stays grumpy 27 hrs a day.. And when my sister and I have made suggestions, he makes up excuses. I suggested he try planting a small garden behind their RV this Spring/Summer and grow his tomatoes that he loves so much and maybe a couple of other vegetables. He -could- go work in the truck shop if he really wanted to. He's the only good mechanic around and he loves stuff like that, but he just says his brain doesn't work like it used to
  4. Incognitus's Avatar
    From what little experience I have with suicidal individuals, you did the right thing by telling someone. Often an individual tells someone else so they can get the help they feel they can't otherwise get by themselves. It's like a subconscious plea for help. That may not be the case here, but the procedure is still the same: tell someone and don't ever ignore a comment like that. The fact that it was brought up so suddenly is probably a red flag in this situation. I hope he can get some help---at the very least, see some specialists.

    One of my roommates in college was diagnosed manic depressive and went through bouts of suicide-obsessive thoughts. It was a rough year for her and at one point insinuated that she tried committing suicide, so we told someone. We had to keep tabs on her during the low swings. She got through the year, at least (although I lost contact with her for some very specific reasons). I also know of three classmates from elementary/middle school who ultimately killed themselves during my college years---one of the many depressing things I learned through that Facebook grapevine---including a guy that was an old elementary school friend. His path in life diverged from mine and we ceased being friends after the fifth grade. Was a good guy at one point, but... things happen. I never did learn why he killed himself. I heard there was a note. However, I was so far removed from his immediate family that I doubt they would remember me if I had asked. Not that I would.

    And noxious.sunshine is absolutely right---there's only so much you can do in these types of situations. Telling someone else who is in a greater position to help is about the best you can hope for here.
  5. noxious.sunshine's Avatar
    Oh. I forgot. I have an ex-boyfriend who -did- kill himself later on.

    He was my brother's best friend that I'd known since I was a baby. He was 10-ish yrs older than me and why I thought it was a good idea to hook up with him, I have no idea. Like 99% of the people in my hometown, he got hooked on drugs, lost his left arm in a drunk driving accident (wrapped his car around a tree), and was addicted to methadone/heroine/idk wtf...

    He got sent to court-mandated rehab up in Wisconsin shortly after we started "dating". I had plans for school and after he left it hit me what a really bad idea it was to be with him. He was my big brother's best friend and everyone knew his problems, so yeah. I broke it off. He was talking about getting married and all this crap and I was only 20. -Anyway-. His mother died while he was in rehab .. She was all the family he had. Period. He left rehab, started dating a girl down in Georgia, and moved in with her.

    She dumped him. He went into the garage, got in the car, & started the engine with the garage door closed. He died from the poisoning of the exhaust.

    Sure, it's sickening to think about. I often wonder what would've happened had I stayed and been there for him. I just stopped talking to him altogether and this was someone who'd been in my life since I was tiny. Not that we'd kept in touch during my adolescent years or anything, but it's something I feel extremely guilty about every now and then. But in the end, I tried doing what was best for -me-. I remember the day I called my brother when he told me. I'd been up for a few days (tweaked out). He had to repeat himself several times before I could understand him. He was in his truck somewhere in Cali or Texas, IDK. He was so upset about it and I had no clue what to say. -He- didn't even know that I'd dated him for that short month or two. It was bad.
  6. DragonHeart's Avatar
    We'll see what happens, I guess. From what little I've gathered he doesn't have much, if any family support. He does have a girlfriend though--in fact, he lives with her and her parents. But I don't know how well he's treated by them, either. Many, many question marks in this particular case.

    But by now the entire management staff knows and it's basically going to be a team effort to keep an eye on him, try to get him talking, etc. Ultimately though, you can reach out to someone but you can't make them take your hand. So far from what my boss has said he's rebuffed offers to go out for a beer and talk with my boss, so he's not really receptive to it right now. And I suppose he's probably not going to tell me anything else. I'm not going to apologize for giving a damn, though.

    What he chooses to do from here is not caused by my actions--that, I understand. But I'll be damned if I do nothing and see his face in the paper, you know? He's not an easy person to get along with, but he's still part of the crew.
  7. noxious.sunshine's Avatar
    Well, at least you guys have done what you can. This may sound bitchy, but I call bullsh*t on him.

    People who kill themselves typically dont give a warning beforehand. They'll leave a note or something and just do it. I know every situation is different, but in most cases, that's the way it is. He's looking for attention. The rebuffs, to me, are simply a ploy to get -more- attention.... Im not sure if that made any sense (it did in my head anyway).. It's like a reverse psychology type thing. ... O