Due to some strong feelings for someone a few years ago, I unknowingly turned myself into a hermit and cut myself off from everyone I ever knew because I always wanted to be available to that person. To show them how dedicated and loyal I was.

However, certain incidents and actions over those years that I now see should have given me the red flag that I was in a toxic relationship. A relationship that I truly didn't want. However the feelings I had for this person were so strong that I ignored them or denied their existence, I tried to make the relationship work.

The funny thing is we both did this. We both tried to make it work between us, but as the years went by and the way this person is.. every single time something bad happened, I was always the one taking the blame. It was always my fault. Never theirs. They could do no wrong.

I admit I did make some mistakes, although in hindsight my mistakes were very minor. But in some cases that doesn't matter, all that matters is how they were perceived by the person who had been offended by them. To which they were always so offended that they wanted to harm themselves.

And because of their reaction, I get made into a terrible person in the eyes of our friends and get lashed out against. I'm the one who has the faults. I'm the one who needs to fix myself.

..All because I made a harmless jab or two, to someone who apparently doesn't know how to laugh at themselves and takes every little slight and keeps it to themselves until they explode and make everything out of proportion instead of communicating clearly.

Sometimes there are tasteless jokes, but in the grand scheme of things and of what this person has told me before I got tossed into the garbage, is that they were looking for an excuse to get rid of me. At least that is what I tell myself.

But.. at least now I've learned. Make myself happy first and foremost, and perhaps if others take notice of that, I won't have to work so hard on making others happy.

I don't really have much of an excuse, save for about just one; about why I left and why I haven't come back until now. Hell, I'm surprised I'm still a member of the staff. Thank you for keeping me on, though. I will do my utmost to stay as active as I can be.

I have to deeply apologize to my friends that I left hanging here and on MSN/Skype or AIM. (I honestly just keep forgetting to sign on AIM.) I'm sorry I never kept contact at all, but I will say that I am back on MSN/Skype if anyone is still interested. I'll have to install AIM again too.

I'm also digging the new Post Report notifications, much easier to handle. But I digress.