It's nothing personal. I just happen to hate October 6. It started off perfectly fine, back in 2003, with it being my first girlfriends birthday. It became my second girlfriends anniversary date two years later. Obviously neither of those relationships ended well. Six years ago it served as the sandwich date in between my grandmother and dad's deaths of the 5th and 7th.I just wanted to say that I hate October 6 on principle. I didn't know where else to vent this and to also point out how absurd it is that so many formative moments in my life either happened on or around this date. Otherwise, I'm doing alright. Listening to music on Pandora before I go to sleep. It's just weird every year , knowing it'll be another since I've seen my dad. I miss him and wish I could just bullshit with him or get advice about life.Oh well. I'll make it through

Update time!

For those of you who care to read this, and it should be all of you, I'm doing alright. Good even. I'm feeling a peace within myself that I haven't felt in a very, very long time. It's strange, and I won't lie, it worries me just a little bit. It's the type of peace that usually comes before some kind of disaster, for me at least. I hope and pray that this isn't the case, but I can honestly say I'm siting here in my recliner, with a nice cold PBR (in a bottle, not a can!), watching the Islanders play the Rangers, and I'm happy. Genuinely happy.

I recently started a new job, where I no longer have to scrap for hours or fight to get paid. It's an amazing feeling to get the same check every week no matter what I do. I get paid fairly well and only have the opportunity to increase. It's still not my dream, but I'll take it for now. It's already allowing me to start saving for some big boy moves.

I recently went through my old cd collection so that I could update my itunes and ipod, and I wound up finding a bunch of old mix tapes (well, cds) that exes had made me, as well as old cds that I had made at various points in my life, in various mental states (from the summer before graduating college to about a year after my dad had died) . Some of them were cringe worthy, and some of them were actually pretty damn good and worth holding onto. Some of them made me laugh and others almost cry. Some almost made me mad.

I did wind up throwing some out, and luckily so, because my girlfriend had held onto my cd wallet for the better part of a year. I've come to realize that even though I was in some shitty relationships and was turning myself into something I didn't want to be, I'm so much more grateful for what I have now, where I can just be myself, without worrying about offending anyone with my political opinions, or by being a second class citizen in their eyes.

I've been through so much shit and am still here, with people that give a shit about me, and even love me. That's such an amazing concept, and I'm so grateful for being able to experience it. I've failed hard in my life at various points, and literally grew to hate myself because of it. I think I can finally say that I accept myself even through my own failures. I've learned that I will never accomplish as much by hating or doubting myself or my past. I can only build on it.

"The things that I loved, the things that I lost
Things I held sacred, that I dropped
I won't lie, no more than you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget"

What I'm trying to say is that things are going really well for me, and I hope they are for everyone else here. Without sounding too cheesy, I'm still working to get to my dreams and I hope everyone else is too.

So, as previously mentioned, I'm still very much alive.

Back in April I switched companies, making a decision to become somewhat of a mercenary. I wound up netting myself a $7/hr salary increase in the process. Little did I know that it would send me a good 50 miles away, in shitty traffic, and would pretty much consume my life for almost 12 hours a day 5/6 days a week. Social life went down the drain, gym time went down the drain. It royally sucked.

In that time, I wound up getting turned down on two of the jobs that I've wanted forever. One of them was my own fault. Failed a heart rate test by a single heartbeat. The other was because I had gotten in trouble for drinking in college (an on campus incident; being underage and possessing beer. No legal action, so it's essentially bullshit). But long story short, I got turned down because the person in charge of hiring had a bug up their ass about any alcohol infractions.

However, in that time that killed my life, I made friends with a guy whose cousin is in very good position to help me out with the latter of positions.

I've started the steps to reapply and hopefully things go the way they should have.

And for those of you that have been paying attention to the news this past weekend, and know what I want to do, that event has made me want the position at hand even more.

Other than that, things are good. Same as usual, and now with more free time.

I'm still not dead. Maybe I'll get around to giving everyone a real update before the end of the year. It's been too long haha.

Things, as usual, are busy, but good.

Well, as the title says, I'm still here. Those of you who've had me in your death pool can suck it!

All joking aside, things have been crazy lately, hence my not being around as much. Work has me bouncing around all over the lower parts of the state. It's getting pretty meh at this point. There's a new supervisor, who used to be an old inspector, and he's being a hardass about the smallest things. On one hand, it's good that everyone's getting on the same page and the quality of inspection is going up, but it's a little more difficult to just do a single easy job and duck out of the rest of the day.

In July, I thought I was going to be making quite a major career change, but unfortunately that didn't happen. I'm guessing that there was a good deal of last minute paperwork that just didn't get processed in time. Literally, I had to hand in a crazy amount of stuff in the middle of June, have my entire history sent up the chain 3 times, and then have it all accepted in time for the end of June/ beginning of July. I'm hoping for January though, and have been busting my ass to get into even better shape, so I suppose I do have that. Either way, I'll figure something out.

Other than that, things have been pretty much the same. Things with the lady are quite great! Hard to believe it's been over a year already.

But yeah, that's what I've been up to. Hope everyone else is still living the dream!

Well for those of you interested, I'm still not dead! Just been working a shit ton of hours at the job from hell. Hopefully wet start turning the corner soon before nasty weather hits... That could screw things up.

In other news, life is pretty damn great right now. Things are pretty spectacular with the lady and i honestly don't remember being this happy in a very long time.

I also bought an exercise bike because it's hard to get gym time in with my hours. It came yesterday but I'm already logging some miles. I just ride as i play my xbox haha. Kinda crazy how i find myself pedaling harder as things get more intense. I'm loving it though.

Take it easy everyone!

I'm not sure how much there really is to say. I "survived" the frankenstorm that was Hurricane Sandy. I didn't do much of anything, aside from sitting at home, checking on my truck and watching too much tv. I got two days off from work, while my office really took a pounding. The water lines were up to my waist, after all was said and done.

The cleanup sucked today. It was both disgusting and draining. I've worked at this place for over two years, and now the office literally looked like something out of Fallout 3. We opened desk drawers to find their usual contents, plus ocean water mixed with possibly some kind of oil or gas product. Oil, I'd say, based on the smell. There was no power, and everything was covered in a thick layer of grime. My maglite proved very helpful, though my sledgehammer would have been more useful. Sadly it was left at home.

That's nothing though. I would rather have a million days like today compared to what the people down at Breezy Point are dealing with. The people down there lost 110 bungalows/ homes to fire, and whatever wasn't on fire was flooded. The girl I'm talking to/ kinda sorta going out with lost a summer home to flooding. The bungalow still stands, but they took on 4 feet of water. Her cousins lost their house in the massive fire, and her aunt lost her place to flooding. I couldn't imagine that, not in Queens. I've never felt such empathy before.

Maybe it's because I love it down by the Rockaways. My dad's ashes are down there, and my parents met there. I spent many a summer there, and it's special to me. Back in my baseball days, the people in Breezy were always supportive of us and were always very cool to us. My heart goes out to them.

I don't know what else to say

So life is pretty good right now. I'm feeling great about a lot of things. I had a really good weekend and spent time with some very cool people. Went bowling and had a long walk on the boardwalk with a friend on Friday, which was both awesome and a lot of fun. The worst part of the day was getting stuck in a monsoon at work. THAT was awful.

Saturday was an interesting day. I ran for about three miles and felt pretty good. I wound up having to drive into the city for a incredibly frightening proposition. My aunt called (mom's sister) and was panicking because she was trying to call my grandma (mom's side, duh). Apparently the phone was disconnected and she wasn't answering her cell. We tried a few times, but didn't get any results. I drove over there and started ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door, which lasted about 15 minutes. I called my mom to let her know that there wasn't an answer. At this point, I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Luckily, my grandma opened the door. She didn't realize I was knocking on her door, and she didn't want to answer it since she was in her robe. She didn't realize her phone was disconnected because it was on the same power strip as her computer, which pissed her off because it froze, so she unplugged the whole damn thing. I fixed everything and crisis averted. Hooray for no more dead grandparents!

Sunday was another softball game, which was great because we beat my old team (no hostility with this one, just fun), went out for some beer, and then went down to the Nautical Mile with the same friend from Friday. We walked around a bit, and then drove around looking for something to do since it got kind of chilly. We opted for Red Mango, but they were closing up, so I called an audible and we got slurpees from 7-11. It was good times all around.

Other than that, life is good. I'm quite content!

It's a fact! I'm still very much alive. I'm just tired and kind of run down from working long days and running around like an idiot, for said work. It's all good though, since apparently my bosses have noticed and it's gotten me a 1.50/ hr raise. Unfortunately though, word spreads like wildfire about these things, and some of the other inspectors found out about it. I don't think anyone's made at ME per se, but it's understandable why people would be asking "where's mine?". It's a strange little situation, because I know that some guys are hurting, and the extra cash would definitely help anyone. At the same time, a lot of those guys are making way more money than me, but I didn't ask for the raise, it was just given to me. Money is money though, and I'll take it.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. After the condom incident, I wound up untagging all of my pics with my ex on facebook. A few days later, she texted me asking why I did it. I didn't respond. That same day, I wound up passing my inspector test (certified in inspecting structural steel and bolts! Woo!), and posting a status saying I was a wizard (quasi inside joke). The next night, I got a text from her friend, saying that I wasn't a wizard. I ignored that one as well. Next thing I know, my ex defriended me, so that takes care of that. I'm not mad at her, but I find the whole situation pretty funny. It's just funny though, how everyone I know basically decided that she was horrible for me, and decided to tell me immediately after the breakup. I guess that taught me something. I can't say that I miss her, because I don't.

Otherwise, everything's going pretty well. I wound up getting a little too drunk for a Thursday last night, and that wasn't good. I almost got into a conversation with a girl who my friend was convinced with a tranny, because he didn't like the way her nose looked. He was convinced it was a nose job, which somehow correlated to her being a dude. Being a few beers deep, I figured it'd be a good idea to try to strike up a conversation with her, but it didn't happen, seeing as she left when I went to take a leak. I was curious though, but really not curious enough to go any further than simple conversation.

And that's my life so far.

Well, this weekend was long as hell, and the days are getting longer and longer. I had class for work on Saturday and Sunday, for 8 hours a pop. Today I pulled a solid 15 hour day, on the clock from about 630 to 10. Maybe 1030 if I'm feeling like scamming a little bit. :p Tomorrow, I'm working from about 8 to 10. Not gonna lie, these classes wear me down, but the pay and the comp time are freakin sweet. I'll probably wind up taking a week off after I take the test I'm studying for.

However, in other news, people making my day longer... My ex, the one who I just got my shit back from the other night, texted me while I was in class, asking me where I bought the condoms I use. She then feels the need to send another text, telling me that she's running low.

Honestly, I don't need to know that, and even though the breakup was mutual, and I didn't feel it for her for quite some time leading up to that, it's kind of messed up to go telling me about that shit. I know it's immature, but as a means of giving her a subtle **** you, I deleted all pics of the both of us, or her friends from my fb account. Plus, I don't necessarily need other people seeing pics of the two of us, when that shit is over with. Also, I can do a lot better, both looks and personality wise.

Like I said. It's time I said **** it and just cut her out completely. There's nothing more that I need her for.

So in my quest to quell some of these demons that I made mention of last time, I took a small step in bringing some finality to one of them tonight.

I finally got my stuff back from my ex. I know it took like four months too long, but it had to be done. She had a stupid cake tray that she kept saying she needed back (some may say that she doesn't need any cake; they'd probably be right), and I had a book and a videogame that I love, and really wanted to get back.

The book is The Things They Carried and the game is glorious Modern Warfare 2. Don't hate, I love it. I also got a bathing suit back that I had from the previous summer lol.

All in all, things went rather well. I think she wanted something more, but I was just polite and not having anything to do with shenanigans. She seemed kinda disappointed, but oh well, life goes on, and I'm trying to put that chapter of my life behind me. I don't have any negative feelings towards her, but things just didn't work out. It was good when it was good, and then it just fizzled out. It's not really anyone's fault, but at least for me, there's nothing there in that department.

Other than that, I had a super bizarre dream about Hurricane. It was strange, but there was no hatred or animosity, things I have most recently harbored towards her. In the dream, she was laying on a couch, I don't know where, in a shirt and sweats that made her ass look quite good. Noticeably so, seeing as I made a note of it to myself in the dream. All that happened in it, was that I laid on the couch with her and put my arm around her. I'm not sure what it means, but I'm gonna just go with the idea that I'm putting any animosity towards her behind me. I definitely don't want to contact her or see her again; I just don't feel as angry. Maybe I'm just finally letting go of the last of that resentment over things that have happened half a decade ago.

It's probably for the best.

Ok, I'm not gonna lie. This is some bullshit, not having a legit journal and all. On the other hand, maybe it's not an entirely bad thing. There are a lot of demons in that old journal, and maybe in some grand karmic scheme, this is a small way of exorcising them. I dunno, I'm on beer three now and haven't had much to eat all day. Maybe this will be one of my more lucid posts.

Speaking of demons, I told my friend about my book idea, especially the chapter that I haven't touched in almost a month... the one about the week my dad and grandma died. He suggested that I keep at it, and he used the same words that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately, demons.

I don't know what I'd consider demons anymore. I don't think the passing of my dad and grandma really screwed with me as much as other things. Maybe because I was older and maybe because I expected it when it all hit the fan. It's all something that will have to go down on paper though, at least at one point or another, simply because it's now a large part of my identity. Well, scratch that. I'm not my dead father, but I'm a guy with one. Just like quite a few of my friends already. I'm no more or less than they are. Were the circumstances any different? Maybe, but it doesn't make it more right or wrong, or more painful.

I'd say my real demon lies in my ex that tried to kill me, aside from being the first girl I feel like I really truly loved, and had that turn to shit when she cheated on me. I think I'm legitimately over it though. I can look back and just laugh. I'm sure as hell trying to learn from it too. I'm really seriously trying to identify things that make me think or do dumb things, and while not eliminating them (I'm not God), try to limit them as much as I can, so as to better myself.

For instance, my most recent ex hit me up on the old facebook chat, asking for her stuff back. It's a stupid cake tray, and according to my friends, she'd be better off without (if you see my fb, and the pics, I'm sure we'd all agree). Long story short, she propositioned me for sex when we do this trade. For once, I told her that think it'd be a bad idea to go and plow those fields again. Back in the day, I'd be all over that. It'd be familiar and all that. This time? No shot. I'm sticking to my guns and not going back. I can't allow all that bullshit from the past to become something in the present again. I'm doing much better and I'm enjoying being me again.