The struggle over the tyranny of my world

Today makes a little bit of a difference to most days, in a way. Nothing interesting happened, but my attitude has changed a bit. I feel... rebellious. Like, rather rebellious. I feel like going out and spending my money on a leather jacket and bandshirts, contacts and to finish the look. Ive wanted to for a very long time, but someone has always had better plans for my time/money. But i really feel like it right now. I NEED an MCR shirt. And im going to melb this weekend, so maybe then.
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The last few days have been rather dull. Although i dont really want to see most of the friends i have, im still lonely. And i really cant stand living here either. Pretty silly mindset ive got myself, i guess.

Im almost ready in terms of money to start working on paying off the debts ive gotten myself. It seems like i have 3 shifts in the next 2 weeks, which should give me $200ish off the first load, as well as buying a new set of tires for myself, which my car still needs pretty ...

Im running out of things to amuse myself with now. It was slowly coming, but eh. With no money, i cant really afford to buy anything, and that will last till by debt runs out. which it will, but.. eh. Oh, and my internet usage has become restricted, because my dad refuses to give me the password so that i can check our usage as we go. Basically means that i have no idea how much of our downloads im using so i cant accurately use the internet without either doing nothing, or getting screamed at. ...

To some people, something this small would make me seem like a coward. But i braved her tumblr today, for the first time in ages. Its been a few days since ive heard from her, and last time she just vanished. This time, im not really worried, but i do want to talk to her.

And now even more i guess. In a way, i feel so sad that ive let her be alone all this time. I know its not my fault at all, but.. I just do. I did it partly because i wanted to know the exact date of her birthday, ...

So, today ive spent a great deal of time getting all my music sorted. Since i gave all my music to my ex (while we were still together), its not all there. Particularly the old stuff i liked, the music that reminded me of the fangirl. Basically, i started this after talking to her today over msn. Its so good now, having everything back. What i couldnt find on my friends computer i just redownloaded. I dont know what it is, but its part of whats making me feel so much better. Music just does that ...