JEEEEEZE, I've butchered another relationship. Startling realization #Ialwaysknewthat -_-;

So, I met a guy at a different forum that I was temporarily a member of (just to vent some anger at the moderators of this site after the V4 switchy thing - yeah, like I'm really gonna get over you destroying the planet, Freiza =-|) Anyway, over there, in that awesome, but somehow shockingly crude forum, we immediately clicked. Even though we hardly shared any of the same hobbies, (he's an action type guy, while I'm more of a strategy gamer) we spoke the same language and I had a great time joking around with him. Unfortunately the fun had to come to an end because as much as I gripe, I'm still drawn to this place. It was tough leaving the other forum, though, because they had this cool arcade (hint - HINT, mods!) and in the process, I didn't say goodbye to him. Unaware that he'd been writing me and waiting for me to respond all that time, I went carelessly on with my life - what a ----- (< insert harsh, self-debasing insult here).
Anyway, last month the guy actually tracked me down to here and...I fessed up that it really was me and apologized and he said he forgave me, but I sense a lull in our relationship. I guess deep down I truly don't believe he's forgiven me. I don't believe I was worth searching all that time for either, when it comes down to it... am I just imagining this?
Should I bring it up or ignore it?

Yeah, I knoooow I said I'd use my blog only to advertise my art, and I WILL put an old sketch up here as soon as my scanner stops producing black portals =-[

Greetings fellow art droolers and bored people looking for new stuff to ogle at. My latest sketch is of Aerith (or aeris), who I am perfectly awful at drawing, but whatev.
Here it is: In my sketch thread, as per usual :P

A lot of time has suddenly cleared up in my calendar, I don't know how long it'll last but I'm going to use it doing stuff I love: Sketching!

Realist Cyan: "This will be my twenty fifth blog - and my last" T_T
Gamer girl Cyan: "Duuude. Don't get so T.O.ed, it's not personal, there just aren't that many blog readers out there yet!!!! Don't give up!!!"
Realist Cyan: "Does it occur to you that I'm speaking to different versions of myself because I don't have that many people to talk to?"
Gamer Cyan: "ya know it did."
Realist Cyan: "Good. Just checking if the world is still sane. Anyway, yeah, a small part of me thinks if I got more feedback I might feel differently - look at me, talking about 'feelings' that's progress!"
Gamer Cyan: "Props to ya, girl." :woot:
Realist Cyan: "-But there's another issue here, I realize that his illustrious majesty Micheal Swayne is a successful blogger and gets views because he's honest about what's going on in his life, it makes sense, how can I expect people to be interested in me when I haven't told them who I am, everything that's happened? and I'm just not ready to meet that level of candidity...if I ever will be. It's all too soon."
Gamer Cyan: "A-hyuk, Candidity SHOULD be a word."
Realist Cyan: "It's an ongoing crisis and I can't stop to write this stuff down or I may just realize how awful everything really is."
Gamer Cyan: "Duuude, it must be truly horrific. Would you say it's worse than...say, what other bloggers are going through currently?"
Realist Cyan: "I would not hesitate to make that affirmation if I weren't so bummed out about it. Don't wanna go there. I'm getting the urge to vomit just thinking. Let's get back on subject. My suggestion is that I stop blogging."
Gamer Cyan: "Nooo! Don't! You'll be cutting yourself off! You're already pretty isolated."
Realist Cyan: "Don't fret, I know what I need, and that's to gain my footing, and I'm not getting it done here. Other people have consistently let me down, so, inevitably, I need to return to trusting just myself."
I'll use this blog for announcing new sketches and giving links to those, but otherwise I'm taking a break. reinventing, solidifying myself, that hippy stuff..."
Gamer Cyan: "But what about my crazy urges to splurge onto a page?!?"
Realist Cyan: =_=' "Yeah, all that stuff will go back to being internalized. Don't worry, this will help both of us."
Gamer Cyan: "You are soo gonna be back next week.":P
Realist Cyan: "No I ain't - unless I finish a sketch"

Wish me luck, guys ;D

Hello peopleses. Before I reveal my latest and there's no doubt, my greatest sketch, I'd like to whine once more.
After much thought and due deliberation I have discovered many things that I do not like about the forum updates. One MORE complaint is: there simply aren't enough selfless people on this site to support, read and comment on the massive amounts of blogs that keep cropping up. I imagine it's terribly insulting to pour one's soul into a page and find the little 'zero views' on the screen (and all the little whos in whovill cried who cares?)

Whatever. On to the unveiling!!!!

This, most awesome of my sketches was done quite a while ago, and I mercilessly drummed up anticipation for it, but, as fate had it, my scanner was kidnapped and held hostage. Only NOW will it be revealed in its true, colorful glory. Feel free to like this and any other of my old works (Cyan's been getting a little testy that she's given 93 likes and received only 33. I subliminally command you to make her feel better about her life)

Enough goofing, here's the link
http://thefinalfantasy.net/forums/vi...ml#post1342621

Lady Cyan: *Phew* I haven't done a blog in a while...
Pompous Prof. Cyan: Do you know why that is?
L. Cyan: No. I had supposed the cause had something to do with my exhaustion of late.
Pompous Prof. Cyan: You are incorrect, madame. True, you have been inordinately lazy, a lapse brought on by the sleepy weepies, which is quite to be expected in the winter splinters, but mainly, my colleagues and I have uncovered the cause to be of much more serious origins... *pause for dramatic effect*
Lady Cyan: Oh? *pouring more tea* Do go on, Doctor.
Pompous Prof. Cyan, snagging a cookie and setting it on his tea saucer before adjusting his tiny spectacles: Madame, there is no delicate way to put this. You....have contracted a sickness in your travels abroad.
Lady Cyan, fidgeting: Oh, is it serious, Professor? Please, do not pause so! Blurt it out or I shall scream.
Pompous Prof Cyan: Can you comprehend...well...When you went on that safari and spent all that time outdoors tending to those roosters in your backyard...it appears your fingers got cold.
Lady Cyan: Cold...? Whatever are you getting at, you oaf? Spit it out!
Pompous Prof Cyan: That's just it. They became so cold that you found it tedious to type. The condition has taken its toll upon your drawings and gaming as well. You avoid these things because you innately sense that your fingers are accumulating the icy wicies.
Lady Cyan: FINE. I'll turn up the heat. But I sooo wanted to save more money this year... ;(

Superior Officer Cyan: "Well well, my favorite general has concerns, I hear. Do spill them upon me as you would upon a tentative nursemaid or a flatulent father. Come, we are no more strangers than I am to myself. Speak frankly." ;7
General Cyan: "Well, sir, for quite some time now, a notification has been festering at the top of my screen, a friend request from a certain popular personage around the forum. This being has a LOT of friends - not like that matters much around here, most friends appear to be lacking in social manners and almost as long-lasting as a Snuggles toilet paper roll" :ohno: *blushes appropriately* "that is, I mean-"
Disgusted Superior Cyan waves impatiently: "Never mind. Do go on, general."
General Cyan: "My first impression of this oddity was a negative one, sir. For lack of a less suggestive term - they just rubbed me the wrong way. I wanted nothing to do with this individual.
*Superior Cyan nods understandingly* :rolleyes:
General Cyan: "-After some time, we came in contact and exchanged maybe two VMs or PMs - can't remember which. The person seemed surprisingly nice in them and I began to feel somewhat...er...well, that my original assumption was wrong, sir."
Superior Cyan: *Ahem* *lowers voice* "Yes. The files are well hidden, but there have been previous incidents where the Cyan army have been *glances warily about* wrong."
General Cyan: "What!?! I have level S clearance! Why haven't I seen these?"
Superior Cyan: "They're only accessible to level Z officers - the one's who've watched every episode of DragonBall Z."
General Cyan: "And then this being sent me the request, which sort of has me stumped. I guess what I'm asking for advice on is: Should I give this person a chance, or should I go on ignoring the notification? Or should I accept the friendship? Or should I do that and then 'unfriend' the subject?" :huh?:

Due to some unforeseeable events that transpired over the past couple weeks, I have been absent from this, my home. Now I am back - and I am greatly vexed.
Much like the query experienced by Aelius Maximus after the battle in Germania, I am faced with a conundrum that will affect lives outside my own and am utterly stumped as to how I shall proceed.
With the flight of my little sister, everything worthwhile and spiritually pleasing has vanished from my current surroundings. I am left with brothers who nip at each other and make cracks about flatulence and puke. They respect me not, though I have sacrificed much to protect and stabilize their home. They need me here.
My main problem is this: I am going nowhere, both geographically and mentally. My proverbial cage is small and I have often found reason to despise it, but lately it has been grating at my very soul. Shall my life on this earth be spent cleaning and cooking where I am ill-suited and unhappy, do I dare dream higher and if I do, will those dreams turn to wings, or ash? Will they give me freedom or cause those around me unnecessary distress, corrupting and twisting me into my lifelong enemy: selfishness. If the answer is both, could I ever knowingly dash the lives of the beings I've come to cherish in order to gain a space for myself? And will that space and silence be as I pictured it, or will the peace be tainted by the means I took to that end?
Is this all just me, afraid to dream?

Yeah, I just watched Gladiator for the seventh time :P Good to be back! :woot:

Last night was so *whoa* that it's left me *ugh*
Because I couldn't take another second of not knowing what happens to Dexter, I opted for a reckless all-nighter. Me and Wallace were there for 6+ hours, and have finally finished watching Dexter season 4. I am utterly appalled (as is usual with Dexter) at the latest plot twist and I can't even talk about it! I was thinking of joining a Dexter Forum, but that would proly ruin the fifth season for me. Bummer. :D

Spoiled Cyan: "I STILL have no idea where mom stashed my scanner, and am mightily tempted to have tantrum over it!" :shake:
Adult Cyan: "Not yet. Don't be impulsive, mom is trying her best-"
Spoiled Cyan: "-To throw my life into disarrangement! Even YOU must admit, since I was a child, every time I get stuff organized perfectly, she decides to 'misplace' it!"
Adult Cyan: "She's cleaning. I don't care if you can do a better job, you didn't preempt her, you let garbage pile up and now you pay the price. Suck it up, brat."
Spoiled Cyan: "But... *weakly* she keeps forgetting where she puts my most important things...and that makes ME look disorganized..." :blowtop:

Oh well, I'll keep looking.

CYAN COURT: Pompous vs. Family

Pompous Cyan in the witness box: "It was due to the misplacement of my stupid scanner, that my sketch is still not finished."
Snotty plaintiff attorney Cyan: "You lie. The reason you're not done with it is because you've been watching Dexter season 4!!! You got caught up in the gore and criminal intrigue and we have witnesses! Admit it!"
Cyan defense attorney: "Objection, your honor. The Plaintiff's barrister has yet to produce any 'witnesses'. She has, furthermore, been accused of attempting to tarnish Pompous Cyan's flawless, upstanding record on many prior occasions. I object to this whole hearing!"
Dozing Judge Cyan: "Objection Sustained."
Snotty Plaintiff attorney Cyan: "But, your honor, what of the family of the wronged? Are you going to sit there and tell them there is no justice!?!"
Soggy family Cyan in pews, blowing noses: "We demand justice - we don't care what that means."
Dozing Judge Cyan: "Silence! I have no idea who I'm going to vote for in the coming election! I can't be expected to entertain this internal garbage! Case dismissed!"

I'm real sorry. I'll look for the scanner tomorrow. :P

*Jack Bauer voice-over* The following occurred the other night between 11 pm and 12 pm:

First, off, you remember how I live with three brothers now, right? Good.

There's this guy who keeps sneaking into our yard on the weekends and has attempted, more than once, to steal things of ours *shivers at thought* That night, Sir Lawrence (my youngest, most responsible brother) said he heard noises and saw movement outside the window, so, obviously, the hoard of brothers dropped their controllers and chose their weapons. Abel: A long pole (well suited to combating ill-favored fellows) Wallace: A long, somewhat filthy knife (a contrast to his beefy persona) Sir Lawrence: Nothing (he plans to follow along just to observe the hunt and laugh at the captive afterwards) The band rushes out into the night to impale the criminal upon their blade/pole.
Now I, silly girl, left alone with the muted television, decide it best if I just check out what's taking them so galdurn long. I step outside and am greeted with a heavy gloom. Understandably I took a minute to adjust my eyes and notice that the yard is pretty quiet. I slowly continue to where my brothers usually hang out and then, suddenly, I hear crunching leaves that indicate a large creature is rapidly closing in on my location. I squinted and recognized Wallace's dirty aqua T-shirt, but did he recognize me? Certainly not. All at once my mind alit to the weapon he'd picked up earlier: that filthy knife! :eek:
I let out a scream/squeal much akin to that of an offended chicken and Wallace screeched to a halt.
I hate to imagine what would've happened had he just ignored that squeak.
I chewed him out pretty well after that, but it still took me ages to fall asleep. Phew. Close one. :ohno:

My little sis is doing wonderfully fine in her new surroundings. Tho she has admitted that she's been eating too much Mac & Cheese for her own good. She taking classes and, hopefully, will be brilliant as always. :eyeroll:
Okay, so no one bothered to read my last blog so no one advised me how I should go about claiming the TV from my family. No problemo, I got lucky and everyone left the house. (You're all off the hook)
My sketch ain't done yet either. Lately, my hands have been too busy knitting to lift a pencil and my brain too preoccupied with FF3 for the DS, which I just recently found tucked where it shouldn't have been. Honestly, I suspect it was I, myself who misplaced the ridiculously tiny cartridge last December (oops).
*sigh* the shame :(

So, my little sis leaving apparently has more adverse effects than originally perceived. Now, being stuck in house with the anti romance guild which consists of a raucous band of brothers, and a rigid mother, the watching of romance films is practically a crime. Esmeralda (the name of my perfect, cute, little sister) recommended I watch a film with Mel Gibson called "What Women Want" After much embarrassment, I have acquired said film (rental). Now, here's the clincher. I have no time to watch it, as my time is constantly being encroached upon by the anti-romance guild (mentioned above).
Now, I'm kind of a "Okay, I'll relinquish my hold on the telly because I want everyone around me to be enjoying themselves rather than scowling every couple minutes and making fun of what I'm watching and, in a way, making fun of me for watching it. :mad:
This is a colossal problem. I mean, when Esmeralda was here, everyone did everything they could to accommodate her (It was a magical part of her personality. Everyone loved being in her presence and no one wanted that cute face to ever make a frown).
Now that she's gone, I'm going to have to figure this out :spyfap:
I recently watched "Bernie" with Jack Black and this situation reminds me a lot of that movie. Am I being too nice for my own good? :ohno::ohno:

Well, like I said earlier, my little sis moved out, leaving me with no one to talk to but the boys and mother dearest, neither do I feel comfortable enough to be entirely candid with, but such is life, eh?
So, being forced to make conversation on the most banal subjects, I'm slowly learning how ordinary people talk. It's like 'My Fair Lady' without the supporting actors and songs (too bad, it woulda been loverly).
Trained Eliza Cyan: "I do so enjoy the little walks down memory lane with mum."
Old Cyan: "Because you can zone out, am-I-roit?"
Trained Eliza Cyan, setting teacup down: "Certainly not, miss meany, her stories are not in the least bit boring. Did you know, for example, that her little brother refused to eat his mashed potatoes at the dinner table?"
Old Cyan: "Rivetting. And of what use is this info? Where is this pandering getting you?"
Trained Eliza Cyan: "Why, the history of our family is tantamount, for it has ties to our... future... okay, fine, there's no point in it, but I think it makes mom feel better to talk about these things..."
Old Cyan: "Meanwhile we shrivel inside. By the way, how's that new sketch coming?"
*both turn* A mysterious easel sits in the shadowed corner, the gloom impenetrable.
Eliza Cyan, slowly lifting teacup, taking small sip: "I think it is our best yet."
Old Cyan: "There's no telling how it will be received, of course, but if we don't get at least 3 likes for it, I'll be extremely disappointed." :mad:
Eliza Cyan: "Of course we always aim to please, but I'm sure in that event, we will adapt flawlessly as befitting our elevated status."
Old Cyan: "You can do that, I shall chuck cabbages at random market-goers." =-|

Yowza! 3 more posts and I'll have made 400. I cannot believe that! Shucks, how time flies. To celebrate, I'd like to do another sketch.
Meanwhile, I'll just throw up the color version of 'Scavengers' which I finished, and summarily forgot, a while back.

http://thefinalfantasy.net/forums/vi...t-her-art.html

Hmm. I looked back on that thread and realized I really haven't posted as much art as I thought, but I'm not going to fret about that. Tonight, I'm taking it easy. It's important to sit back and lower your expectations of yourself once in a while. You can't do everything. You're not perfect....
Yet. :)

Okayz. I'm done coloring that requested Cloud + Aerith drawing. Sheesh, Dodie was right. It's tough to color your own stuff. And, because I decided to re-vamp the initial drawing halfway through, I had to do it twice, not to mention that sudden inspiration to add blood on the sword... the blood is mine. (Not really. The picture only figuratively killed me.) By the time I was done with it, I never wanted to see that thing again, let alone scan it four different times. I sincerely hope that anonymous person loves. it. to. death :P:D;7:lol::above::huh?:=-|:blowtop:

Whew. Anyway, the thing should be at the bottom of this thread.
http://thefinalfantasy.net/forums/vi...t-her-art.html