I really screwed up. (same girl in "question")

**kevin1gamer** · 10-14-2009, 05:33 PM

Alright, so I thought I fell in "love", however, it is really complicated and I feel as though I have been <s>somewhat of</s> a jerk now. Please, allow me to elaborate. I fell for one of my good friends, however, after a long and drawn out sequence of events, I discovered she didn't like me the same way. Eventually, she found out about the crush I had on her and I've sort of dragged things on a bit. She only wants to be friends now, and now, so do I.

I kept telling myself (and her) that, but I never actually truly believed it. Now, I am going to try and completely "bury the hatchet", and try to put it behind us (that's what she wants, and now, that is entirely what I want). I will have no regrets of this, and from this point fourth, actions will speak louder than words (especially half-baked promises that I meant to be true but accidentally slipped up on). I do believe I will require a stronger willpower to go through with this though. The reason being, one of my good friends, Elijah, called me a stalker (because I still had feelings for her after finding out from a mutual friend that she didn't feel the same way about me), does having a crush on someone (and making a couple bad decisions, like coming on too strong, going out of my way to hint that I like her, and various other stupid things that I now regret doing entirely) truly make you a stalker?

I am quitting this stupidity now, not only because it's the right thing to do, because it's what she wants, or to salvage our friendship, but rather all three of those things, plus I now see the error of my ways and wish to do so. I would hate for one or both of us to be uncomfortable around each other as friends, just over some stupid teenage crush. So I am putting an end to it, and respecting her wishes (as well as my own) by going back to just being friends.

In fact, I believe I may have unconsciously showed my affection a few times (i.e. my Final Fantasy XI character is named after her and commenting on every single one of her Facebook statuses). I also want to show her (as well as myself), that I don't want that sort of vibe, just as she doesn't, or we will always hate (and/or feel uncomfortable around each other) for the rest of our lives, and neither of us want to lose our very close friendship over something so trivial and stupid. Right now I am actually sad, I'm almost never sad (only been sad twice in like 3 years; when my cousin died about a week ago and now), I really screwed up bad, and now I just feel terrible, I am almost crying (not that I <s>usually</s> ever cry) because of what I've done (see above), I feel so sorry for what I've done to Tabitha (made her feel awkward and/or bad/sad around me), I don't even know where to begin to make it up to her (however, I have decided that putting an end to this one-sided romance is the best course of action for my first step).

Anyone have any advice, questions, commentary?

**Rocky** · 10-14-2009, 05:40 PM

if someone had their Final Fantasy XI character as "Iloveandrew", then yes I would feel a little creeped out and would probably get a restraining order, if that's what you're asking. That is not "unconsciously" showing your affection, that is just creepy.

She will feel uncomfortable for awhile. I suggest telling her that you're sorry and after that, give her space.

Coming from the other end of the spectrum, do you know how hard it is to meet other people when you have a stalker on your hands, blowing up your texting inbox or your facebook wall? I've had a girl do that to me over the past 2 months, and it has been pure hell. The only way I could get rid of her was by completely ignoring her. I felt bad, but even if I gave her the time of day, she instantly wanted to sex me, which is wrong. She needed her time to mature and figure out things. So do you.

**GypsyElder** · 10-14-2009, 05:48 PM

First of all, don't beat yourself up for having a crush on her, there's nothing wrong with "hinting" that you like her. Who the heck said that you're a stalker? you'd be a stalker if you followed her around everywhere and kept tabs on her, and who she talks to. Coming on strong does not equal stalker. I wasn't there,so I couldn't tell you if you did in fact "come on too strong" the name thing, a little freaky. But even though you want to be just friends now that you know she doesn't feel that way, doesn't mean your feelings will go away.

there was this guy that had a crush on my best friend, and they were really close prior. When he found out that she didn't like him that way he tried to be just friends. But every time all three of us would hang out he would get all butt hurt if she was talking to another guy. She told him numerous times that she would never feel that way and that if he kept acting like that then they just wouldn't be friends anymore. Don't do things like that because it'll ruin the friendship completely. Just be happy with being friends.

EDIT: STALKER

Che · 10-14-2009, 05:51 PM

First of all, paragraph spacing dude!

<3

You're thinkin about it too hard. Just go with the flow. It's life, enjoy it. Don't live with regrets. You did what you did at the time because you felt it was right. Never look back, just keep goin forward.

**Pete** · 10-14-2009, 07:00 PM

The above advice is all great advice, and is so good because I can only assume it's from experience. I'm gonna break this down piece by piece because there is a lot of info to tackle.

1. You're not a jerk. You liked her, she didn't share those feelings, you both want to move on as friends. End of story. You weren't a jerk here, shit just didn't go your way, and you're trying to man up and preserve the friendship. Props to you, I'd more often than not say **** it.

2.A lot of the things that have happened are all fairly common when you have HS crushes like that. What I do recommend though, for future reference, is to scale back on all of the devotion and the constant posting on every one of her statuses. You may think it's sweet and romantic, but it can get overwhelming and kind of annoying. Plus, you've gotta be considerate of her. I know it seems awesome that someone would have that much attention to give a person, but most girls are interested in well-rounded guys.

3.Also, not gonna lie, your friend is kind of right on the stalker call, but at least you can see it. The constant facebook checking and replying to her statuses is a little stalkerish. Wanting her to like you and flirting and all of that isn't though. It's just normal stuff.

4. Just drop the entire thing. Constantly bringing it up will only keep those vibes around, and will only work against you guys being friends. Just lay low for a few days while shit blows over, and then pretend it never happened. Just try to leave things as they were before the entire fiasco went down.

5. You'll find someone new, and probably soon. That's how HS is.

6. And Rocky, I'm "Iloveandrew" on FFXI

**kevin1gamer** · 10-14-2009, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Gypsy Elder

First of all, don't beat yourself up for having a crush on her, there's nothing wrong with "hinting" that you like her. Who the heck said that you're a stalker? you'd be a stalker if you followed her around everywhere and kept tabs on her, and who she talks to. Coming on strong does not equal stalker. I wasn't there,so I couldn't tell you if you did in fact "come on too strong" the name thing, a little freaky. But even though you want to be just friends now that you know she doesn't feel that way, doesn't mean your feelings will go away.

there was this guy that had a crush on my best friend, and they were really close prior. When he found out that she didn't like him that way he tried to be just friends. But every time all three of us would hang out he would get all butt hurt if she was talking to another guy. She told him numerous times that she would never feel that way and that if he kept acting like that then they just wouldn't be friends anymore. Don't do things like that because it'll ruin the friendship completely. Just be happy with being friends.

Good advice (especially paragraph 2).

MERGED POSTS

Originally Posted by Pete

The above advice is all great advice, and is so good because I can only assume it's from experience. I'm gonna break this down piece by piece because there is a lot of info to tackle.

1. You're not a jerk. You liked her, she didn't share those feelings, you both want to move on as friends. End of story. You weren't a jerk here, shit just didn't go your way, and you're trying to man up and preserve the friendship. Props to you, I'd more often than not say **** it.

2.A lot of the things that have happened are all fairly common when you have HS crushes like that. What I do recommend though, for future reference, is to scale back on all of the devotion and the constant posting on every one of her statuses. You may think it's sweet and romantic, but it can get overwhelming and kind of annoying. Plus, you've gotta be considerate of her. I know it seems awesome that someone would have that much attention to give a person, but most girls are interested in well-rounded guys.

3.Also, not gonna lie, your friend is kind of right on the stalker call, but at least you can see it. The constant facebook checking and replying to her statuses is a little stalkerish. Wanting her to like you and flirting and all of that isn't though. It's just normal stuff.

4. Just drop the entire thing. Constantly bringing it up will only keep those vibes around, and will only work against you guys being friends. Just lay low for a few days while shit blows over, and then pretend it never happened. Just try to leave things as they were before the entire fiasco went down.

5. You'll find someone new, and probably soon. That's how HS is.

6. And Rocky, I'm "Iloveandrew" on FFXI

A fantastic reply, just like everyone else's. Thank you Pete.

**Shan'do Spike** · 10-14-2009, 08:56 PM

All right, I feel obliged to help out a fellow Kevin here, although you've gotten good advice from a lot of other people here.

Firstly, stop with the stalker-like stuff. You =don't= have to comment on every single facebook post. Truth be told, you should probably stop commenting on all of them for a while. After some decent amount of time has passed, you can go back to like, commenting on occasional posts that you actually have reason to post on, but the "comment on every post thing" is really obvious to both her and to anyone she's friends with.

Secondly, you have a couple of ways to handle stuff. I think the first one is probably the more mature way to handle this, but I'd suggest the second way. It has a much higher success rate with younger people. The first one is to takl to her. Be like, "Look, I had a huge crush on you. I understand that you don't feel that way about me, and I'm getting over it. I really want to remain friends, but I'm going to try to leave you alone for the next few days (weeks?) and deal with these feelings." That's the more mature and honest way to deal with it, but it also requires people to be more mature and be willing to talk about difficult things.

The easier thing to do (and what I'd probably suggest given high school ages) is to give her a few days. Deal with your feelings, clean up your stalkerish tendencies. Then start hanging out again and pretend like nothing ever happened. Hopefully she'll pick up on the hint, and if she ever did act flirty towards you, she'll stop it (I had an ex who really didn't, and it caused me a LOT of emotional havok back in the day). Of course, it's possible that she never did, and that won't be an issue.

Best of luck. Things like that suck a lot

.

Che · 10-14-2009, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by Shan'do Spike

A

Firstly, stop with the stalker-like stuff. You =don't= have to comment on every single facebook post. Truth be told, you should probably stop commenting on all of them for a while. After some decent amount of time has passed, you can go back to like, commenting on occasional posts that you actually have reason to post on, but the "comment on every post thing" is really obvious to both her and to anyone she's friends with.

Yep, actually the best thing you can do is just completely ignore her for a week. Don't stop and talk in the halls at school, just say hi and keep goin. Makes you look like you're busy and have stuff to do, chicks dig that because it makes you look important. Important = Power, and chicks love power because it's the one thing they're actually attracted to, it's not how you look or how much you have in common. Don't respond to any of her stuff on facebook, but beef up your own facebook to make it look like you're doin a lot of different things, and having fun. This makes girls jealous because they love to have fun, and can't stand to be left out. After a few days she'll start to wonder why you seem to have forgotten about her, and she'll start to think of things that she thinks she's lacking. This lowers her self esteem, which is good, because if you bring her down a couple notches she'll start to think you're gonna be the last guy on earth she'll ever have a chance with. This is in your favor. Next she's gonna actually do a flip and start doing the opposite to you. She'll be checking out your facebook and commenting a lot, etc. Then you'll start to realize that you're actually cool as fuck, like most guys are, and your confidence will sky rocket. This confidence is going to make you want to pop your collar and spike your hair, but don't. It's too cliche and could blow your cover. In a short time you'll be reading those facebook posts saying to yourself, "man this girl is annoying, why did I ever like her?". You'll soon be shooting for girls that you never even dreamed of, and shooting a certain something that will raise your testosterone level to the point of not giving a shit about some homely chick who likes Independence Day as much as you, and you'll be lookin at bitches who don't have any personality whatsoever but are smokin hot.

**Unknown Entity** · 10-14-2009, 11:54 PM

Originally Posted by Rocky

She will feel uncomfortable for awhile. I suggest telling her that you're sorry and after that, give her space.

Hating on that word, dude. But yes, she will be uncomfortable for a while - things like this just need time. As long as you're not pestering her all the time, and acting as if you are going out, it's possible to remain friends. You just need to be the grown up one in the situation, and decide to take that space for yourself - in other words, don't give her a reason to say **** off you persistent prick.

Just lay low for a little while, and let her come to you if possible. And try not to think about pursuing something with her too much - you're young, and you will meet someone else.

If she is a real friend, she won't act like an ass about it.

**kevin1gamer** · 10-15-2009, 04:29 AM

Originally Posted by Che

Yep, actually the best thing you can do is just completely ignore her for a week. Don't stop and talk in the halls at school, just say hi and keep goin. Makes you look like you're busy and have stuff to do, chicks dig that because it makes you look important. Important = Power, and chicks love power because it's the one thing they're actually attracted to, it's not how you look or how much you have in common. Don't respond to any of her stuff on facebook, but beef up your own facebook to make it look like you're doin a lot of different things, and having fun. This makes girls jealous because they love to have fun, and can't stand to be left out. After a few days she'll start to wonder why you seem to have forgotten about her, and she'll start to think of things that she thinks she's lacking. This lowers her self esteem, which is good, because if you bring her down a couple notches she'll start to think you're gonna be the last guy on earth she'll ever have a chance with. This is in your favor. Next she's gonna actually do a flip and start doing the opposite to you. She'll be checking out your facebook and commenting a lot, etc. Then you'll start to realize that you're actually cool as fuck, like most guys are, and your confidence will sky rocket. This confidence is going to make you want to pop your collar and spike your hair, but don't. It's too cliche and could blow your cover. In a short time you'll be reading those facebook posts saying to yourself, "man this girl is annoying, why did I ever like her?". You'll soon be shooting for girls that you never even dreamed of, and shooting a certain something that will raise your testosterone level to the point of not giving a shit about some homely chick who likes Independence Day as much as you, and you'll be lookin at bitches who don't have any personality whatsoever but are smokin hot.

I can't tell if your joking or not...

**RagnaToad** · 10-15-2009, 05:27 AM

Originally Posted by kevin1gamer

I can't tell if your joking or not...

He's not.

But he's not being very subtile. Che's right about the power thing. Ignoring a girl has a huge effect on her. Girls don't really like it when you're being all obsessed about them, unless you're already in a realtionship with them.

Since she's your friend, ignoring her is not the best option. Or constantly ignoring her isn't at least.

I suggest you try not to be too cold or anything. Just act normal, but maybe kindly say no when she asks you to do stuff or something. Unless you feel really comfortable with it.

Bottom line:
Just make sure she understands that you're obsession (for lack of a better word) is over, but don't make her believe you're angry with her!

Hope it works out, pal.

Che · 10-15-2009, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by kevin1gamer

I can't tell if your joking or not...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you.

I guess I'm just kind of bitter about my whole experience. It just always seemed like the more effort I put into trying to be with someone, the less results I would get. Then I started not giving a ****, and then all of a sudden things just randomly work out for me.

I dated -the- hottest chick in my high school when I was a junior/senior (she was one year ahead, so she had graduated when I was a senior). I put everything I could into the relationship. Bought flowers, sweet talked, did cute little things for her... I swore she was the one, man. Turns out she was also dating this other guy the entire year and a half we dated. Fuckin bitch.

After that I just stopped giving a shit. I stopped pursuing girls. I started being an asshole to them (sarcastically, but still, girls don't usually like that). I swore off wasting money on buying flowers because I didn't want any chick to like me for the flowers I buy. I basically stopped being romantic at all, and girls still stuck around me after that. It's taken a while for me to recover from that. I did meet a wonderful girl in college, though. We've been dating for 4 years now, and everything's good.

Anyway, what I wrote was from my experience with a mix of humor in there. It's mostly true, but has a lot of stereotyping. Take it how you want.

**loaf** · 10-15-2009, 08:32 AM

Yea I thought I fell in love one time. Then I screwed it all up since I more and likely had a chance. Best option would indeed be to just give her some space, if a small opportunity comes up to say something, say it but don't go over board. I'd say maybe after 2 months of just giving her space and what not, it would be fine, but it's different with other people. Good luck.

**Lazer** · 10-15-2009, 09:09 PM

Ok here's the only advise to follow. IMO of coarse lol. Scrap all ideas of friendship... it never works. You'll just either fall for her again or realize that you never "un-fell" in the first place and that you just convinced yourself and her that you did so you could stay somewhat close to her. I mean no one gets that worked up and writes a post like that about someone they don't care about quite seriously. Basically just find things to do that don't involve her and will keep your mind off her. I mean if shes such a good friend to you why isn't she doing something to easy your troubles. Shes best forgotten bud. Best forgotten.

It might seem a little brash but I'll bet that someday you realize the truth in this post. Today shes everything, tomorrow she's nothing. But you can't un-love something that's right in front of you 24/7 though.... Sometimes you gotta let go of the best tings in life in order to find the better things in life.... Now, go get drunk and pwn some noobs at starcraft. Tis the only path to recovery my friend.... Tis the only path....

**Rain Lil** · 10-15-2009, 10:59 PM

Some good advice is to move on. If she doesn't feel the way you feel about her, you shouldn't invest your time & effort in her. You'll just come out of the relationship even more short handed than you came in. It's harder than it sounds, but it's best for you. There are plenty of girls out there that will appreciate you & like guys that make them feel special. Some girls like guys that come on strong, & maybe you need a girl like that.

Just keep looking, it sounds hard, but within time, you will heal. Just put it out of your mind. Do something to keep yourself busy. School, games, work, etc. If you do talk to her, just remember you guys are friends. Try not to make it awkward and talk to her normal, nothing flirty. The bottom line is that you have to move on to bigger and better things. ;]

**LocoColt04** · 10-16-2009, 12:33 AM

Originally Posted by RagnaToad

He's not.

But he's not being very subtile. Che's right about the power thing. Ignoring a girl has a huge effect on her. Girls don't really like it when you're being all obsessed about them, unless you're already in a realtionship with them.

Che's post was chock full of sarcasm, but there were a lot of semi-truths in his statements. Obviously the "give them the cold shoulder" treatment doesn't work with every girl, because they're not all the same; however, it does work with some.

Now, I'm not saying be vindictive and do this in an attempt to win over the girl who already told you she doesn't want to date you. If you honestly want to be with her (and it seems you really do), the best I can suggest is to take all of the posts in this thread and wrap them up into something that works.

Back off a lot, and if she asks why you're spacing out so much, then just back off a little at that point. Don't go balls-to-the-wall overboard until you figure out what she's wanting.

If she still makes it clear after having a lot of time to reflect, then give up on the girlfriend-relationship and save what you have of the friend-relationship.

I will note, however, that I won over Rebecca by showing very minimal interest. It worked even moreso in my favor because I knew she was the determined type, and I wasn't really jumping at the opportunity to date a subordinate (company policy, ethics, and all). It got to the point where the friendly flirting turned into serious flirting, and I'd brush it all off like it wasn't a big deal. Then she up and told me herself that she liked me and my response was "aw, that's nice." I didn't say it in a condescending tone, and I blushed when she said it, so it wasn't particularly rude.

That same night, she was chasing me down in the parking lot stealing a kiss.

The week after that, we started dating.
And then I did everything I could to move to another store. :3

**nix** · 10-16-2009, 02:26 AM

Heres my advice to your "predicament"....

Ahem..

Stop being a bitch, grow some balls and move along.

**Pete** · 10-16-2009, 09:15 PM

I really screwed up... kevin1gamer - Google Search

Seriously dude, did you really go and post this all over the internet? Oh yes you did.
Oh, and the why so serious as well. You're like the T1000 of spam bots. Same thing, verbatim, over and over.

http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/i...504158f529.jpg And I guess she could be kinda cute, yknow, if she slapped on some makeup and I was a few beers in, but I can totally see why you're in the situation you're in.

Also, way to hot tag her name. It made it way too easy.

Now, I can feasibly see one of three scenarios happening:
1. You really are some type of super stalker. And if so, then hat's off to ya.
2. You're actually someone with a vendetta against this girl, and are spreading her name literally ALL OVER THE INTERNET, so that curious folk will look her up. But I really don't think you've got the brains for that.
3. You conspired with her so that the two of you can be the next big internet meme. All Your Base, Chuck Norris and Tabitha.

**GypsyElder** · 10-16-2009, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by Pete

I really screwed up... kevin1gamer - Google Search

Seriously dude, did you really go and post this all over the internet? Oh yes you did.
Oh, and the why so serious as well. You're like the T1000 of spam bots. Same thing, verbatim, over and over.

OKAY....Now that's really scary. Asking on one forum.. alright, but if your concerned about not being a stalker... Putting enough on the internet about it to show up on Google...and it corrected the spelling Pete put in! for F**k sake.

Stalkerish.

just leave it be dude.

EDIT: how many forums are you on!?

**Rocky** · 10-16-2009, 09:43 PM

lol, way to troll the entire internet just to make a name out of some girl whose life you want to ruin. Unfortunately for you, after your departure, you will be soon forgotten and no one will remember a word you said. Good day.

**Jin** · 10-16-2009, 09:47 PM

Oh my god! Tabitha is the secret love child of Kate Gosselin! She DID cheat first! I knew John was in the right!

Tabitha, your mother's a bitch.

**dongs.** · 10-16-2009, 11:28 PM

Lolol. All sorts of tl;dr. I totally bullshitted my previous post.

Either way, this girl should be left alone. Sounds like he's trying to cause problems for her.

**Fluffy** · 10-17-2009, 02:30 AM

Holy hell.

I didn't look at all of them, but I think I really screwed up... - Order of the Blue Gartr this one is my favorite. <3 Blue Gartr.

I want to believe this is a troll. I really do. This seems like something one would find on 4chan.

**RagnaToad** · 10-17-2009, 05:59 AM

This thing does seem like it's running totally out of hand. You're saying that you're over her, but yet you're filling the internet with information about what you and her did together and how you're NOT a stalker?

If you're trying to be normal, don't do shit like this, dude.

I advise you to delete all posts you wrote about her anywhere, and definitely the ones in which you mention her/your name. Because when someone you know finds all this shit on those forums, this will come after you like nothing has ever come after you.

And the picture is pretty creepy. I mean, the fact that Pete could find it.

**Unknown Entity** · 10-17-2009, 06:29 AM

Now I know what Pete ment by that VM he sent you. o.o;;

Holy shit dude. If you really cared about her, you wouldn't post this over the internet. And how Pete found her picture so easily? I hate to say I (and Sheena, Loaf and Meier) told you so, but the internet isn't for silly teenagers. See how fast you can **** something up?

EDIT: LOL. You really did screw up. Oh, the irony.

**Pete** · 10-17-2009, 07:56 AM

http://screenshot.xfire.com/screensh...c74d60049a.jpg

it just gets better and better

Govinda · 10-17-2009, 08:06 AM

Does this Tabitha girl know that she's being talked about all over the internet? I wonder if those friendly folks over at /b/ will get wind of this...

How can you be so shit at the internet?

**Victoria** · 10-17-2009, 08:07 AM

Yes, she knows. She's been contacted by pete and by someone else from another forum.

...And yes, /b/ has gotten wind of this.

**Unknown Entity** · 10-17-2009, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by Govinda

Does this Tabitha girl know that she's being talked about all over the internet? I wonder if those friendly folks over at /b/ will get wind of this...

How can you be so shit at the internet?

I've been reading about people sending her messages on facebook. If she doesn't know already, she will soon... o.o

EDIT: Sheena beat me to it. =P